“I remember thinking, I could never go on a quest like that. Because I’m not clean. I mean, I was just a little kid. But you think maybe I knew? I mean, deep down, that I had demon blood in me, and about the evil of it, and that I’m - wasn’t pure?” (8x21)
There was a certain look that Aziraphale wore occasionally—a pinched sort of moue that looked like he’d just taken a very large mouthful of cinnamon—which meant he thought Crowley was being ridiculous. He had put it on
“Hang on,” he had said. “You want us to do human things?”
* If you’re going to go native, you might as well go all the way.
So it was fine. Even if Crowley couldn’t love him, he clearly liked him well enough, and that was almost the same thing.
It no doubt would have continued to be fine, or at least fine-adjacent, were it not for a narrowly averted apocalypse and several bottles of a really quite nice Riesling Aziraphale had found in the back room of his newly restored bookshop.
“How many people don’t believe I exist?” Crowley asks in the doorway. “I’m sure no – ” Aziraphale begins, only to be cut off by Gabriel and a reluctant Newton. “Everyone.”
No one wants to say it, but the residents of Dorm A, floor 3, are collectively convinced Aziraphale Fell’s boyfriend does not exist. This is their story.
As their lunch stretches on Aziraphale slowly comes to realize that Crowley is—enjoying him. Enjoying Aziraphale’s conversation, and company, far more openly than he has in most of Aziraphale’s memory. And Aziraphale knows that he himself is just chattering on, letting conversational tangents carry him along, and—it’s definitely relief, for him, knowing for the first time in a long time that they aren’t being watched, that no one is keeping score for now.
- Aziraphale realizes that Crowley’s been saying something rather loudly for a week.
“Can you imagine ruining something so frustratingly perfect just to get a leg up with Management?” Crowley then remembers who he’s talking to and why he’s here in the first place. “Sorry, bad example, of course youcan.”
There are many times Crowley comes a little too close to saying—or doing—something about how he feels. Plenty of times he finds himself dangerously close to getting too close to Aziraphale, stepping into his personal space and waiting to see how he reacts before getting even closer, so close there’s not enough space between them even for God—that damned ineffable bastard—to interfere.
Anthony J. Crowley’s life seems like it’s finally falling into place: his floral shop has begun to gain an undercurrent of appreciation in the design elite of London, and he might have even finally found a boyfriend who looks just right lounging on his Tenreiro sofa. Things seem almost perfect, until one day the empty shop across the street is leased to frumpy fellow Oxford alumni, who doesn’t seem to remember Crowley nearly as well as he remembers him, which really shouldn’t bother him as much as it does - it was ten years ago after all, and it wasn’t even that good of a kiss.
CROWLEY: I try not to make a habit of gratitude, but I must give our appreciation to everyone out there who’s been listening and subscribing to The Ineffable Plan. AZIRAPHALE: Ooh, yes, we’ve become quite popular, haven’t we? CROWLEY: Yeah, just hit number eight on the advice charts … No advertising at all. AZIRAPHALE: Mm. How … miraculous. CROWLEY: … Aziraphale. You did not.
***
Crowley and Aziraphale are very possibly the people least qualified, on the entire planet, to start up an advice podcast.
But what else is there to do when the world isn’t ending anytime soon, you’re technically on indefinite sabbatical from your lifelong careers, and you need a plausible excuse to spend more time with your best friend who you’re definitely not, absolutely not, maybe just a little, actually maybe overwhelmingly in love with?
Crowley arrives injured at Aziraphale’s door. He takes care of him, reads him an awful lot of Mary Oliver, and knits elaborate metaphors for his insecurities (literally).
‘Drive safe, don’t open that. Aziraphale watches Crowley there, his cupped hands around this thermos of holy water. This carcrash ruin wrapped up in his chest. Just this bit of holy water and a scrap of undrownable paper with the single line please, I love you.’
Summary: The angel fidgets again, unable to meet the demon’s eyes. “It’s…it’s not just a feeling for me, Crowley. It’s a…desire. It’s something I want to do.” He licks his lips unconsciously, missing how the demon’s hungry eyes follow his tongue. “It’s something I’m ready to do. Or…at least try.”
Crowley’s whole body freezes up. He can imagine the demon’s wide eyes behind his sunglasses, especially when he practically squeaks, “With me?”
Aziraphale can’t help smiling at that, taking a bold step forward and, even bolder, touching Crowley’s forearm. “Yes, my dear,” he says fondly, “with you. Only you.”
Trigger Warnings: Snakes (mentioned), forked tongues, fangs, internalized fat-shaming, body image issues, possessive behavior. Let me know if I missed anything!
In which Aziraphale really wants Crowley to punch his V-card and Crowley is definitely DTF…so long as Aziraphale is willing to overlook one little anatomical quirk.
A list of Aziraphale x Crowley Human AUs that I read and enjoyed. Really just wanted to have them all in one place. Most of the WIPs are updated, a few of them I think may be abandoned. General or Teen:
![navajolovesdestiel: occamshipper:bluefirecas:jensenacklesmishacollins: [x] OH PLEASEHis FACE](https://64.media.tumblr.com/e7979f9328ab6b674a117beb35470969/tumblr_n2s7j4Y9QD1qi168lo1_1280.jpg "navajolovesdestiel: occamshipper:bluefirecas:jensenacklesmishacollins: [x] OH PLEASEHis FACE")
![navajolovesdestiel: occamshipper:bluefirecas:jensenacklesmishacollins: [x] OH PLEASEHis FACE](https://64.media.tumblr.com/a2846f7c4c5c78ac096bfd0a19c9b8dc/tumblr_n5pitfNBUv1qi168lo1_500.jpg "navajolovesdestiel: occamshipper:bluefirecas:jensenacklesmishacollins: [x] OH PLEASEHis FACE")
![navajolovesdestiel: occamshipper:bluefirecas:jensenacklesmishacollins: [x] OH PLEASEHis FACE](https://64.media.tumblr.com/e9f383e9b40ceaa62405efdb13fcaeda/tumblr_n67ijbt2q11qi168lo1_500.jpg "navajolovesdestiel: occamshipper:bluefirecas:jensenacklesmishacollins: [x] OH PLEASEHis FACE")
![navajolovesdestiel: occamshipper:bluefirecas:jensenacklesmishacollins: [x] OH PLEASEHis FACE](https://64.media.tumblr.com/21ea26d2f37a3e5e0a724e2197007c59/tumblr_mgj9a39rie1qi168lo1_1280.jpg "navajolovesdestiel: occamshipper:bluefirecas:jensenacklesmishacollins: [x] OH PLEASEHis FACE")
![navajolovesdestiel: occamshipper:bluefirecas:jensenacklesmishacollins: [x] OH PLEASEHis FACE](https://64.media.tumblr.com/a23e0dc2ee6e0c5fcd8913f313f7650a/tumblr_nduok1sPHs1tmmn8go1_1280.jpg "navajolovesdestiel: occamshipper:bluefirecas:jensenacklesmishacollins: [x] OH PLEASEHis FACE")
![navajolovesdestiel: occamshipper:bluefirecas:jensenacklesmishacollins: [x] OH PLEASEHis FACE](https://64.media.tumblr.com/c07f48ae28c8ebf2cb75888c1d48afe1/tumblr_nva6mhGmbc1udbm6wo1_1280.jpg "navajolovesdestiel: occamshipper:bluefirecas:jensenacklesmishacollins: [x] OH PLEASEHis FACE")
![navajolovesdestiel: occamshipper:bluefirecas:jensenacklesmishacollins: [x] OH PLEASEHis FACE](https://64.media.tumblr.com/9bcc5b9a379a34178011169118085c50/tumblr_nva6ntYWNE1udy2tvo1_1280.jpg "navajolovesdestiel: occamshipper:bluefirecas:jensenacklesmishacollins: [x] OH PLEASEHis FACE")
![navajolovesdestiel: occamshipper:bluefirecas:jensenacklesmishacollins: [x] OH PLEASEHis FACE](https://64.media.tumblr.com/16cb52dec53dbad0efab50f0bc43edc0/tumblr_nva6xyXUSr1udrdifo1_1280.jpg "navajolovesdestiel: occamshipper:bluefirecas:jensenacklesmishacollins: [x] OH PLEASEHis FACE")
