#dickens draws

I will never not draw Joanne’s version of Instinct.

ALT

Date Night Bingo. Dialogue.

Helena: What, in this intolerable world, is Date Night Bingo?

Myka: It’s some ridiculous game they play, and think I don’t know about, whenever we go on a date. They mark off all of the things that happen during that date and whoever gets a whole row wins.

Myka reaches out to Pete.

Myka: Hand it over.

Pete gives his BINGO card to Myka.

Myka taps a finger to her temple.

Helena: She thrives on situationalawareness.

Pete: She thrives on taking the fun out of everything.

Myka: Let us review, shall we?

Myka looks up at Pete, already annoyed.

Pete: Hey, this wasn’t a solo effort.

Pete gestures with a nod to Claudia.

Claudia: I threw my hand in, here and there. Someone had to stop Pete from filling half the board with random acts of—

Pete: They don’t need to know about that.

Helena: And so the not-rare-enough occasion of me being in agreement with Peter rears its ugly head, once again.

Pete looks to Myka, confused.

Myka: She means “ditto”.

Pete: Ooh! You could just say “ditto”, H.G.

Helena: I will never say this “ditto”.

Myka and Pete, at once: You just said it.

Helena sighs and walks away.

Myka examines the BINGO card and starts from the top.

Myka: “Myka Trips”?

Pete: Inevitable.

Myka: “On Absolutely Nothing”?

Claudia: It’s practically your trademark.

Myka: “Ping”. That’s definitely happened too many times before.

Pete and Claudia nod proudly.

Myka: “H.G. Chooses Tacos Again”.

Helena walks back to the group, annoyed.

Helena: I lived over one hundred years before I knew of the joy that is a taco. I am allowed to enjoy a taco.

Pete stifles his laughter.

Claudia: (elbows Pete) See, this is what I’m talking about dude. You gotta chill with the dirty jokes.

Myka: “H.G. Cooks”. And it’s accompanied by an illustration of fire and smoke. Lovely.

Helena takes the BINGO card.

Helena: Let me see that.

Claudia: That’s all Pete.

Pete: You literally drew that.

Claudia: He asked for flames. I didn’t ask questions.

Helena hands the card back to Myka.

Helena: Once again, I lived one hundred years without. Excuseme for not having access to a stove while in bronze.

Pete: Again, H.G., you could have just said “ditto”. Instead of all of that.

Myka: “Myka Twirls A Finger In Her Hair”. Okay, I’ll give you that one, too. I’ve been doing that since I was a kid. But “Myka Twirls A Finger In H.G.’s Hair"… oh.

Myka smiles and blushes.

Helena: Okay. Ditto.

Pete: See, that wasn’t so hard.

Helena: It was, actually.

Claudia: I used to feel really bad for you H.G. but I’m starting to realize you make a lot of trivial things look extremely painful.

Helena glares at Claudia.

Claudia: See, like that.

Myka: Why are the wigged, sentient plastic bones that we do not speak of on the BINGO card?

Pete: Uh, we made the card template before she became sentient.

Claudia: As far as we know.

Pete: As far as we know.

Helena: You could have just said “ditto”.

Myka: Now she’s an expert.

Helena: My darling Myka, exactly whose side are you on?

Myka reaches for Pete’s dauber and presses a dot to the BINGO card square that reads “H.G. says darling”.

Helena: (to Pete and Claudia) You don’t know me.

Myka presses an attentive kiss into Helena’s hair.

Pete: That’s a kiss!

Claudia: They already kissed.

Pete: What? No.

Myka: You already have "Kiss or Cry” marked. Also, rude.

Pete:When?

Claudia: That’s like the first thing they did.

Pete: You already kissed! Do something else.

Myka: You’re not playing the game, Pete! And why does the square that reads “Food Spill” have a subscript of “Probably Myka”?

Pete points to a stain at the bottom of Myka’s dress.

Claudia: Practically a free square.

Helena: My love, when did you even have ketchup to spill on yourself?

Myka: WHY IS “TENTACLE-INDUCED GAGGING” ON HERE?

Myka gags.

Claudia: That’s why.

Pete: You did pick a seafood place.

Claudia: H.G. sat you two right by the squid tank.

Myka: How could you possibly know that?

Helena: I did, and you did gag. I’m sorry, love. I noticed far too late.

Myka: I’d contemplate revenge-eating shrimp so that you can’t kiss me for the rest of the night but I’d only be punishing myself.

Helena: I think we’ve suffered enough time apart in this lifetime.

Pete: Why can’t you kiss H.G. if you eat shrimp?

Claudia: H.G. has a shellfish allergy.

Pete: Why would you choose to eat at a seafood place if you—

Helena: Myka does love her fish and chips.

Pete turns to Claudia and holds his arms out in display of this perfect setup for a perfectly not great joke.

Claudia: You don’t even care that you’re traumatizing me, do you?

Pete: Ugh. Fine. But why didn’t we add “Myka-Induced Allergic Reaction to Shrimp Kisses” to the board?

Myka: Because she could die. And you would soonfollow.

Helena: Is “Interrupted By Two People Who Will Soon Find Themselves Deceased And Certainly Not By Shrimp Kisses” on there?

Pete: No?

Claudia: I told you we should have added “H.G. Threatens Someone’s Life” to the card.

Pete: Too easy. Besides, we have “H.G. Uses The Tesla”, which is almost the same thing.

Claudia: We need easy ones to replace things like—

Myka: “Myka Mentions Pre-Law, Pre-Med, or Fencing”? What’s wrong with me talking about my past?

Pete yawns.

Claudia: Sorry, Myka, but twelve years in, there’s just no defense for rehashing that.

Myka turns to Helena expectantly.

Helena: I love hearing your pre-law before you were pre-med stories.

Myka: I was pre-med before I was pre-law—

Helena: Right, yes. Pre-fencing, pre-med, pre-law. Secret service turned warehouse agent turned bookshop keeper returned warehouse agent, and now, soon-to-be retired. We can hope.

Myka:Helena.

Helena: Should considerretirement.Soon.

Myka sighs.

Helena: So we can move away, far far away from this place and these all too regular, and growing in regularity, interruptions.

Myka: Here’s a “Mrs. F Magically Appears” square. Speaking of interruptions.

Everyone pauses for a moment to check their surroundings.

Helena whispers to Myka: Situational awareness.

Myka: More like a trauma response.

Helena: Potato, tomato.

Pete: It’s potayto, potawto.

Helena looks at Pete as though he’s grown a second head.

Pete reaches his hands to his shoulders, just to be sure he hasn’t.

Pete: You said tomato but it’s—

Claudia: She’s barely keeping her head above water with ditto, dude. Let it go.

Helena flips her hair condescendingly. Pete just knows it.

Myka: There’s the “H.G. Hair Flip”.

Helena: That is not on there.

Myka points to the box on the card for Helena to see.

Helena is annoyed. Again. Or still.

Helena: We could move to Florida. It’s so very very far away from here.

Myka: I’m not living in Florida, Helena.

Claudia points to “Myka Cooks” on the card, which is accompanied by an illustration of a smoking pan.

Claudia: You’ll need to hire a cook.

Myka and Helena glare at Claudia in unison. But it’s Claudia. And she’s not exactlywrong.

They let it go.

Helena: “Ex Encounter - Again” could be filed under “H.G. Uses The Tesla” or even “Someone Holds Someone At Gunpoint.”

Claudia: That would be historically accurate.

Pete: Historically? I think you mean predictably accurate. Presently accurate. Painfully so.

Myka: They weren’t my exes. They were just… there.

Helena mumbles something inaudible.

Pete: I don’t think what you’re saying can be translated into Victorian times, Mykes.

Claudia: Oh, it absolutely can be translated into Victorian times. Dare I say it was first translated from Victorian times.

Myka: The Victorian had plenty of herowntimes.

Helena: Every time you refer to me as The Victorian, I hear only one thing.

Everyone looks at Helena.

Helena:Ancient hag.

Pete: H.G.

Claudia: C'mon H, that’s not what we’re saying–

Myka: “Not-So-Secret Marriage”? Pete, we’re already married.

Pete:Again, old template.

Claudia: Yeah, 2016 was a wild year in the Date Night BINGOlympics.

Helena: I’m sorry, what has she just said?

Myka: Ditto to Helena’s question because I have no idea.

Claudia: The Date Night BINGOlympics.

Pete: Oh, yeah, 2016. Wildest Date Night BINGO year on record. You guys went from barely talking to not talking to secretly talking to secretly meeting up to—

Claudia: Not-so-secretly meeting up and not-so-secretly “meeting up”.

Pete: That’s when we added “H.G. Gathers Myka’s Apples”.

Helena looks to Myka, bewildered.

Myka: (mouthing to Helena) I am so sorry.

Pete: We took a big risk adding Not So Secret Marriage to the card that year.

Claudia: It wasn’t that big of a risk. We saw the Not So Secret Engagement Ring that Myka only ever wore on a necklace.

Pete: And the Not So Secret plane tickets that Myka tried to hide in her Not So Secret Drawer of Not So Secret Helena Clothes that starting piling up after all of your Not So Secret “Artifact Consulting” visits.

Myka and Helena stare in appalled silence.

Claudia: Their faces are screaming “Oh Look, They’re flying!”

Pete: That counts. Daub it!

Pete reaches for his dauber.

Myka: Don’t even think about it. This game is over.

Helena:Ditto.

Claudia: But you haven’t even gotten to the best ones!

Myka: “Someone Uses The Grappler”? Neither of us has the knees for that anymore.

Pete: (to Claudia) Do you really expect me to survive this humorless world of no innuendo jokes? She’s walking right into them!

Claudia: I’m just a baby, Pete. Think of my innocence.

Pete groans.

Myka: “H.G. Mentions The 1800s”? “Date-Busting Artifact”, ugh, don’t remind me.

Helena: Date-Busting Soon-To-Be-Deceased Ex Stalker-Coworkers.

Myka: “Old Book References”. “Date Night At the BnB”. “Break… Up?”

Pete: (snatching the BINGO card from Myka) Yeah, that’s nothing. But hey, look, “FUDGE”! That’s happened before, right? Remember that time in Colorado, when you bought “fudge” at the “natural health store” that H.G. didn’t know was actually a weed shop? And then you both kept smelling fudge, thought there was an artifact nearby, and tried neutralizing your nephew with a static bag hat?

Myka snatches the BINGO card back.

Myka: Why would you put BREAK UP on here?

Helena takes BINGO card and gasps.

Helena: I ditto that question!

Pete: All right all right, relax with the ditto.

Claudia: Look, we have to have some improbabilities on there, otherwise it’s no fun.

Myka: Florida is starting to sound really really nice, actually.

Pete: No, Mykes, Florida is not starting to sound really really nice right now.

Claudia: Ditto to that.

Helena: Let me see that dot-making thing.

Myka hands Helena the purple dauber.

Helena daubs a square that says “We Got Caught” with a doodle of Claudia and Pete then reaches to Claudia.

Helena: And yours?

Claudia hands Helena the teal dauber.

Helena daubs another dot over that very same square. She hands Pete and Claudia their daubers back, gives the BINGO card back to Myka.

Helena: Now, if you three are done here, we’ve a movie to catch.

Myka: And maybe some fudge to buy.

Before anyone can say anything about that, the metallic ring of Pete’s Farnsworth starts sounding in his pocket. As he answers the call, he holds the contraption out at an arm’s length so that everyone present can see. So that nobody present can go unseen.

There, on the black and white screen, is Artie’s face, barely visible through the distortion of a weak analog signal.

Artie: Date night’s over. We have a ping. And lucky for our budget, the artifact just happens to be at the movie theater, mere steps from where you four currently stand.

Everyone begins protesting all at once.

Artie: Oh. I see. You all seem to be very deeply confused about what is happening here. This isn’t an offer, I am not taking volunteers. It is an assignment.

Everyone groans.

Artie: I’m emailing the details this very moment. The faster you get to work, the sooner you’ll be able to enjoy the rest of your evening.

Myka: Artie, Helena and I are still in the middle of our—

Artie: And oh look, “Ping” and “Artie Cancels Date Night” makes BINGO for me.

More protests.

Artie: GET TO WORK!

The Farnsworth screen goes dark.

Pete: Did he just—

Claudia: Holy shit, we just got double crossed by a crook boss.

Pete: But how did he get—

Helena: I am begging you to add “H.G. Murders Artie" to the BINGO card. I can guarantee that square will win at least once.

Pete: And how would he even know…?

Myka: Hurricane season, here we come.

The End.

Took a whole college class on Adobe Illustrator because nine months ago I was commissioned for a drawing and when they asked for it as a vector, I had no idea how to dothat.

I finished the commission in my regular shmegular way but now that my class is nearing its end, I can comfortably say that I know how to transform my drawings into fancy-pants vectors, too.

Most importantly, I have learned how Illustrator works for me as a design tool and how it doesn’t (yet) work for me as an illustration tool. I know that’s … weird but I love my little hand sketching and Illustrator just isn’t that program.

Our final project was to build a portfolio of our work and here’s something you all may not know about me but… most of my work is Bering and Wells.

I struggle to want to draw anything else, especially personal stuff, because I just don’t want to put that out there. Also, work has been unfathomably difficult lately - not just the calls but the people I work with - and this is my biggest, brightest, happiest outlet.

It’s a hurdle I think I’ll overcome with time (and retirement), one I believe I have to, in order to tell (and FINISH telling) the stories I want to tell. For now, it is what it is. I do what I can with the time and energy that I have, and hopefully its a bright spot in an otherwise gloomy world.

Anyway. Thank y’all for liking my little doodles. I wouldn’t even be on this path without the folks who welcomed me into the Defiance and Bering & Wells fandoms eight years ago. That includes Jaime and Joanne and Julie, who have always been lovely about and supportive of my work.

ALT

“Only one bed? What fortune.” - Helena, probably