#evolution of imaginary things

«You will learn to give life
To then wish to take it back
And to feel how it hurts
To love and cherish
Remembering every day
That one day you might lose everything

Our pain gives life to you
Our death gives life to you
Every time is like the first time

How many times will you reset the clock, hoping to delay what has already happened?

Touch us with your eyes while you can
You gave us life
But it’s not up to you to decide what our death will be»

…

The death and birth of my creatures, vaerafes.

From a realistic render to illegible image, I tried to recreate - in reverse order - the moment of their birth, from emotions and feelings, from the song of synesthesia, from such a rough image in my mind, which has gone through the years of evolution from a simple sketch to a realistic 3D model. This symbolizes both their birth and their death - not as living beings, but as who they really are - an idea, the life that was born in my head, and to the embodiment of which I went through many thorns of attempts, experiments, mistakes.

It looks simple and logical when you look at the final version, but when all you have is the last picture in this post, then it is very, very difficult to recreate a whole image of a living being from it. It’s so beautiful and terrifying in its own way to realize and to observe it, and sometimes, to be honest, I want to erase everything. Return to the beginning, to the moment when I saw only unclear spots of shapes and color, tasting all the heart-touching emotions, trying to repeat these shapes on a sheet of paper, I appreciated every eye that looked at me from the pages, even if I could not draw anything good about them besides the eyes. These impressions are so easy to forget when you can render dozens of detailed models, not even participating in the process of their birth, but watching the computer itself drawing a being that I once suffered about, and so much desired to see.

I want to remember this. Why I started drawing them in the first place.

…
The idea of this image is taken from an old drawing of mine when I started trying to draw them, and so this symbolizes all the journey that I went through, full of agony of birth and death.