[BANANA FISH SPOILERS AHEAD]

If you’re ever sad, remember that

when Ash was stabbed

he was more concerned about saving Eiji’s letter, than saving himself.

“We accept the love we think we deserve.”

- and in this scene, I think Ash has finally accepted it. he might have been trying to play safe about his feelings for Eiji, to keep him from getting involved even more. but he had to be honest to himself about it. and this was the moment he decided to