My wife asked my hefty buddy, Ian, to spend the night at our place, as it was late. Because he was a

My wife asked my hefty buddy, Ian, to spend the night at our place, as it was late. Because he was a big guy, my wife insisted on him taking our marital bed. I had no problem with this but was surprised to hear my wife say she would be fine sharing the bed with my buddy. She said she didn’t want to give up the bed, and as long as she cuddled up with Ian, she would fit in there with him just fine.

I was going to sleep on the couch, but Ian insisted that I slept on the floor beside him and my wife. It was like he wanted me to be present with my wife in his arms above me.

I couldn’t sleep very well because Ian was breathing very loudly while a wet stroking sound came from the bed. At one point, the bed began to shake in rhythm with that weird wet stroking sound and Ian’s breathing. Another strange sound came from the bed, this one sounded like the noise your mouth makes when you pop something thick out of it, like a Popsicle.

Finally, the noises and bed-shaking stopped, but not before Ian grunted. As he did, some thick white substance shot out from the bed and splattered all over my face. Though they tried to conceal it, I could hear Ian and my wife laughing, though I’m not sure what was so funny…