#after a year

milesgloriosissimus:

HOW TO GET THE BOY YOU LIKE:

• Arrange a walk in the park with him and a bunch of your friends when you know it’s going to rain soon
• When it starts raining, split from the others with him and find a cave
• Let the thunder boom and nymphs howl
• Gods are witnesses enough
• Bam you’re married

Then recieve the worst “It’s not you, it’s my sacred destiny” speech of your life.

Make a bonfire of all his belongings as a way of letting go of the skuzzball, not as a funeral pyre.