Novel Excerpt

So here’s an example of the prose I’m currently working with and any feedback would be appreciated: 

I’m breathing deep and I’m there and I’m also not there. I watch as their bodies intertwine and interlink on the pure cotton white sheets.

Exhalation, moans of deep pleasure and tide tongues laid before my eyes. The woman I loved, held and adored in deep embrace with body of another. And I myself am too tongue-tied to drink it up and bring forth any rejection of what I’m observing. 

The air was thick with the scent of consensual deceit. A deceit I desired to see and one in which they desired to brandish in a zeal of humiliation. Every thrust lead to another gasp of pleasure in which I could never provide for her. 

Her beautiful dark eyes fixed upon mine as he they changed from an intimate missionary position to her presenting herself on all fours to him. Her eyes still locked on mine as he took his large, thick member before softly penetrating her moist, wanting pussy. 

A strong moan of pleasure erupted forth from her thick, passionate lips. 

Hanging her head down as his thrusts once more took up pace, he gripped at her glossy black hair and pulled her head up so she could see my eyes once more. Only for a brief moment could she provide me with a devious smirk and acknowledgement before once again losing herself in that beautiful intense passion. 

Thank you for reading, and please let me know your thoughts.