Aftercare is incredibly important. I don’t think it’s hyperbole to claim that D/s is a drug, mentally thrusting you skywards, holding you there like Icarus before you both burn out and come crashing down. Maybe that’s not exactly how it works for you; for you it could be the opposite, with a scene stripping you down before you come rushing to the surface, spluttering and flailing.
Either way, it’s throwing about your emotions like nothing else, swinging you from one end of the spectrum to the other, and so it’s understandable that when everything is done, and the canes and whips and restraints are put back in the cupboard, you’re going to need some reassurances. A hug, hands stroked idly through your hair, whispered words of encouragement and affection resting softly against your ears.
It’s not, I think, always the right thing, however. Sometimes a girl needs a minute, some time to think, to process. She needs her own space, somewhere to go where she is just allowed to go through it on her own, come to terms with herself again. The problem is figuring one from the other.
Which, really, isn’t that much of a problem. It’s not a mystery when a woman needs someone close, and nor is it terribly subtle when she needs a little space. You just have to be prepared to look at the signs, and know when you need to move in, and when you need to step away.
The important part is making sure that you don’t push it, either way. I’ve had times where I have the opposite inclination to my partner, where I’m feeling ragged, raw and just want some space to myself, but she’s needed me there. Thing is, I can handle the contact, right then, because it wasn’t me who was just used and pushed. Everything I just went through was emotional, whereas she has the physical on top of that.
I think, in that case, the submissive’s needs trumps the Dominant’s desires.
