#and the best
The blades of the fan make a whomp whomp whompeach time they complete a rotation. It’s violence, that sound, razor sharp indifference spinning by, happy in oblivion. It makes me shiver, ever so slightly, to think about how happy it is to keep on spinning. About how imminent the bloody mess could be.
About how, any moment now, I’m going to actually throw my hand between those blades, try and seize an opportunity and come out unscathed.
It’s a curious thing. There’s definitely something of exposure to it, leaving myself a vulnerable while the other person processes the information, makes a judgement, and decides whether they’re going to eviscerate me or let it stand. I feel like I’m pulling a pin on a grenade and I’m just finding out whether the other person is as much of an explosives enthusiast as I am.
A year ago, I think things would be different. Twelve months can be a long time to the twenty-something bracket, and this particular twelve seems to have been something of a sea change, something bubbling to the surface of the collective subconscious and floating happily there, bobbing with the waves. It would seem, in parts, that this whole thing has slipped from deterrent to curiosity.
I’d say it’s proving my own personal theories, of the prevalence of the D/s dynamic in vanilla relationships, where you could take any one of them, snapshot it, and be able to assign one side or the other to either person involved. I’d say that people are just realising that control is another word for fun, that experimenting is a thrill, but I think it’s more to do with a popularising of the notion than anything else.
More to the point, it’s forcing me to verbalise my interest in a way that isn’t steeped in technical terms, soaked in awareness and marinaded in a general understanding of the lifestyle. Layman’s terms to put it lightly, more often I’m finding myself grasping for analogy and abstracts, casting shadows against a wall and declaring ‘Don’t you see? Can’t you see? It’s right there, in between the light and dark.’ They smile. Sometimes I think it’s genuine.
There’s a joy in that, too, in the sharing of it. Broadening someone’s horizons, introducing them to something new, and maybe taking the first few steps along the road together, seeing all of these things that have been normalised to me, rendered the everyday, for the novelty of them, vicarious experience through the eyes of a newcomer, all fascination, fear and excitement. To see her face the first time I tie her down. To shape it like a sculpture, with a little of my own image thrown in.
I might revel in the teaching, but I’ve got my own little narcissist pruning in the corner.
HAPPT BELATED BIRTHDAY @ladyblargh!!!!!!!
ur one of my BIGGEST inspos in the whole wide world and i’m so glad i was able to talk to u and gush about ur characters, ik i’m not on much anymore but ILY AND EERIE AND CONNOR AND I HOPE U HAD AN AMAZING BIRTHDAY!
everyone go check out chouette if u haven’t yet bc its amazing
