#annoying annabelle

samanthap2009:

Here’s  scans of the Felicity magazine play! I had to look EVERYWHERE to find this and finally found a copy of the magazine on eBay. I thought about posting each page individually, but thought I’d save myself sometime and just post them as they were in the magazine. (They’re staggered like this so that you can make them into a mini-script.) You can still read the play in order though, just go right-left until you get to the bottom and then left-right back up to the top. I believe the only place you can find this is if you actually buy the 1994 issue it was in, so I hope others can find this now!

Thank you so much for scanning! 

At this point it almost feels like a tradition, so I went ahead and typed out a transcript of the play so it can be easier for folks to read in order. As per usual, there’s more under the cut!

Scene: The parlor of the Coles’ house in Williamsburg on an afternoon in July, 1774.

(Felicity and Elizabeth are seated at the table. Elizabeth is sketching on drawing paper with dark-colored chalk, and Felicity is stitching a neat sampler. On the table there is a jar labeled GLUE, a messy sampler, a large scrap of cloth, and some poor chalk drawings that have been crumpled up. A guitar leans against the table.)

ELIZABETH: You know, Felicity, your stitchery has improved tremendously.

FELICITY:(laughs, puts down the sampler she is working on, and holds up the messy old sampler) Well, this old sampler is so terrible anything would be an improvement. What a tangled-up mess! Remember how Annabelle teased me about it?

ELIZABETH: Oh, that Annabelle Bananabelle! She teases about everything. I wishe she didn’t have lessons with us at Miss Manderly’s.

FELICITY: Me, too!

ELIZABETH: If only we could get rid of Annabelle somehow. I’d love lessons if Annabelle weren’t there.

FELICITY:(sighs) Me, too!

(Annabelle ENTERS carrying the tea tray and a basket with her drawings and her sampler in it.)

ANNABELLE: Oooooh nooo! What a mess you two have made!

(Annabelle puts the tea tray on the table, knocking Felicity’s needlepoint and Elizabeth’s papers to the floor as she does so.)

ANNABELLE: Tidy this room immediately! Mama and I are having an important visitor to tea.

FELICITY: An important visitor?

ELIZABETH:Who?

ANNABELLE:(bustling about, putting her basket on the floor next to her open-backed chair and her drawings on the table) Never mind! This guest is someone I want to impress. I am going to sing for her, and I want her to see my very best drawings and my very best sampler. I do not want her to see you two ninnies! Everyone knows you are the most rude, ill-mannered girls in all Williamsburg. Now, I’m going to brush my hair. When I get back, I want the both of you to be gone. Well? What are you waiting for! Fix up this parlor, quick as you can!

(Annabelle EXISTS, flouncing out.)

ELIZABETH:(imitates Annabelle) Oooooh nooo! Fix up this parlor quick as you can! I’m having an important visitor to tea! You rude, ill-mannered ninnies are not invited!

FELICITY:(laughs, then says thoughtfully) Hmm! You know what? Maybe we really should fix things up for Annabelle and her visitor!

ELIZABETH: What do you mean?

FELICITY:(mischievously) Well, I mean we could fix things up so that Annabelle makes an unforgettable impression on her visitor.

ELIZABETH:(catching on) Oh, Felicity, let’s do it. That would annoy Annabelle very much indeed!

(Lively classical music plays in the background while Felicity and Elizabeth booby-trap the parlor.)

FELICITY: I’ll pour lots of sugar in the tea andlotsof pepper on the tarts!

(She does so)

ELIZABETH: Good! I’ll smooth out two of my worst drawings and put them on top of Annabelle’s good drawings. And I’ll put your messy old sampler in Annabelle’s basket on top of her good sampler.

(She does so.)

FELICITY: I’ll loosen the string on Annabelle’s guitar. Now she’ll sound terrible when she sings!

(She loosens the guitar strings.)

ELIZABETH:(laughs) She always sounds terrible! I’m going to put some paper in the sandwiches!

(She rips paper into sandwich-size pieces and puts the pieces in the sandwiches.)

FELICITY:(looks at the floor, pounces, holds up a spider) Look! I found a spider. I’ll put it in one of the teacups!

(She does so.)

ELIZABETH: Now, let’s see….oh, I know! I’ll rub chalk onto this napkin, and you glue a teacup to its saucer.

FELICITY: Oh, that’s a good idea!

(Felicity glues the teacup. Elizabeth rubs chalk onto a napkin. Felicity is wiping her hands on a large piece of cloth when the music stops. Elizabeth hears someone coming.)

ELIZABETH: Oh, quick, Felicity, hide! They’re coming!

(The girls crawl under the table. Felicity is still holding the large piece of cloth. The cloth that is covering the table hides the girls from the other characters, but the audience can see them.)

(Mrs. Cole and Mrs. Haughty ENTER)

MRS. COLE: Mrs. Haughty, I am so glad you have come today. Do sit down. Annabelle will join us shortly. I am sure you will be impressed with her. She is the most well-behaved, proper young lady in Williamsburg! And so accomplished! Just wait till you see her fine drawing and stitchery and hear her music.

MRS. HAUGHTY: She sounds wonderful indeed!

(Annabelle ENTERS, looking very proud of herself.)

MRS. COLE: Ah, here she is. Mrs. Haughty, may I present my daughter, Annabelle Cole. Annabelle, may I present Mrs. Haughty.

MRS. HAUGHTY:(to Annabelle) How do you do?

(Annabelle, showing off, makes an exaggerated curtsy to Mrs. Haughty. As she does, Felicity tears the cloth she’s holding, making a loud ripping noise. Elizabeth covers her mouth to stifle her giggles.)

ANNABELLE:(alarmed, thinking that her skirt is ripped, clutches at the back of it and twists around trying to look at it) Oooooh nooo!

MRS. COLE: Annabelle, dear! Whatever is the matter? Do please be seated!

ANNABELLE: Yes, Mama.

(Annabelle, still clutching her skirt, walks sideways to the open-backed chair and sits down.)

MRS. COLE: And now, Annabelle, perhaps you might show Mrs. Haughty some of your latest drawings.

ANNABELLE: Yes, Mama. I am really quite a gifted artist, Mrs. Haughty. As you can see, my drawings are remarkable for someone my age.

(Annabelle’s nose is in the air. Without looking at them, she hands Mrs. Haughty the two bad drawings Elizabeth put on top of her good drawings. Mrs. Haughty holds them up so the audience can see that they are scribble-scrabble.)

MRS. HAUGHTY: Ah, oh, um, I see. Veryremarkable!

(Elizabeth nudges Felicity and they laugh silently together.)

ANNABELLE: And I am also exceedingly talented at needlework. Indeed, everyone tells me a sampler of this quality is very unusual for someone of my age.

(Again, without looking, Annabelle hands Mrs. Haughty the messy sampler from her basket. Mrs. Haughty holds the sampler up so that the audience can see that it is terrible. She turns it this way and that, trying to make sense of it.)

MRS. HAUGHTY: Ah, oh, yes, well. Unusual indeed!

(Elizabeth and Felicity are in stitches.)

ANNABELLE: But truly, my greatest talent is my musical ability. Whenever I play and sing, people shout out their enthusiasm.

(Annabelle strums her guitar and sings terribly out of tune. She hears how awful she sounds, so she sings higher, then lower, then louder trying to find the tune. As she sings on and on, Mrs. Cole and Mrs. Haughty stare at her, horrified. No one sees Felicity crawl out, untie Annabelle’s sash, retie it so Annabelle is tied to her chair, and then crawl back to her hiding place.)

MRS. COLE:(who cannot stand the noise any longer, shouts out, waves her hands frantically at Annabelle) Annabelle! Annabelle! Stop singing! Stop!

(Annabelle stops.)

MRS. COLE:Thankgoodness! I mean, thank you, Annabelle. Uh, perhaps it is time for tea. Annabelle has set the tea tray and prepared our tea and sandwiches specially, all by herself, in honor of your visit, Mrs. Haughty.

MRS. HAUGHTY:(who is becoming more and more displeased) Well, I could certainly use a good cup of tea just now!

(Annabelle pours everyone a cup of sugary tea. She takes a sip of her tea, makes a face, and wipes her mouth off with the chalk-smeared napkin, which leaves a huge smudge on her face. Mrs. Cole catches her attention and rubs her own face wildly, trying to show Annabelle that she should wipe her face. This Annabelle does, again using the chalk-smeared napkin, which of course only makes the smudge worse. Mrs. Haughty gasps as she stares at Annabelle’s face.)

MRS. COLE:(trying to distract Mrs. Haughty) Mrs. Haughty, do drink your delicious tea! (Mrs. Haughty tries to lift her teacup, but she finds that the cup is glued onto the saucer. She tries to get it free and, in the struggle, spills her tea.)

MRS. HAUGHTY:(fussing, mopping off her lap) Oh, dear me!

ANNABELLE: Oooooh nooo!

MRS. COLE:(handing Mrs. Haughty her teacup) Oh, Mrs. Haughty, here, please take my cup instead.

MRS. HAUGHTY: Thank you!

(Mrs. Haughty tastes her tea, chokes, looks cross-eyed into the cup, then slams it down on the table. She screeches.)

MRS. HAUGHTY: Argh! Mercy! There’s a spider in that cup!

MRS. COLE: A spider!?

ANNABELLE: Oooooh nooo! Here! Have a sandwich!

(Mrs. Haughty bites into a sandwich and is left with a piece of paper hanging from her mouth.)

ANNABELLE: Oooooh nooo! Here! Try a tart.

(Mrs. Haughty bites into a tart, then chokes and coughs and sneezes very loudly.)

MRS. HAUGHTY:Pepper!Achoo! Oh dear me! Pepper! Achoo! Achoo! Achoo!

(Mrs. Haughty goes on sneezing and exclaiming and growing more and more upset. Mrs. Cole keeps trying to hand her a napkin. Annabelle just flaps her hands. They do not see Elizabeth crawl around to hide behind Mrs. Haughty’s chair.)

MRS. COLE: Oh! Mrs. Haughty, clam yourself, calm yourself!

(At this moment, Elizabeth pops up behind Mrs. Haughty’s chair and makes a face at Annabelle. No one else sees her. Annabelle shrieks. Of course it looks as thought Annabelle is shouting at Mrs. Haughty as she yells….)

ANNABELLE: Oooooh nooo! You! Look at the mess you’ve made! What are you doing here anyway?! I thought I told you to be gone!

(Mrs. Cole and Mrs. Haughty stare at Annabelle, shocked at what seems to be her rudeness, so they do not see Elizabeth pop down at crawl back under the table as Annabelle continues….)

ANNABELLE: Go away! Go away! Go away!

MRS. HAUGHTY:(very cross, jumps up)Iwillgo away, and gladly! I have never been so badly treated in all my born days! Annabelle Cole, you are the most rude, ill-mannered young lady in all Williamsburg!

(Mrs. Haughty EXITS, storming out.)

MRS. COLE: Oh, Annabelle! How could you? I’m so ashamed!

(She EXITS, chasing after Mrs. Haughty, calling….)

MRS. COLE: Mrs. Haughty, Mrs. Haughty! Please! Don’t go!

(Annabelle waits and tries to get up. But she is tied to her chair, and when she stands up, the chair comes with her. She sinks back down, defeated, holding her head in her hands.)

ANNABELLE: Oooooh nooo! Mama! Mrs. Haughty! Oooooh nooo!

(Felicity and Elizabeth come out and stand in front of her. They look pleased with themselves and smile at each other in a satisfied way.)

ELIZABETH: It looks as though you made quite an impression on your guest, Annabelle.

ANNABELLE:(furiously untying herself from the chair) You two! You did all those awful things! How could you do this to me? This was going to be my way of getting away from  you!

FELICITYand ELIZABETH:(together)What?

ANNABELLE: Mrs. Haughty is a teacher. She was going to give me lessons so I wouldn’t have to take lessons with you at Miss Manderly’s anymore! But now you have ruined it! She’ll never take me as a pupil after this! I am stuck with you two ninnies again. I’ll make you sorry!

FELICITY:(dismayed) Oh, believe us, Annabelle, we already are!

ANNABELLE:(very angry)Humph!

(Annabelle EXITS.)

ELIZABETH:I guess we did it to ourselves this time.

FELICITY:Now we are stuck with Annabelle again! When we could have been rid of her!

(The girls look at each other as the full realization of what they have done sinks in. Together, in perfect imitation of Annabelle, they flap back on the chairs and groan…)

FELICITY and ANNABELLE: Oooooh nooooo!

(Mrs. Cole, Mrs. Haughty, and Annabelle come out as the audience applauds. Felicity and Elizabeth stand. When Felicity makes her curtsy, Annabelle tears a cloth in two, and we hear a loud ripping noise. Felicity clutches the back of her skirt because she thinks it’s ripped. Then she looks over at Annabelle, and they laugh at each other.)