#big dick energy
Okay but while we’re being whore knee about Kinn, he really walked into Vegas’ own fucking house, smacked the shit out of him, pointed a gun at him, ordered him around, and then fucked the guy he’d spent the past week trying to seduce in his fucking bathroom. We stan
I always sort of wonder when people say “big dick energy” do they mean both length and girth? Or just length?
Kard is underrated, I can’t believe the world is missing out on BM’s big man tiddies
So whats most fun about running this channel is all the girls messaging me telling me how small their boyfriends are.
I pity you girls, all of you deserve to get stretched out properly by a real man. Know that im always here for you lol, whenever you’re tired of not getting you’re uterus brused, hmu and ill fix that lol
I couldn’t resist the urge to rank the characters of Yuri!!! On Ice in order ofBig Dick Energy (BDE).
What makes me an expert in this topic, you might ask? Well, I just took this quiz and here is my result:
This was a challenging list to compile, because I am of the opinion that you can’t really have BDE if you’re *extra*. That’s not to say they are entirely mutually exclusive, but I found in my consideration of each character that levels of *extra* often indicated less BDE. And we know that a lot of these characters are preeeetty extra.
So, without further ado, click to view the rankings, beginning with the characters with the littlest metaphorical dicks:
25. Jean-Jacques Leroy
Calling yourself “the king”, skating to a song about yourself in competition, lower-back tattoo of your own initials, “It’s JJ Style!”… Sorry JJ, you have negative amounts of BDE. (For the record, I’m not a JJ hater. There’s nothing wrong with lacking BDE, although I know this is hard for JJ to hear from someone with 100% BDE…)
24. Michele Crispino
Mickey, your masculinity is too fragile. You definitely do not have BDE.
23. Kenjirou Minami
Although this darling boy does have his moments of awesome confidence, it’s too earnest to be the type of confidence that characterizes BDE. But look at that sweet face! He doesn’t even need it.
22. Georgi Popovich
There are moments off the ice when Georgi seems so much more laid back, but if we never saw that, he’d probably be below even JJ on this list. I mean, look at this picture. There is no BDE within 100 kilometers of that smokey eye.
21. Viktor Nikiforov
Who needs BDE when you have all these gold medals? Too extra. Next!
20. Guang-Hong Ji
On the one hand, the whole assassin theme for his short program was pretty cool. On the other, sometimes a gun is just overcompensating for something (metaphorically speaking). Sorry Guang-Hong, you just don’t got it.
19. Yakov Feltsman
Yakov’s energy is decidedly not of the Big Dick variety.
18. Yuri Plisetsky
Like his coach, Yuri yells too much. And he’s always trying too hard. That being said, I think there’s BDE potential here, once he’s matured, especially if he can still pull off all that leopard print without too much effort.
17. Seung Gil Lee
Seung Gil puts too much energy into doing mental math and being stand-offish to have BDE.
16. Yuuko Nishigori
Yuuko’s excitement and spontaneous nosebleeds do not suggest much BDE.
15. Christophe Giacometti
Like Georgi, Christophe’s inner monologues on the ice have absolutely disqualified him from having BDE, despite a more down-to-earth demeanor when wearing those round, bookish glasses. He makes it this high on the list due to his quietly confident approach to skating, trusting his ability to come back in the free skate (whether or not this strategy pans out).
14. Celestino Cialdini
Ciao Ciao rocks this sick 80s hair, but it’s also his BDE downfall. Not to mention the drunken antics. Close, but no cigar.
13. Yuuri Katsuki
Yuuri’s performance anxiety threatens to outshine his natural BDE, but when it counts, he pulls through. Congrats, Yuuri! You have BDE!
12. Emil Nekola
Emil’s patience, hard work, determination, and positivity is a perfect recipe for BDE.
11. Phichit Chulanont
Sociable, popular, with a strong social media presence and perfectly subtle eyeliner, even Phichit’s hamster obsession supports his BDE. He knows how to work his angles to maximize the size of his metaphorical dick.
10. Minako Okukawa
Like Viktor and Yuuko, Minako shows that she can be excitable and extra, but I can’t help but read some amount of intentional irony behind many of her actions. It’s almost as if she does certain things (like greet Yuuri at the train station with a giant banner) to lovingly embarrass him. What convinces me of Minako’s BDE is her discipline and tell-it-like-it-is attitude. Plus, she gave Yuuri the confidence that led to the development of his own BDE. She’s a BDE Sensei.
9. Isabella Yang
Bella uses her BDE to support (and probably to put up with) her fiancé JJ. She readily and enthusiastically cheers for him in his greatest time of need in front of thousands of people. Opposites attract!
8. Mila Babicheva
Mila’s got that effortless cool that most of us can only dream of. Even with all of the over-the-top male figure skaters and their dramatic shenanigans that she inevitably puts up with on a regular basis, Mila usually responds with a quip and a smirk. She’s got the kind of BDE that gives her a quick wit and the patience of a saint.
7. Takeshi Nishigori
Takeshi is a DILF with BDE. He is such a good friend to Yuuri, supporting him through his exercise-and-weight-loss montage and calling to apologize about the viral video incident. His teasing (at least now as an adult) is a testament to the strength of his friendship with Yuuri, and their trust in one another shows how far they’ve come since they were kids. I find Takeshi really compelling for the same reasons that I’m certain of his BDE.
6. Sara Crispino
Sara is kind and friendly, and she has the confidence to ask for what she wants. She also isn’t afraid to take risks and make tough decisions in order to do the right thing, even when it means standing up to someone she loves. That takes BDE!
5. Lilia Baranovskaya
This no-nonsense ballerina will not put up with your shit. She even manages to wrangle Yuri and Yakov. This woman is full of wisdom, strength, and BDE.
4. Mari Katsuki
Smoking is bad for you, but Mari doesn’t give a fuck. Look at that style, the hair, her expression. She’s just so cool! But she’s not afraid to show emotion, either. Mari is excited by Yuri when he arrives at the onsen, she’s supportive of her brother, and she is unabashedly attracted to Chris. Her ability to shift from one dynamic to another is why I think she’s got a ton of BDE. But also, just look at her. She’s so cool.
3. Otabek Altin
Although one might argue that, despite appearances, Otabek’s actions in Barcelona were pretty damn extra, that doesn’t change the fact that his energy is calm, cool, and effortlessly badass. It’s the kind of BDE that Yuri is tryingto achieve. Otabek has so much BDE, it still comes naturally even when he’s doing things that are maybe a bit try-hard. That’s why he makes the top three.
2. Leo de la Iglesia
Charming, charismatic, handsome Leo has the passion and soulful eyes of someone with an endless supply of BDE. I also think it’s significant that he is a Mexican-American representing the United of America on the world stage, which is especially impressive if Trump exists in the YOI-verse.
1. Axel, Lutz, and Loop Nishigori
Just one of these triplets alone has more BDE than all of the other characters on this list combined.
Bonus:I’m pretty sure there isn’t a single poodle on Earth that has BDE. Sorry, Makkachin and Vicchan. But with a name like Puma Tiger Scorpion, you know that Potya has enough BDE for all the pets of YOI.
