Here’s a little personnal project I’ve been wanting to write for a while. I couldn’t stop thinking about Commodus saying he was afraid of the dark in the movie so here it is!
The night was hot, the air full of heat, and the smoke scent. You hated summer in Rome, dry and heavy, the smoke of the temples and ovens from the thousand houses of the city. You couldn’t wait for the Emperor to grant you to go to Ostia, the fresh air of the Sea, wind, and quietness. In truth, you didn’t stop thinking about it, the heat was making your sleep rather poor, you kept turning in your bed, sweat making you uncomfortable.You sighed, you needed to get up and do something while waiting for Morpheus to get you back to the realm of dreams. So, you got out of bed, not bothering to cover yourself, it was night after all, nobody would see you in your tunic.
You quietly exited your room, walking bare feet on the marble floor, the fires on the torches creating dancing figures on the walls, you enjoyed watching them. A light wind circulated in the corridors, refreshing you a little. You decided to head to the kitchen, in need of a drink and some fruits. As you walked by Commodus’ room, your childhood friend, you noticed there was light inside…he wasn’t sleeping either? you wondered. You silently saluted the guard, they let you through, it had been an order from the 20 years old emperor, always to let you in at any time. Maybe Commodus had simply fallen asleep with the lights on. However, when you entered you saw him restless, sitting on the bed, bags under his eyes, looking at the moving shadows created by the flames of the torches.
“Commodus? Are you alright?” you asked, your voice startling him. His eyes widened as he saw you, as if you were his savior.
“Y/N!” he exclaimed and slowly got up before wrapping his arms tightly around you, sighing in relief. You slightly blushed, pleased by his eagerness at your sight and hugging him back.
“What is troubling you?” you asked, clearly he wasn’t feeling well.
“I hate the night.” he simply replied, you sighed, you knew Commodus had a lot of trouble sleeping, when you were little you had often slipped into his bed at night to sooth him. It had started when his twin brother died and then his little brother; it lasted until his parents found out the improper relationship you two had. “My thoughts…they are louder at night and I can’t do anything about it…my head is filled with the darkest memories.” he whimpered softly, burying his face in the crook of your neck. “When the lights are out..I am terrified..so alone, cold, I feel like I am dying.” he added, hiding his tears threatening to come out. You were the only one knowing about his troubles, since the terrible events of his past he suffered.
“Commodus…your father died a year ago…why didn’t you tell me you were still afraid of the dark?” you asked him, his wounded mind made him scared of being alone at night in the dark, not daring to tell you because he feared to be mocked or scolded like his father did to him…’a strong man must get rid of his emotions’ but Commodus couldn’t, he had always been a sensitive boy, he couldn’t repress, he needed to express himself.
“I am the Emperor now. What would people say if they heard I am scared of the dark like a little boy?” and his words made sense, he would be mocked by all, he was already struggling with the weight of the legacy of his father now upon him. You gently cupped his face to look at him in the eyes, a reassuring smile on your face.
“Well no one has to know. After all, your parents are not there to forbid us anymore. You are the Emperor, you can spend the night with whoever you want.” you suggested, simply wanting to make him feel better, you had always been and will always be his first supporter. Commodus thought a little, indeed his father’s gaze wasn’t upon him anymore and guards, servants wouldn’t be able to comment or tell if you were just a pleasure companion to him.
He swallowed down, your words soothing him and calming him down “Indeed. The Emperor is free to receive who he pleases in his chambers.” he murmured, the shadow of a smile on his face. Your simple words had given him the confidence he needed to bring you back to him. He took your hand and invited you to sit on the bed with him. “What about your reputation? the people will talk about you. They could tell you are to be my concubine or just a whore.” you blushed at his words, especially the mention of sex with Commodus.
“As long as I help my Caesar I do-…” but he cut you off by cupping your cheek.
“Y/N. You know well you don’t have to call me by my title, I hate it. I am not just an Emperor to your eyes, I am Commodus…” he spoke softly with a hint of despair, craving to have a bond with someone who cared for him, perhaps fearing to lose it.
“I know my blood isn’t noble enough to claim to be the Empress but I don’t care. I just want to help you Commodus as friends first. And as a matter of fact I do miss sharing my nights with you.” you admitted with more blush, your thumb caressing his hand that had become slightly callous as he trained for riding, hunting and fighting. “I remember how I sneaked under the covers, keeping each other warm as you told me stories about the gods..” you remembered softly. Your presence distracted him from bad thoughts, you filled his mind each time you were with him. You shifted on the bed and opened the sheets, lying down in it;
“I have many more stories to tell if you wish.” Commodus looked at you, detailing your face and body, he couldn’t help it, you had always been so beautiful to his eyes. He took your hand and respectfully kissed before joining you, lying down next to you, propped on his elbow as he pulled the sheets up to cover both your bodies. “How come no man has ever asked for your hand?” he asked then, the thought was inconceivable to his eyes.
“I don’t know. Perhaps precisely because they know I am under your protection, they are afraid of you.” you chuckled, and you knew it, no men dared to approach you and when they did they felt the threatening gaze of the young emperor.
“They should be afraid. I won’t tolerate them touching something that isn’t theirs.” he replied, his tone firm without realizing it.
“Oh so I belong to someone else?” you teased him with a smile, bringing your hand to his face, caressing the light stubbles on his chin, your growing Commodus was becoming more handsome each day.
“You are my Y/N, always was. Didn’t I use to say I would make you my queen?” he grinned playfully, kissing your palm, his eyes shining as he looked at you. “I did mean it. No one understands me like you do, I never imagined another woman by my side. Y/N perhaps we didn’t kiss or anything of the sort but there is love between us, we don’t need more, I don’t need more. I just want you by my side forever and if you bless me with your body I shall be the happiest man.” he murmured passionately, that passion you loved so much about him. There was indeed great love between the two of you and only time would tell what would happen later.
“Commodus…” you smiled, touched by his words and pulling him for a hug, he wrapped his arm around your waist, bringing his face closer to yours, brushing his nose against yours with a smile.
“Is that a ‘yes’?” he asked with a grin, gently caressing your waist and making you giggle, squeezing him in your arms despite him being bigger than you. You pinched your lips together, playfully not answering and receiving tickles in return “Come on tell me! Your Caesar asks for your answer!” he joked, loving to hear you laugh and see you squirm under the tickles.
“Hmmm! y-yes…..!” you ended up admitting you accepted, of course, you could never push away the only man you wanted to spend time with. “Yes you comfy lion!” you ruffled his hair, he was indeed comfy to lay with, a little soft belly, warm body and the spirit of a lion. He looked at you fondly, his eyes briefly looking down at your lips, wanting to kiss you but not daring.
“Would you like me to tell you the story of Hadrian and Antonius?” he offered, taking your hand and kissing it once again as you nodded, ready to hear the many stories Commodus had to tell, you felt this one was going to be romantic, and surely the start of a new chapter for you and the young Emperor.
I hope you guys enjoy this! maybe you want a part 2?
Alone with You Inside My Mind - Yandere!Commodus x Reader
Pairing: Yandere!Commodus x Reader
Word Count: 2,071
Summary: Commodus becomes madly obsessed with the reader after the reader appears in his dreams and comforts the touch-starved prince longing for affection.
“Stay with me tonight?”
“You know I will not.” Lucilla sat on the edge of her brother’s bed and gently stroked his dark hair, flecked with golden dust. Oh, how Commodus loved her touch. Ever since he lost his mother, the prince had found comfort and solace in his elder sister’s embrace. It was the only thing that kept him from scolding the gods for taking his mother away. “Commodus…”
“Yes?”
“Father has arranged it. I am to be married soon.”
Commodus looked up, his eyes meeting hers. Her sweet, icy voice cut him like daggers. “But…that’s impossible…I-I-I…I need you. Father can’t do this.”
As if she were comforting a child, Lucilla wiped his eyes with her fingertips. “It’s for the good of this family.”
“Tearing us apart?”
She sighed. It was no use convincing him, or trying to reason with him. Commodus was always driven by his emotions, despite their father being a stoic. If Commodus’s mind were a chariot, it would be driven by a four-year-old wearing a lion skin who cried at the slightest obstacle. Lucilla brought her hands to Commodus’s hair and kissed his forehead.
“Sleep well, dear brother.”
Commodus watched her leave, his peridot eyes fighting back tears. He thought she would understand his night terrors, his fear of the darkness that wasn’t simply a childish trait.
She knew what his darkness entailed. She knew, having comforted him for years as a little boy, letting him sleep in her bed chambers when he was barely up to her knee. And it all came to a halt one day, when their father deemed it inappropriate for a growing prince to ‘take shelter from those he ought to be protecting’. His father was certainly right, to a degree; Commodus needed to protect his sister from the evils that could harm them. But how could he protect her when the world insisted on tearing them apart? How could he protect her when she refused to stay by his side, instead of remaining close to her dear brother?
Relentlessly ruminating, Commodus sighed and ambled towards the golden vanity in his chambers. He dipped his fingers into a small pot of lavender-scented oil and dabbed it behind his ears, before covering his face with a thin layer of cream, specifically meant to eliminate blemishes of any kind.
Adjusting his night toga one last time, the prince climbed into bed, under the covers, still engrossed in the memory of his dear sister comforting him in his childhood. Why did she have to go? He closed his eyes, curled into fetal position, shivering in anticipation of the nightmare that would come for him, just as it had always come.
“Commodus…its time…” The demonic, high-pitched voice gleefully teased the prince.
Commodus felt his arms and his legs being bound by something strong, something tight…it couldn’t be rope. They could only be demons, holding him at each limb. He felt himself being lifted, glancing down to find nothing but gray cement below him and maniacal laughter everywhere else.
“Where am I going?! Who are you, why are you taking me?” He asked aloud, the panic in his voice increasing with each word. “What’s happening? Tell me!”
His pleas were met with even more maniacal laughter…and numerous pairs of red and yellow eyes staring at him with glee. They continued to laugh as they swung Commodus side to side before flinging him into a pit.
“NO! No, please! NO!!!”
The prince was thrown, only to land with a clatter. Commodus gasped, his eyes darting about…was he surrounded by bones? But before he could look any more, he heard the sound of growling. Commodus turned his head to find jackals and wolves advancing towards him, growling menacingly with every step they took, their yellow eyes fairly conspicuous against the darkness.
The hairs on the back of Commodus’s neck began to stand up straight, his limbs began to shiver, and his voice fell to a mere whimper. “No…p-p-p-p-please, no…” He backed into a corner as they continued to growl. One of the wolves licked their lips, and its predatorial gaze met the prince’s wide, horrified eyes.
Commodus grabbed one of the bones to use as a makeshift weapon, only for the jackals to knock it away with its paw.
“Someone, help!” Commodus shrieked, his eyes welling with tears. “PLEASE! ANYBODY! HELP ME! HELP ME!!!” Tears streamed down his cheeks.
A howl pierced through the night, and it was followed by a laugh…Lucilla’s?!
Commodus caught a glimpse from the corner of his eye, and found them all standing there like spectators in the Colosseum - his father, Lucilla, his brothers, his mother…even that stupid Spaniard Lucilla and his father fawned over, all of them smirking at him with glee.
“You were never strong enough, Commodus.” Commodus’s father declared with an emotionless expression.
Just then, a jackal caught the fabric of Commodus’s toga between his teeth and ripped the garment with a swift motion. Lucilla laughed again, louder and merrier. Then, the rest of the pack joined in the carnage, ripping and tearing into his clothing and flesh. And all the prince could do was scream and cry, begging for mercy until….
everything disappeared in an instant.
Commodus blinked his eyes again. This time, he awoke in a modest yet comfortable, cream-colored bed, covered in bedsheets softer than feathers. There were no spectators, there were no wolves or jackals, there was only…you.
“You’re awake!” You entered the chamber, which was dimly lit by a few candles, wearing a white stola.
The prince sat up in bed, now realizing that he was wearing nothing but a loincloth. “Where am I? The wolves, the jackals,…Lucilla?”
“No,” you replied. “They are not here now."
Commodus’s eyes followed you as you poured a glass of water and brought it to his bedside. So beautiful…and so kind to him, a complete stranger. Surely you must be a goddess, for no human would take such compassion upon someone they have not known. He took a sip from the glass, letting the cool liquid calm him.
"You have nothing to fear, Commodus,” you gently continued, “No one will harm us now. You are safe with me.” You took his free hand in yours and brought his knuckles to your lips.
Commodus blinked yet again, this time out of surprise that you knew his name and were so bold as to touch him. It was not until that kiss that he realized how much he needed your touch. He shuddered with delight for a moment as your gentle, soft fingers brushed against the back of his hand. And your smile…so simple and pure, nothing like the fake smiles the Senate gave when he came to the Forum with his father, or when he excitedly told Lucilla his dreams about being the greatest Emperor.
“Tell me who you are,” Commodus begged, silently admiring each and every aspect of your beauty. But before you answered, there was a knock at the door.
“I must go."
"No, wait…”
His toga drenched with sweat and his limbs aching, Commodus sat up in bed, rudely awakened by the sound of a guard knocking at his door who announced breakfast.
Commodus begrudgingly opened the door and let his servants help him get dressed for the day. Yet in the corner of his eye, while a servant put a golden arm cuff on Commodus’s wrist, he saw you - it couldn’t have been anyone else - pouring a glass of water and coyly offering him a smile, just as you did in the dream.
The rest of the day was nothing short of painful. When Commodus broke his fast with his father and sister, all they were talking about were new developments in the wars with Germania. And of course they talked more about a Spaniard named Maximus who would be joining the palace. For what reason, Commodus didn’t know.
Then, Commodus intervened the conversation and asked his father if, when he left for Germania again, if Commodus could lead his own legion into battle. All he received was yet another version of the same admonishment - that Commodus was too young and not mature enough for battle. It was awful, to say the least; how was he, Commodus, the only living son of Emperor Marcus Aurelius, supposed to become a great emperor without being acquainted with the armies?! How long would he treat Commodus like a little boy, even as Commodus was nearing the age of nineteen?
The prince took his frustrations out in his weaponry classes, defeating every one of his opponents to the ground after rounds of vigorous fighting, only to be admonished again by his tutor, who reprimanded Commodus for his anger. According to the tutor, anger was a warrior’s greatest enemy, for it clouded a warrior’s judgement and led to rash mistakes.
Exhausted - both mentally and physically - Commodus found himself collapsing into bed again, after his nightly routine of drops of perfume and a faceful of cream.
That night, the wolves and the jackals attacked him again, and Lucilla and his father laughed again, and - much to the prince’s surprise - you were there to comfort him again. But this time, before you could leave to answer the knock, Commodus caught your wrist and stared into your eyes.
“Tell me who you are,” he repeated, slightly more demanding. “You do have a name?”
You replied with a soft kiss to his cheek. “We’ll meet soon, Commodus.” Another knock, and you were gone.
Commodus woke up, disgruntled, and barked at the guards this time when they announced breakfast.
This went on for at least two more weeks. Every night, Commodus would endure the same nightmare of being attacked while others mocked him only to find himself in your chamber, being comforted by you in the same way a faithful lover comforts their dearest beloved. And every night, you left before he could learn your name, leaving him with nothing but memories and images of you.
Commodus cursed Venus aloud every morning when he woke from this dream, demanding to know why She would bring you, so lovely and divine, and never reveal your name. Why would Venus be so cruel to make you invade his dreams and his thoughts, and yet keep you away from being in his arms?
He couldn’t stop keep you away from his mind, even while he was dining with his family or practicing with his sword and shield. He wanted, no, needed to know who you were, whether you were a goddess or a human, whether you were living in the empire, whether you were married or engaged to someone else.
“Commodus, you cannot go on like this.” Lucilla chastised him one day when he was caught at breakfast mulling over his dreams about you. “You need to see Galen, it has been a while.” Lucilla sighed and snapped her fingers, bringing her brother away from his thoughts.
Commodus relented, agreeing to see the physician based on Lucilla’s claim that Commodus was not of sound health. Galen had never been able to help Commodus completely stop seeing nightmares, though he was capable of producing a tonic or two that would make Commodus sleep like a corpse for twelve hours straight.
When Commodus approached Galen and the physician asked for his reason for coming, the prince immediately narrated each and every nightmare of his. He expounded upon your appearance in all of those dreams, how you comforted him with your soft touch, how you enchanted him with your loveliness.
The physician was visibly taken aback, not expecting to hear what in his mind seemed irrelevant for a diagnosis.
“I suppose I can give you the tonic we’ve used before…” Galen hesitantly began to look around his apothecary for ingredients.
Commodus shook his head. “Tell me about dreams, Galen. What do they mean?”
“Imperator, dreams can be either a message from the gods, or a symbol of something that is to come in the future. Perhaps both.”
The prince nodded slowly. “Then I must find her, Galen. I must find the one who has come to me in my dreams, for surely she is meant to be mine. That is why the gods have shown her to me. I need to find her, and claim her as mine.”
I’m back! still only at the start of my recovery but on the right track! And writing is my best and main distraction at the moment so I hope you will enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it!
This follows the moment when Commodus learns he won’t be Emperor, but it takes a slightly different turn, he is not alone this time.
It was late in the night; you had decided to take walk in the camp before heading back to your tent for the night. And you hoped for Commodus to join you, but he wasn’t there, maybe he had gone to his father. Afterall since you had left Rome, the only subject he spoke of was being the heir of his father. You smiled as you thought about it, he was so impatient, he had always been a boy full of eagerness, eager to prove himself and you knew he would make a great emperor. How bad you wished you were of noble blood and not just a maid, you would surely be his wife now; you and Commodus had always been close and years ago he had even kissed you. Still, it felt like it was yesterday, you still felt the warm pressure of his lips on yours…how much you wanted it to happen and how much both you and Commodus restrained yourselves from doing so, Marcus Aurelius and even Lucilla would disapprove.
Without realizing you passed by the emperor’s tent, but you stopped as you heard cries, ones that you knew too well…Commodus was crying. What made him so upset? You couldn’t leave him like that, even with his father. So, you entered the tent, and discreetly you approached, trying to understand what was happening before showing yourself.
“I searched the faces of the gods…for ways to please you…to make you proud…one kind word…one full hug, while you pressed me to your chest and held me tight…would have been like the Sun on my heart for a thousand years…what is this in me you hate so much?” he sobbed, his suffering was clear in the tone of his voice and you resisted the urge to run to him and comfort him, what had happened to put him in that state? You watched as his father tried to shush him, as if he didn’t want anyone else to know the pain he inflicted to his son, who had been prepared to be emperor all his life.
“All I ever wanted was to live up to you…Caesar…Father.” It was what you thought, he had chosen another heir for the Empire, how much you understood Commodus’ pain, since the start you had witnessed that tormented and lonely boy, seeking the attention and love of his father…who had been traumatized by the loss of his brothers and yet had to wear the strong mask of the heir of the Empire, educated to be the heir and yet having it taken away from him.
“Commodus.” Said Marcus Aurelius in an almost strict tone, you saw Commodus squinting his eyes shut, trying to prevent the tears from coming out of his eyes, he felt so ashamed, humiliated, he had done is best and yet failed the expectations of his father. What more did he have to do to be loved and trusted by his father!?
“Your faults as a son, is my failure as a father!” he gestured for a hug, and in that moment, you saw something change in the eyes of Commodus, growing anger, once again Marcus Aurelius referred to himself, no comfort to his son. Commodus cupped his father’s face and came into his embrace, hugging him tightly and kissing his face as he sobbed, how bad he felt, how much he craved that embrace and yet…
“I would have butchered the whole world…if you had only loved me….!” Those words broke your heart, you knew how much he loved his father. You watched as he kept crying but soon you noticed his arms around his father tightened and tightened more, the man starting to struggle against his son, his screams for help muffled against his chest, far from earshot of the guards. Commodus was letting it all out, his pain, his frustration, his anger, all his hopes had just collapsed, right in front of him…no he had nothing more to lose.
You froze, and put your hand on your mouth, shocked at that act of raw anger, should you have intervened? And then what? Be killed by Commodus? No, he would never do that… worse if he got arrested, as is servant the both of you would be condemned to torture and painful death. So, you watched the terrible event, powerless, only witness of probably the biggest secret of the Empire.
Suddenly, the arms of the emperor where left without strength, his body going limp. You understood the great Marcus Aurelius was now dead, Commodus quickly let go of him, whimpering at the realization of his act.
“Oh…father…I…” he cried, looking down at his hands, and starting to think, he had to hide what happened, otherwise he was doomed, more than he already was. He effortlessly lifted the old’s man body and went to put it in his bed, doing everything to make sure, he looked like he had died in his bed, telling his last words and wishes to his son, his heir. But panic was obvious on his face, his body language, he couldn’t stop moving around, tears in his eyes, passing a hand through his hair.
“Commodus.” You called him, deciding to step out of your hiding spot, it was a risky move considering the state he was in. But you hated to see him that way, you had to help him and to your eyes, he was the legitimate heir of his father, he deserved to be Emperor. The young man jumped in surprise, clenching his fists as if he was ready to fight.
“Y/N” he tried to keep the tone of his voice unbothered, but it was slightly shaky. How much had you seen? Were you going to scream for the guards?
You lifted your hands in the air in sign of peace “Commodus, what are you going to do?” you asked, your voice slightly trembling. He didn’t answer, as if he was coming out of his trance and quickly looked at his father and then around, panic reaching him again “Y/N I…I don’t know…I didn’t…” he murmured, his eyes full of fear, like you had seen so many times.
Once again, you couldn’t resist seeing him in that state and approached him, putting your hand on his forearm and making him jump out of anxiety. His eyes searched your face, still trying to understand what your plans were. “Commodus…I belong to you; I pledges to serve you. And above all I…care about you, a lot…I want to help you.” You said softly, slightly blushing because you never mentioned your feelings so directly.
He looked at you with a threatening gaze, he didn’t want to appear weak, not even in front of you, not in that moment, he had to try “I am your Emperor now. Take my hand Y/N, I only offer it once.” Your heart skipped a beat, he was wearing that damn mask again, even if he knew it wasn’t effective with you, you knew how he felt inside and instead what he meant by that gesture; he was pleading you to not let him go, to trust him and support him like you always had with each other.
“I would die for you Caesar.” You replied, lowering your head and took his hand, kissing his ring with fervor, you always were by his side and forever you will be. You lifted your eyes as you felt his fingers squeezing yours.
“If…” he swallowed down, unable to keep his mask on with you any longer “If you lived for me it would be even better.” He said, his mask fully breaking down and bursting into tears, and before you could react, he threw his arms around you, hugging you tightly and sobbing on your shoulder. Without hesitation you wrapped your arms around him.
“Why…why!? I did everything…I followed him on the battlefield, I was a good son! I was brave w-…when my brothers died…when I had to accompany him to war, far from home…far from you…. Wisdom, justice, fortitude, temperance…why, why was it so important?! I told him, I told him who I am, ambition, resourcefulness, courage, devotion isn’t that virtues?!” he said frantically through tears “Why couldn’t he accept me as I am!? I could have made him proud…he didn’t even give me the chance…” you blinked away the tears in your eyes, all his life he had asked you those questions, trying to fit his father’s expectations, hiding himself, being alone.
“Hush Commodus.” You murmured, gently lulling him against you, your hands tracing circles on his back; you glanced at the dead emperor, he looked like he was sleeping, he had truly ignored how much Commodus suffered, instead he had grown attached to another man, that general Maximus…who had been like a brother to Commodus, a true stab in the back. “You have been the best you could-”
“But I wasn’t enough!” his yelling was muffled against your shoulder, his hands gripping your dress.
“Commodus, you have been the best. Any father would be proud of who you are…”
“But mine wasn’t! I don’t care about the others; I just want him…to be proud of me…” he sobbed again.
“Now, the only thing you have to do is prove him wrong, prove all of them that they are wrong. From his divine seat and to the gods, you will show your father you were worthy.” You murmured, trying your best to sooth his pain. The young Emperor whimpered, burying more in your embrace, his whole body trembling.
You held him in your arms for long minutes, letting him grieve his father, letting him vent all the pain he had inside. As he cried, you made sure no one came in to check on the former Emperor. You would keep this heavy secret for Commodus. Perhaps you were blinded by your love for him, but you will not leave him anymore. Maybe this was your chance for you and Commodus to be united after years of having to pretend like you didn’t care for each other.
“Commodus…come with me.” You whispered, gently massaging his scalp. The new emperor didn’t have the strength to protest, shocked over the decision of his father and of his own actions, it all felt like a bad dream. So, he followed you as you guided him to the bathing area of his dead father. You made him sit on his father’s chair and took a basin of fresh water and a clean cloth, kneeling in front of him to freshen up his face. You detailed his features, a light smile forming on your lips, you always found him incredibly handsome, much more than General Maximus who made all women crazy. Commodus’ traits were more delicate, a reflection of his inner turmoil and sensitivity, his soft lips that had kissed you once, the scar on his upper lip, a reflection of his wounded soul; his deep clear eyes which always seemed to be teary and yet which could bear the most frightening gaze. He equally detailed you as you dampened his face, never he had looked at a woman like he looked at you, not even his sister, softly and yet puzzled as if he couldn’t understand why he had such a beautiful and caring creature in front of his eyes.
“Why are you helping me?” he asked in a murmur, yet he was almost defensive.
“Because I vowed to loyally serve you.” You answered, briefly pausing from the cleaning.
“It can’t be just that. You are risking a lot. You could be rewarded actually if you denunciate me.” He said, his look inquisitive; he had learned that in the high sphere of Rome, he could trust no one, not even the slaves. You briefly looked down, a light blush covering your cheeks.
“Because I have a deep affection for you Commodus, I always had. And it only became stronger since that time when you kissed me.” You answered sincerely, not daring to look at him in the eyes, once again, you had never explicitly told your feelings for each other. After long seconds of silence, you felt the tip of his fingers on your chin, delicately lifting it to meet your eyes. His gaze had become soft again, full of pain and broken hopes.
“Then you must know I feel the same as you do. I did kiss you, not out of carnal desire but out of love, and I would do it again.” He said, taking your hand and fondly kissing it, your heart skipped a beat at his words but then what to do?
“Commodus you can’t…”
“I can’t what? Tell you that I reciprocate your feelings? That for years I wished to ask for your hand? No, I am Emperor now and I get to decide. My father won’t oppose me anymore and my sister owes me respect. I shall love you as I always wanted.” He replied fiercely, your saw in his eyes that passion, that ambition he always had and that you loved.
“But that can’t be the first decision you will take as the Emperor of Rome. I shall wait for you and remain by your side as always.” Your words brought him back to reality, you were right. Despite being a nobody to the eyes of all, in the shadows you had learned and observed how the ruling of the Empire worked. He remained silent for a minute, letting you take the necessary to shave him.
“The new Emperor has to make a good first impression. Therefore, you must be well shaven, dea- sorry.” You blushed as you almost called him by an affectionate name. It made him smile, his first genuine smile in a few days.
“When we are alone, you can call me as you wish Y/N.” he reassured you, titling his head to help you shave him. Carefully, you placed your fingers under his chin as a support as your other hand let the blade slide along his cheek, it had a been much time since you had been so close to him, you felt his pulse increase under your touch even though his facial expression remained the neutral. “And thank you. For…shaving me. You are right, the Emperor has to look perfect, even late in the night.” He answered, he wasn’t yet understanding the severity of the situation, it all felt unreal. He looked down at his hands, they had affectionately held his father and killed him, maybe he was much worse, maybe his father was right not to choose him as his heir. “You know about father’s list of virtues. And you know I don’t have any of them. Is it so important to be worthy to rule Rome?” he asked, now looking at you, needing advice, and perhaps to be reassured.
You remained silent at first, thinking about those virtues and those of the young Emperor. “No, it is not. Your virtues will make you accomplish great things Commodus. Your ambition will push you to do everything you can to make the People’s dream come true. And with your resourcefulness you will find new ways to keep the Empire in its golden age, no matter what enemies you might face, you will fight them, you will fight for the people and not to please the Senate. Finally, you will restore what the People always wanted, an Emperor who takes care of them. You are ready to accomplish your duty for Rome.” You said, not being able to hold back your passion and your love for him. You blushed when you met his gaze, had you been foolish? But a smile slowly formed on his lips, tender and amused.
“You know, I always loved you Y/N and for many reasons, but they forbade us, not just because of social hierarchy but because they are afraid of the power of our love, of what we could accomplish together. With your love I am invincible.” he looked at you fondly and slightly tilted his head to press his lips against yours. You retained a gasp at the feeling, how much you had dreamt it and yet it was happening again, when you thought it would never be a reality. You closed your eyes and cupped his cheek as he passionately wrapped his arms around your waist, smiling against your lips, he felt hope rise in his heart again, maybe he could make it all right!
“Let’s show Rome what a wonderful Emperor you will be.” You murmured, happily smiling, after all, maybe this was your chance for a new start, both for a slave and a new Emperor.
I was re-reading this story and oh my gods, this is truly a work of art. I love the way you paired these particular lines.
“I would die for you, Caesar”
“If you lived for me it would be even better.”
I also enjoyed how intimate you’ve created the relationship between Commodus and the reader - it almost reminds me of what the historical Commodus might have been like with his lover Marcia!
Thank you for writing this, @darknessisafriend - your stories are the type I could never get tired of re-reading.
