#beer league hockey
When you’re in the middle of playing hockey, you don’t have much time or lungpower to spare for lengthy chats, so hockey players develop a lot of on-ice shorthand. Some of this is probably limited to beer leagues like mine, but I’ve definitely heard a few of these phrases caught on the rink-level mics during NHL games, so I thought maybe some of y’all who don’t play hockey might be interested in translations of a few of the things hockey players yell at each other mid-game.
OFF = You are offside.
OOOOOOOFF = You are offside and don’t seem to realize it; stop trying to touch the puck and move your ass out of the fucking zone before you force a whistle.
CHANGE = You’ve been on the ice a long time.
CHAAAAAAANGE = Are you aware that there are other people on this team who would like to play hockey at some point?
ONE ON = An opposing player is trying to get the puck away from you and it appears that you haven’t noticed.
GOT TIME = Don’t panic and fling the puck into Siberia, there’s no one close enough to take it away from you right this second.
ICE IT = We’ve been in our zone for three minutes and everyone on the ice is nearing collapse, so go ahead, panic and fling the puck into Siberia.
I’M OPEN = Pass toward the sound of my voice right fucking now.
ALL YOU = Take the puck forward yourself; everyone else is far enough behind you that you should not rely on getting any backup on this developing play.
I GOT YOU = You are so egregiously out of position that it makes more sense for us to just switch jobs for a minute.
I GOT IT = If we both skate hard to the puck at the same time, as is currently happening, there will be no one to pass it to and also we are liable to collide in an unproductive fashion, so just let me handle it.
I GOT IT I GOT IT I GOT IT = You did not listen to me and we are about to collide in an unproductive fashion.
