#badass rbc

Summary: A bacteria with the ability to copy the appearance of cells to fool the immune system invades the body and makes AE-3803 her first target. After taking the red blood cell’s appearance to sneak past the Neutrophils and adapt to the bodies environment, the imposter sets her sights on U-1146. 

Thank you @sisterlillybug for the idea! Check out her blog! 

“What a lovely healthy body! So many cells to choose from… Ah! I can’t even decide! I want to have the perfect appearance. Someone those immune cells won’t expect. Someone like… her.”

It was a perfectly normal day in the body as AE-3803 made her first round of deliveries through the lungs, finally managing to navigate around with little to no issue. Well, except for her last location on her set of notes. She couldn’t make any sense of it!

“I-I need to take a right and then  another right and then the directions just say go forward?” She mumbled to herself as she pushed her cart through the crowded streets, looking upward only a few times to make sure she knew where she was going.

“Lost?” She heard a voice above ask, making her smile.

“No I’m not. Just confusing directions.” She explained as she looked up to see her ‘boyfriend’ (the proper term according to Dendritic and the neutrons) U1146. “What are you doing here?”

“There was a bacteria sighted in the area so we’re looking for it. We don’t know what kind it is though.” He explained “and you?”

“Almost done with my first set of rounds! I haven’t even gotten lost.” 3803 explained with a huge grin before reaching down to hold his hand on instinct.

“Good job.” He said with a soft smile.

“Hey after you kill that bacteria come find me, I’ll get us some tea.”

“I’d like that.”

The couple walked together and chatted until 3803 came to her next turn and 1146 was called in the opposite direction by 4989.

“On my way!” He yelled into his earpiece before he looked back at her and gave her a quick squeeze, an apology for running off so fast.

“Good luck!” She called as she watched him run off, ignoring any stares from the other red blood cells around her.

“Yes she’s perfect. Sweet, unassuming, and it seems as if she’s close to that white blood cell. I can use that to my advantage”

“Okay keep going straight…wait what?” 3803 had to take a double take when she saw her delivery was apparently supposed to be down a dark alley.

She gulped, wishing 1146 was with her but quickly removed the thought from her head.

“No this has to be right- I’m not scared of some dark alley I have a job to do.” She reaffirmed before proceeding to push her cart down the dark corridor.

“How cute, she’s like a sitting duck”

She could barely see around her, except for the light coming in from the exit. She sighed deeply, thinking she had to have gotten the directions wrong again.

“Guess I’ll just get out of here and start over…” she groaned before she heard a weird noise coming down the wall behind her.

3803 turned around but could barely see, all she heard was the sound of scratching and saw a dark mass descend behind her, trapping her between her cart and the figure.

‘Bacteria!’ She thought quickly, turning around to make a run for it but was blocked by her cart.

Before she could scream her mouth was covered by something and she was slammed against a wall. As her eyes adjusted she could make out a somewhat feminine figure standing in front of her wearing what looked like glasses out of a science fiction movie. She couldn’t exactly make out it’s face but she didn’t need too, she already knew this wouldn’t end well. She was pressed against the wall and couldn’t break free even though she struggled.

“W-who are you?” She yelled as the mouth cover was removed

“Shhh sorry it’s a secret. No one’s going to know I’m here” Bacteria replied with a haughty as her glasses switched on, emitting a soft red glow.

“You’ll get caught. Don’t think you’ll slip by our immune cells.” 3803 snipped back.

“I don’t have to.”

“Huh?”

“Your pretty face is going to do it for me.”

3803 realized the glasses were scanning her up and down, copying her face and body while recording her voice. She struggled more but the bacteria’s firm grip didn’t let up. She gritted her teeth and prepared to kick away, but then started to feel a wave of fatigue wash over her and she began to lose energy and fought to keep her eyes open. She must’ve been getting drugged. When she looked back at the Bacteria she saw the bacteria wear a smug grin as she was about to lose her last bit of consciousness.

“Don’t worry 3803.” The bacteria mocked, her body then morphing itself in a fluid motion and before 3803 knew it, the barely conscious red blood cell was staring back at herself. “I’ll take good care of that handsome white blood cell of yours”

3803 glared in anger before she shut her eyes and fell limp onto the ground.

The new 3803 grinned as she looked over the sleeping girl.

“Yes this appearance is perfect. Such a lovely face to work with. Much better than the usual plain cells.” The Bacteria spoke to herself as she reached down to remove the hat from the other’s head. “Hopefully she stays asleep long enough for me to do my work. I’m not sure how long the toxin will last in a healthy host like this.”

The bacteria reached down again to remove the girls jacket, the second piece of her ensemble that didn’t copy as it was a trait that identified her as a red blood cell, the two articles needed to throw off the scanners.

“If I find that white blood cell maybe I could trick him into escorting me around the body. I’ve never seen an immune cell hug a simple red blood cell before heading off into battle. I wonder what their relationship could be…” She wondered aloud, pulling on the jacket and fixing the stray piece of hair that kept poking out.

The bacteria stepped over her victim and began to push the cart through the rest of the alley, coming out on the other side as if nothing had happened.

“Hey where have you been?” A cell approached angrily and gensured to the box that remained on the cart. “I’m starving! Where are my nutrients?”

“Right here sir! Sorry for the delay! The streets here do get confusing.” The bacteria said in the most sickeningly sweet voice she could manage as she handed over the nutrients.

“Ugh I guess you’re right. You must’ve missed a right turn.” The cell grumbled as he took the box “thanks I guess”

“No problem!” The imposter red blood cell now had no deliveries and she wasn’t planning to get any more.

“Now I can adapt to this body undetected before I start to multiply.” She thought to herself, grinning sadistically as she walked down the street, her plan falling into place.

1146 shook the water out of his hair as he and the other white blood cells cleaned off after their short battle with the bacteria causing a sore throat. The irritation was already clearing up by the time they were done and there were only minor cuts and bruises on some of them. He checked himself for any remaining blood in the mirror and turned to leave the wash, the sound of 4989 starting a water fight with 2048 beginning in the background as he left. He was hoping 3803 had finished up her deliveries so the two of them could get tea together like she’d suggested, hoping to hear about her smooth day of deliveries as well as continue their discussion on what these ‘cough drops’ that had been showing up recently were actually used for since neither of them could figure it out. He figured she would still be in the lungs since it hadn’t been that long since they last met which meant her favorite tea stand in the area would be the smartest place to check. As he walked down the street along with numerous other cells he soon caught sight of some familiar red hair.

“Hey 3803” he called to her with a wave, noticing she was pushing an empty cart and walking in the opposite direction of where he was heading.

She didn’t even look over, as if she didn’t recognize his voice. 1146 was perplexed and wondered if she hadn’t heard him over the noise of the street. Quickly wading his way through the crowd, he caught up to her.

“I see you finished.” He said as he placed a gentle hand on her shoulder to get her attention.

To his surprise the girl jumped and looked up at him quickly, again not recognizing his voice.

“Oh h-hi 1146 whats up?” She asked with a high pitched voice.

“We just eliminated a group of streptococcus in the throat. Sorry I had to run off like that.”

The bacteria blood cell tried to calm her nerves down. This was the closest she’d ever been to an immune cell in her life without them actively trying to kill her. She knew she had to act natural if she wanted to keep up this charade especially with this particular neutrophil. If she slipped up it could be a dead give away.

“Oh wow! Is anyone hurt?”

“No nothing serious. 4989 tried to use the knife stick again and that went about as well as you can imagine.”

‘What the hell is a knife stick’ the bacteria thought before she threw on a smile in response “Well that’s good.”

“So tea?”

“Pardon?”

“Want to go get tea like you mentioned earlier?”

“O-oh sure lead the way.”

1146 had a feeling something was off. 3803 wasn’t acting like herself at all. On their walk to the tea shop she hadn’t held his arm or hand once like she always did when they while they walked somewhere together, especially in crowded areas. The walk was mostly quiet as she had barely said a word as 1146 usually listened to her talk about her day and doubted she wanted to hear about a bacteria battle. He was concerned she was fatigued but she looked alert as ever, but there wasn’t the normal brightness she always had behind her eyes. 1146 noticed it wasn’t just him either. She had ignored the hello from 5100 as they passed each other as if she didn’t recognize her and on top of that all she had ignored Platelet who ran up to the familiar pair and greeted them.

“Red blood cell lady seems to be grumpy today…” Platelet pouted as 1146 bent down to have a quick chat with her.

“I think she’s just tired. I’ll keep an eye on her.”

“You will?”

“Yes promise.”

Platelet seemed to accept that as she made them seal the deal with a pinkie swear. 3803 only seemed to groan as they were stopped.

Now the two of them were sitting in front of the tea shop, 1146 enjoying his tea but 3803 hadn’t touched it. He took his hat off and sat it on the table, keeping an eye on her out of the corner of his eye as he relaxed.

“He’s not bad looking. Never knew I would think that about an immune cell. But I’m still confused as to what their relationship is. If they were together wouldn’t he have made a move by now?” The bacteria thought as she watched him across the table.

“Is everything okay?” He suddenly asked, making the bacteria jump up in her seat.  

“Why do you ask?”

“Come on am I not allowed to worry about you? You just seem off today.” He explained leaning a little bit closer to her with concern in his eyes.

“It’s nothing really I’m just tired.” She tried to wave him off but then felt something strange.

The neutrophil, the cells known for their ruthlessness and violence in battle, was lightly touching her cheek and brushed aside a piece of hair that had been hanging in her face nearly the whole day. He was gentle and warm and looked like an idiot in her book.

“So That’s their relationship…” A smile curled on the bacteria’s stolen face. She hadn’t aroused his suspicions by acting out of character, instead she had made him concerned for his lover. She wanted to laugh with glee at a chance to use this against them. Normally she when had her fun and destroyed a friendship or two while she was disguised or decided to make life hell for her victim by ruining their reputation. But this was her first time to kill a neutrophil disguised as someone they loved and the prospect of a challenge tickled her.

“Actually… 1146 there is something you can do for me” She knew she had to get him alone now that his guard was down as she wasn’t keen to play girlfriend to a white blood cell, even if he was easy on the eyes.

“Yes?” He looked like a fool, a fool who clearly loved the cell who’s appearance she’d stolen.

She leaned into his space and pressed his cheek to her and whispered into his ear with a sultry tone “Follow me.”

The bacteria watched 1146 blush before grabbing his arm and pulling him to an alley. He didn’t fight it but he was clearly confused. The bacteria knew she had lost time playing this game but she also knew that it had helped her avoid detection as she had almost adapted completely to the environment of the body. Plus it was always fun to toy with emotions.

“3803 What are you-“ he began to ask before she pushed him against the wall

“Shhh relax” she cooed, gently placing her thumb on his bottom lip and gently tilted his head towards her. “It’s just us in here you don’t need to worry.”

The bacteria had her body pressed against 1146, one hand wrapped around the back of his neck and another hand on his chest. He still had the strength to break free if he wanted to, but clearly he didn’t, even if he obviously confused. She ran her leg up his thigh, blocking his access to his weapon.

“3803 I still…”

“You’re so stiff. Loosen up and have a little fun.” The imposter flirted, running her fingers through the hair at the base of his neck causing him to exhale. She had to admit he really was attractive, a part of her regretted she was going to have to kill him.

She decided it was time to make the kill when he was relaxed and defenseless. She closed her eyes and started to lean in for a kiss, peeking one open to see that his eyes were closed as well. Bacteria readied to turn her fingers into the sharp blades that would skewer him through the skull and chest, giving him just enough time before he died to see his love staring back at him. Foreheads touched, noses brushed together and-

“Get away from him!” An enraged voice screamed causing 1146 to snap his eyes open and instinctively duck out of Bacteria’s grip just in time for the copy to be tackled to the ground by a red blood cell seething with rage.

The original 3803 had woken up in the same alley after the toxins released by  the bacteria that had attacked her and stolen her look dissipated. Her head hurt and she felt achy but she knew she didn’t have any time to waste. Someone had to know what was going on! She knew that there was a wash station for immune cells nearby that was bound to have white blood cells there or at least she could find one of them by running through the streets looking for her double.

“Excuse me! Sorry! Look out!” She yelled as she dodged her way through the crowds of people only half in uniform, barely even looking like a red blood cell.

She was trying to remember anything the bacteria had said to her before she passed out.

“That handsome white blood cell of yours”

“Oh no.” 3803’s stomach filled with dread when that phrase came to her.

Her mind immediately went to the worst scenario that her doppelgänger had already gone and killed her boyfriend. 3803 had to shake the thought out of her head knowing that panicking wasn’t going to hurt anyone. She was out of breath by the time she got to the wash station and looked around, panting as she looked around for someone.

“2048! 2001!” She yelled as she saw the two familiar white blood cells chatting near the wash station.

The two looked to her and ran over when they saw her state.

“3803 are you okay?” 2001 asked, looking her over for any injuries.

“Yeah catch your breath what’s wrong?” 2048 continued.

“Bacteria *huff* ambush *huff* Looks like me *huff* 1146”

“I don’t understand what about bacteria?” 2001 asked.

“THERE’S A BACTERIA THAT LOOKS LIKE ME!” 3803 yelled after taking a deep breath. “It morphed *huff* into me and knocked *huff* me out! It’s in the body somewhere!”

“WHAT?” the two white blood cells yelled in shock, attracting 4989 and 2626 to them because of the commotion.

3803 explained as clear as she could what had happened to her and the fact that 1146 could be in danger. 2001 quickly made the connection that since the bacteria was wearing 3803’s jacket and hat it would throw off their scanners. They quickly made the decision to split up and search the area, knowing that they couldn’t have gone far.

That’s how 3803 ended up running through the shops in the lungs frantically looking for any sign of 1146 or her double, figuring that he would’ve gone there to find her. She approached the tea shop the two of them always went too and saw 1146’s hat sitting at their normal table with no sign of them anywhere. Her stomach dropped and she looked up to see an alley that looked just like the one she had been ambushed in just a while ago. She took a deep breath and approached it after using the com device to tell the others where she was she started to walk down the alley.

That’s when she saw herself hanging off of a completely at ease 1146 and leaning in to kiss him. Despite the fact she had been ambushed, robbed, and hadn’t rested the whole day seeing that gave her a rush of energy that she never knew she could have. She screamed and before she knew it she tackled her double.

“YOU!” the bacteria yelled as 3803 and her hit the ground with a thud.

3803 held her wrists so the invader couldn’t utilize the claw hands 3803’d seen her use in the alley and kept her pinned down. The bacteria retalited and flipped them over yet 3803 still held her wrists in place.

“What are you gonna do now red blood-” The bacteria laughed before she was cut off by 3803 kicking her square in the chest making them switch positions again.

1146 felt like he was having a fever dream. One second ago he was pinned to the wall by his girlfriend who hadn’t been herself all day and was now watching the two of them fighting on the ground in front of him. He watched black-shirt 3803 take a punch to the face but instead of reeling back she put her knee on the other 3803’s chest keeping her pinned to the ground and struggling to move.

“You chose the wrong body” 3803 growled as the other white blood cells began to show up in the alley, following the signal 3803 had sent earlier.

“Whoa! 3803 is kicking ass!” 4989 exclaimed as he poked his head out of the wall next to 1146 who jumped back in shock, still with no clue on what was happening.

“Help her!” 2001 yelled at 2626 and 2048 who were standing with him at the top of the alley as they watched the bacteria and 3803 fight as the bacteria struggled against 3803’s hold.

“I think she’s got it…” 2626 mumbled

1146 couldn’t find any words to say other than realize that whatever was happening, the 3803 in the black shirt was definitely the real one.

“AAAAAHG” The bacteria screamed in frustration before her disguise failed, making her revert back to her actual form which was far more monstrous than what 3803 had seen in the dark, “YOU’VE RUINED EVERYTHING” and with that she threw 3803 off of her and pinned her immediately, utilizing her full strength to kill the nuisance.

“GO” 4989 yelled causing the rest of the neutrophils to grab their knives and spring into action.

3803 slammed her forehead into the forehead of the bacteria, knocking her off and into the blades of the other 4 neutrophils. She had some blood on her and her arms and legs were caked in dirt from the fight. She breathed heavily as she stood up before she looked to 1146 who still hadn’t had anything explained to him.

“1146! Are you okay?” 3803 exclaimed in her normal sweet and concerned voice as she ran over to him and grabbed his head, quickly checking for injuries. “Did she hurt you?”

“T-trust me I’m okay. The bacteria didn’t do anything to me” he quickly explained, putting his hands familiarly around her waist as she got on her tiptoes to look at him.

“Thank goodness.” she sighed and hugged him tight.

1146 hugged her back but then he saw the others standing over the bacteria that he’d almost kissed, he felt sick thinking about it.

“I’m sorry for…that?” he felt the need to apologize for almost kissing her double, even though he genuinely thought it was her.

“Huh? Oh yeah I forgive you. I mean it was me you thought you were kissing.”

“Yeah but…”

“If you still want one I can make that happen, but you’re coming with me to get a new jacket since mine’s ruined now.”

“Of course I-”

The real 3803 then kissed him with the blood of her enemy still on her face. The fact she had beaten up bacteria was a topic for another time.