#and this is such a spot on analysis
still thinking about the mileven argument, and after watching it a couple more times, the line “you don’t love me anymore?” really sticks out to me
I’m so stuck on el’s use fo the word “anymore.” I’ve talked a little bit about how movies sway el’s view of romantic love in this post, but this line really makes me think about how she sees love in general bc of brenner, and because of her powers. after thinking about it more, i think this perspective is super informative of this scene/her argument with mike. she thinks others’ love for her is so conditional, she thinks she has to earn it, bc she always had to earn brenner’s “love” (ie, his verbal praise of her). brenner would only ever show “love” through words and not actions, bc he doesn’t love her, and words are easy to say, whereas actions really count.
that’s not to say words aren’t important too, but they’re easy to twist. and words were the only affection el got for the first twelve years of her life, so on a deep, emotional level it makes sense that words would be important to her; everyone wants to feel loved, and she accepts brenner’s “love” at certain points bc he’s broken her down so badly and she needs something, anything positive among all the bad, even if the words don’t line up with his actions.
so maybe that’s why el is so hung up on the words of it. she heard mike say he loved her when she had her powers, and then she lost them and he never said it again. she’s thinks she’s seeing the pattern that brenner trained playing out with mike. the “anymore” she uses suggests that there’s been a change, that mike’s love has been revoked.
but, of course, that isn’t actually what’s happening. mike isn’t brenner. mike loving el was never about her powers; he took her in without hesitation before he knew about her powers, and he didn’t even want her using them too much when she had them bc he didn’t want her to get hurt: he’s always putting her over her powers. nothing with mike has actually changed in the way el’s past makes her thinks it has; he surprised himself with the word when he said it in the cabin because he said it while desperately begging everyone else to not let el destroy herself again. that’s very different than saying it to her face. he’s never been able to say it to her face; that’s always been the case. nothing has been revoked. his love for her and treatment of her haven’t changed, and neither has his inability to express his feelings plainly and directly. nothing has been revoked, bc it’s not something he’s ever been able to say to her directly. he still shows that he loves her just as much as he always has, bc he still loves her just as much as he always has.
but el heard the “I love her and I can’t lose her again,” so she thinks there has been a change, and I think a lot of that is because so much has changed with her. and, even more importantly, she thinks she’s failed. she thinks she’s failed to make friends, failed to adapt, failed by losing her powers. and for the first twelve years of her life, when she failed at something, brenner revoked the “love” he gave her when she succeeded. she thinks mike can’t love her bc she thinks she’s failed, bc that’s the pattern that brenner nailed into her psyche.
and that’s so clear when she says she’s gone to become the superhero again. it’s clear that her trauma makes her search for words of approval when she thinks she’s disappointed someone. the airport scene shows this: el told mike she missed the flowers in hawkins, and it’s while he’s telling her that he handpicked her flowers in her favorite colors that she gets hung up on the “from.” her trauma from brenner makes her want to ignore actions and lean on words when she’s feeling vulnerable, bc brenner’s actions were horrible and his words were the only occasionally kind things. that’s at least what i think the reason is behind her focusing on the words when mike is telling her with other words just how much he loves her. (and why mike saying “you’re a superhero” was a poor choice of words. he said it in the present tense, which suggests he doesn’t mean her powers, but she says “not anymore” again, which shows just how much she thinks she needs her powers and needs to be useful to be loved!)
she is so stuck on the words even though mike shows so consistently with his actions that he loves her no matter what, because, even though she knows mike isn’t brenner, patterns like that are incredibly difficult to unlearn.
hopefully that all made sense lol, I would love to hear other people’s thoughts on this!!
