#felidae book

“They were the nasty hoods who typically stood around on street corners, cats whose mission in life was to pester innocent people day and night, take every possible opportunity to raise hell, and get into gory brawls, but only when they involved opponents weaker than they. The greater part of their intellect, to the extent that they could be said to have one, was no doubt only concerned with how they could best bring ruin to themselves and others. Two rat-faced, wily looking oriental shorthair mutants who got their kicks by swiping meals from other bowls and crapping on expensive carpets. Cowardly and psychotic at the same time, one more loutish, more repulsive than the other. The cleverer of the two black brothers was so cross-eyed that he probably saw what was going on in the world 180 times, crossed eyes being a distinctive defect that say more about character than any scientific study. The other jerk had a silly, crooked grin, a fitting indication of his type of humor.”

“Suddenly, a beast as big as a Westinghouse king-size deep freeze shot out of the berry bush and landed right in front of us. He was truly the largest, most awe-inspiring brother I had ever come across. Although one is inclined to ascribe the character traits of the engagingly silly persians to color-points, this satanic mammoth would put every standardizing description to shame. The name ‘Kong’ hit the nail on the head. A black head the size of an overripe watermelon grew out of his dirty-white, unkempt coat that had probably never seen a comb, and, like the coats of most long-haired clowns, was hopelessly knotted. The azure-blue eyes, the tiny ears, the flattened, hardly existent nose, indeed every normally visible sense organ and limb vanished in a gigantic furry ball of filth and noxious stench, making it hard to discern Kong’s intentions.”

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The Felidae movie had me hooked ever since I watched it the first time. So I hunted down the book, eventually borrowing it from my local library (after needing to order it from a different system). Here is what the Neighborhood Scumbags look like in their origins!