#eisuke hondou
The whole three months were quiet for Ran. All she did was attend her clinical rotations, read up her books and go on outings with Eisuke-kun. She called them outings because she felt that calling them dates would be a disservice to actual romantic dates. The distinct lack of any kind of tension clued Ran in what would happen to her marriage with Eisuke-kun.
A friend. That’s what she would call Eisuke-kun and it seemed like Eisuke-kun had caught up on how she felt about him, when he had gently probed her with a “You don’t feel it either, huh, Ran-san?”
All Ran could do was offer him a sheepish smile and answer no. No, she didn’t feel like Eisuke-kun was the man she would spend her life with. She didn’t feel like it was a waste of time for her though. When she had previously thought that any good, smart, kind man would work out well as a husband, she came to realize that she had preferences. She snorted to herself. What was the use of having preferences when she couldn’t meet a man who met them?
Thankfully, Eisuke-kun didn’t feel that their time together was wasted either. He was gallant and had teased her about how now he had a reserved date and wouldn’t have to resort to asking out one of his colleagues for parties. They had agreed to be just friends and when Eisuke-kun had offered her to not tell their fathers about their decision, Ran had felt a bit melancholic. Here was a man who was an actual good person and any girl would be lucky to have him as her significant other but all she could muster up at that moment was gratitude.
Gratitude that he was willing to help her keep up appearances. They had gotten close in the past three months and Ran thought of him as a very dear friend and she had decided to lay out her insecurities bare in front of him. About how she thought it was difficult for her to have romantic feelings for anyone. How deficient she felt because of that. How she worried that she was missing something fundamental that everyone had. And Eisuke-kun had listened to her patiently and consoled her by saying that she hadn’t met her person yet. In lieu of baring their walls down, Eisuke-kun had admitted to her that he had loved another woman but their relationship had turned so toxic, that they almost destroyed each others’ lives and how lost he had been after; trying to stand up on his own and how hopeless it seemed to live. He went on to say how a homicide detective, his colleague now, had helped him find a purpose in life. How much he had helped him to gain a sense of his worth.
While he had been lost in thought, reminiscing about his past, Ran just looked at his face and started naming the emotions that were running though her.
Affection.That he had survived such a hardship and been able to turn into such a wonderful man.
Pain.For what he had to suffer through.
Empathy.For the sense of loss he felt.
And so, she came to a conclusion. Eisuke Hondou was a wonderful man but he wasn’t her person. She didn’t love him like a woman loved a man. She loved him like a friend loved her friend and once, Eisuke-kun was out of his thoughts and saw the sad yet determined look on her face, he knew what she was going to say.
After a brief hug and a “Wish I could have felt something more for you” they decided to be friends.
Ran was curious though. “Who was the person who helped you out, Eisuke-kun?”
Eisuke smiled fondly at the thought of his saviour, mentor and best friend and said, “Shinichi Kudou.”
Eisuke Hondou was a good man. A kind man. And Ran thought that if she were to get married, he would work well. He was a homicide detective in the Tokyo Police. A well behaved, smart, kind man like him would make a great husband, she thought. She should be grateful her father introduced him to her as a partner but all she could think was finally.
Finally, she no longer had to worry about probing questions about her relationship status. The skeptical glances she would get when she answered that she had never been in a relationship. The out of place guilt and shame she would feel for not being able to perfrom the basic function of being loved and loving someone romantically.
Hondou-san was soft spoken but was firm. After their fathers had introduced them to each other and given them some privacy to get to know each other, Ran couldn’t find any faults in him. Well, it was too quick to make an accurate assessment of him, if she were being honest. Nobody could actually know the real person, people whom you trusted for so many years could betray you given the right set or circumstances and people whom you had written off could become your saviour.
So, yeah, he was a good person was her first impression. But well, wouldn’t he try to show off his good qualities in the first meeting? After all, it was a meeting for marriage. But she digressed. Ran knew that she could be very wary of people and their intentions, a by-product of being surrounded by a broken marriage and fickle friends.
When she had said that she couldn’t say yes to getting married, Eisuke-kun, as he insisted she called him, was very understanding. She did explain herself by telling him that she didn’t think that she could agree to spending her life with him if she didn’t know him. Eisuke-kun had smiled and said, “Mouri-san, I find it very admirable that you’re not agreeing to the marriage within an hour of us meeting each other and I agree that we should think about it more seriously.”
Ran had sighed, happy that he wasn’t offended and had shot him a tiny smile, “Thank you for being so understanding,” she crossed her fingers and continued in a hesitated tone, “If you don’t mind, we could meet up and get to know each other? I’m sorry I’m being so reluctant about it.”
Eisuke-kun had blown away her apology and they ended the meeting with a ‘no, we’re not agreeing to be married but we’ll get to know each other and see how it goes.’ Needless to say, their fathers didn’t find that chain of action very appealing but agreed grudgingly. At least, it wasn’t a direct no.
She wondered why she wasn’t excited though. Maybe it hadn’t hit her yet. Essentially, Eisuke-kun was going to date her. Shouldn’t she had felt a tiny bit of glee? The jumping, the smiling, the high pitched voice and thumping heart beats that her friends would describe when they met a man they were interested in? Maybe it would grow slowly? Her feelings for him? After all, it was their first meeting and while he was fairly attractive, Ran wasn’t taken in by his looks. She did appreciate his nature though. Any other man would have been offended at her refusal but he had been very understanding and that was the reason she was going to try.
She smiled sadly to herself as she thought about how naive she has been when she was young. Romances, it seemed, weren’t her cup of tea. Well, passionate, whirl wind romances which could blow off your feet kind weren’t her cup of tea. Maybe, a relationship with a man who she couldn’t find faults with would suit her better.
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Gonna continue!
