#communal living

Contemplating how insidious it is that communal/intergenerational living is so heavily frowned upon in Western society. 

The idea that you MUST financially and emotionally support yourself in order to be a fulfilled adult benefits the housing market and megacorporations (who benefit from marketing to smaller familial units and avoiding conflict of interest in their workers) more than it will ever benefit you. 

The rhetoric that your twenties are “supposed” horrible, lonely time and that it’s normal to be miserable and isolated in your twenties is completely false. Though moods fluctuate and periods of difficulty are normal, I refuse to believe that we evolved to be consistently unhappy for any long period in our lives. If you are consistently unhappy, there’s a reason for it, whether it’s environmental or neurochemical.

The idea that “everyone’s unhappy when they’re young” is another notion that benefits the school system (which wants students to prioritize standardized tests over their mental and emotional health) and the corporations (which want people to prioritize their work over their mental and emotional health). Question why you are indoctrinated to believe you should accept unhappiness.

What really brought this line of thinking into focus for me was the pandemic. Now, I’m twenty-three, a grad student getting my second Masters degree, and an educator. I also happily live with my family, and have no plans to move away.

This used to really frustrate some people I know, who had based their idea of selfhood on independence (which is okay!). But since the pandemic, their protestations have slowly but surely died down, as it brought into focus the very reason why bigger social units can be necessary to maintain mental and emotional health in difficult times. 

The pandemic brought me and my family so much closer together as we leaned on one another and depended on one another, and I sincerely doubt I could get through it without them (at least, not with my emotional well-being intact).

I also don’t think I should need to justify wanting to prioritize my parents, siblings, and close friends. Our culture encourages us to prioritize romantic relationships; the only adult cohabitation that is encouraged is between significant others. But it is unfair to expect one person to be your sole means of emotional support, both to them and to you. It is similarly unfair to expect everyone to WANT a romantic relationship to begin with. 

To be clear: not everyone has a good family or support system, and some people are happier alone. That’s perfectly okay! But I think we also need to accept that the alternative is true: many people NEED a support system, and they shouldn’t be shamed for it. We shouldn’t be shamed for wanting to live with family, for prioritizing family, or for living communally (for example, people who live with friends or roommates).

Most of all, I believe we could benefit from being more critical of what society tells us is good for us. Always ask yourself, “who does this ideology benefit?” Much of the time, it’s not you. And much of the time, someone who is not you is making money from it.

Don’t be ashamed to choose the kind of life or lifestyle that makes you happy, and though a healthy degree of discomfort can accompany growth, prolonged misery should not.