darkelf19: This is the greatest thing ever Image ID:1: An American-cheese-yellow food truck trailer

darkelf19:

This is the greatest thing ever

Image ID:

1: An American-cheese-yellow food truck trailer with black text covering it.

The service window has large text under it reading:

$1 GRILLED CHEESE

NO CHANGE GIVEN, SORT OUT YOUR OWN SHIT.

To the left is a menu that reads:

MENU

GRILLED CHEESE - $1

THAT’S ENOUGH.

IF YOU NEED A DRINK GO TO A PLACE THAT SELLS DRINKS.

To the right is another notice that reads:

CASH ONLY

I DON’T HAVE VENMO BECAUSE I’M NOT SOME TEENAGE ASSHOLE WHO VAPES

The side of the trailer facing the truck has a warning on it that reads:

DANGER

$1 GRILLED CHEESE

DON’T ASK FOR A GODDAMNED TOMATO SLICE OR I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL REACH THROUGH THE WINDOW, PULL YOU INSIDE AND HOLD YOUR HEAD AGAINST THE GRIDDLE, WHICH WILL BE EMBARRASSING FOR YOU

2:A view of the other side of the trailer with what appears to be a service window. It has black text that reads:

THIS SIDE OF TRUCK IS NOT FOR CUSTOMERS. DO NOT APPROACH.

THIS WINDOWS IS FOR ME TO THOUSAND YARD STARE OUT OF EVERYTIME SOMEONE TELLS ME THEY “LIKE MY IDEA” BUT THAT I COULD MAKE “MORE MONEY” IF I CHARGED $2 OR $3. YES CAROL, I KNOW HOW MONEY WORKS. THE WINDOWS IS AIMED AT A NEARBY MEADOW WHERE A FAMILY OF DEER OFTEN GATHER AND ONE TIME I SAW AN OWL SO I’M HOLDING OUT HOPE I GET TO SEE THE OWL AGAIN. WHEN I"M READY TO GET BACK TO SELLING YOU UTILITARIAN EATS AT ROCK BOTTOM PRICES FOR MY OWN AMUSEMENT I WILL LET YOU KNOW. DO NOT ASK ME HOW LONG I WILL BE, IT’LL JUST MAKE ME STARE LONGER

IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO TALK ABOUT FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS, THEN OK.

NO I DON’T KNOW WHERE A BATHROOM IS

3:A series of tweets from Daniel Danger (@tinymediaempire) that read:

my post-art plan is opening a grilled cheese cart. it will serve $1 grilled cheese made with white bread, bulk cheese, bulk butter, and that’s it. greasy as hell. no options, no artisan, nothing. there will be no change. you give me $5 you’re getting 5, you figure your own life out.

the business and cart will be called “$1 GRILLED CHEESE”, with not a lick of irony or cleverness. it will be in IMPACT font, black on cheese yellow. i will decimate every other food truck or food cart out there.

it’s 1AM, you’re stumbling out of the bar or show. what do you want? do you want to wait outside some asinine truck for a $12 deconstructed grilled cheese with avacado relish that takes 20 goddamned minutes? or do you want 5 no bullshit grilled cheeses stacked in wax paper for $5?

it’s like a 10% cost of product when you aim low as i will aim quality wise and a bit in upsell because, once again, i do not give change. money goes into a slot and that’s that. figure your shit out.

also my cart will have a boombox cranking doo-wop classics.

“but are they going to be good?”

they’re going to be exactly like the zillion grilled cheeses your somewhat absentee parents made for you as a kid so yeah, you’re probably gonna have a lot of feelings about them good and bad. i will use a lot of butter, i’ll say that much.

you get a free grilled cheese if you give us a one star yelp review that says there’s no tomato slices and we refuse to give change so you ended up with 20 grilled cheeses because you had just hit up the ATM.

“but what if you offered…”

no.

i think the company slogan will be “get your wallets out but don’t get your hopes up”

okay, finished the trailer design

[Embedded image: The same as the first image in this post. End embedded image.]

Tweet thread resumes:

i’d like to introduce our mascot, he’s an over educated twenty something struggling to pay off his student loans and will never be able to afford a house so he’ll be stuck in the rental cycle until his second wife, who has a good job, who currently wears a sandwich costume for money

[Embedded Image: A stock photo of an overly enthusiastic man giving two thumbs up. The photo is edited to make it look like he’s wearing a giant grilled cheese costume that reads: IF YOU WANT A TOMATO SLICE BRING YOUR OWN AND PUT IT IN YOURSELF I’M NOT ABOUT THAT LIFE. End embedded image.]

Tweet thread resumes:

on an unrelated side note, did you all know you can just slather mayo in place of butter with grilled cheese and it’s pretty good because it’s just sort of a flavored oil? you know, if the darkness inside takes you to that place.

Worst part about this is someone named Chad is gonna steal this idea and they’ll make a lame logo with an axe crisscrossing a spatula and then they’ll start a kickstarter for a $80000 truck and the moment someone is like “you should add hemp mustard” they will cave…

Giving people any choices slows everything down; the line, wait time, prep time, getting people the correct order, everything. I want the currency in your wallet to be the only variant once you’re in line. My model is “One thing, done just ok, but dirt cheap so you don’t care.”

Crushing it.

[Embedded Image: A photo of two grilled cheese sandwiches cooking on a skillet. End embedded image.]

Tweet thread resumes:

okay a few thoughts…

1. according to the comments i will have my $1 grilled cheese truck and next to my truck will be roughly 400 $1 tomato soup trucks trying to leech off me. the whole place is gonna smell goddamned terrible, the air literally humid with tomato, so please don’t

3. to all those who have asked about franchising, all potential franchisees will require an internship first. it’s a decent amount of yardwork. it’s mostly yardwork. it’s yardwork.

End image ID.