#abuse resources

furiousgoldfish:

Dismantling the Lies of Abusive Parents Masterlist

Resources

• Giving you food and clothing is the bare minimum
  
• You don’t owe gratitude for food and clothes you needed as a child
• You had the right for basic resources
• Parents shaming you for costing money is ironic and stupid
• What it means when they say ‘This is MY house’
• My house = my rules is blackmail
• Children don’t owe absolute obedience for being fed and sheltered

Physical abuse

• You are allowed to refuse any touch, not only violence
• If they ‘don’t know they’re hurting you’, why do they ignore or punish you when you protest?
• Hitting children is irrational and doesn’t work
• You cannot ‘provoke’ your parents to abuse you if they’re not abusive
• Why do parents actually hit, manipulate and traumatize children

Blatant Lies

• Care, nurture and affection do not make you weak
• They’re lying when they say it ‘wasn’t that bad’‘
• You wouldn’t have grown up spoiled if not for abuse
• You got too affected by it’ is a lie
• Your parents are not ‘just too emotionally immature’ to understand abuse
• ‘You’re not living in the real world!’ is nonsense
• You’re not worthless, a burden, ungrateful, or stupid, and your parents know that.
• Constant undermining of your accomplishments is abuse
• Not being allowed to talk about the past is symptom of abuse
• Parents who want you to be happy vs look happy
• You are not abusive for resisting abuse
• When they claim ‘they didn’t mean it’, it’s still abuse
  
• Your parents are responsible for their own actions regardless of how badly they try to shift blame on you

Psychological abuse

• Blind Obedience is not required in a healthy upbringing
• Disgust is a weapon abusive parents use on their kids
• If they say they love you, but walk all over your feelings, they don’t 
• Parents don’t have the right to enter your room to scream at you
• Parents insisting for you to be ‘tough’ are doing it to hide the trauma
• Even if a kid acts like ‘they can take it’, it’s still abuse
• Pretending abuse is discipline will leave children permanently scarred
• It’s inhumane to control and shame children’s reactions to abuse
• Why don’t you already know this? vs Teaching you necessary skills
• Acting like they’ll change is escape sabotage
• Parents are responsible for protecting children from harm
• References to how healthy parenting looks like
• Not being allowed to be angry with your parents is psychological abuse
• If parents want you to act way you did when you were little, they’re dangerous
• Threats about how hard your life will be later on, are bad for you
• Lack of continuity and ever-changing rules will cause anxiety
• Forced obedience will lead you to abusive relationships
• Parents acting like you’re a ‘bad’ is a shame tactic to control you
• There’s healthy and abusive ways to give children chores
• Revisioning the past and insisting you remember it wrong is gaslighting
• If your parents make you suicidal, they’re abusive
• Parents threatening ‘they could be worse’ is abuse
• Always assuming the worst intentions for your actions is wrong
• Keeping children hostage in abuse is torture

If this hits home, also read Recognizing Abuse Masterlist