In June 2012 I was listening to Fiona Apple’s The Idler Wheel… on heavy repeat while walking aimlessly for hours and smarting over a man. Now, it’s May 2020 and for weeks not only have I been in quarantine, but also I’ve been listening to Fiona Apple’s Fetch the Bolt Cutters on heavy repeat while walking aimlessly for hours smarting over many a man. Time really is a flat circle, huh.
I think this album, rightly universally lauded, is doing what all great pieces of art do: it’s a canvas for us to project all our own individual mishegoss onto. When I hear “Drumset” I am immediately, viscerally, set back into in October 2017, in the throws of a disintegrating relationship: “Why did you take it all away? Why did you not want to try?” Then I hear the exhilarating percussion of “On I go” and think of other songs about resilience in her catalog like “Extraordinary Machine” and “Daredevil.” To me, “Relay” is the evolution of “Periphery”–could there be a more freeing line than “I resent you for presenting your life like a fucking propaganda brochure”? Those normal people on the periphery, acting like everything is fucking fine. (Not me!)
I have probably listened to the entirety of FTBC without skipping about seven or eight times so far. I find it excellent to run to, Apple’s 51 minute combination of percussion and rage forms just the right tempo for a solitary, suburban quarantine run. The song that hit me “where I live” the most has to be “Ladies.” I quit Instagram in 2019, and have been grappling with what it means to live my life making less comparisons to the women in my life (and the women in the lives of the men in my life).
This passage from “Ladies” especially resonates with me:
Nobody can replace anybody else So, it would be a shame to make it a competition And no love is like any other love So, it would be insane to make a comparison with you
When everyone is representing their lives like a “fucking propaganda brochure” it’s so easy to make the quotidian into a competition, to compare ourself to her. But honestly, we don’t know what her truth is. She’s the only other witness we have to the behavior of the man who is our mutual friend–as the lyrics of “Newspaper” say, “We’re the only one who knows… and it makes me feel close to you.” Maybe he’s better to you! Your love is not like our love was, and could not ever be. What is the point in comparison? “Ladies” is the complement to “I want You to Love Me,” a song of a woman who came through the process of grappling with grief and found herself on the other side, clearer:
While I’m in this body I want somebody to want And I want what I want And I want you To love me
So much happens in eight years. Between Idler Wheel andFTBC, I’ve certainly lived a whole lot of life. Fiona has been by my side for the biggest ups and downs since 2006, and like many a Fiona fan, we’d stan regardless, but I do think that FTBC is her most cohesive, self-actualized album yet, and this is an artist who has seen the world for what it is since her infamous proclamation in 1997. FTBC is busting at the seams in the best ways–who needs bolt cutters when you’ve got the sheer power of Fiona Apple’s voice and wit?
While I am in the heart of finals, one relief from the stress has been the wealth of Fiona content to keep me company. I am going to write a longer piece on Fetch the Bolt Cutters once the semester is over, but for now, I wanted to share the following podcasts that have been celebrating the album as well:
[ID: two images of a multicolor ransom letter collage of the lyrics “i would beg to disagree, but begging disagrees with me” from fiona apple’s song “under the table” over a black background/end ID]
Celebrities: John Lennon, Fiona Apple, Kesha, Kurt Cobain, Angela Davis, Kid Cudi, Evan Rachel Wood, Robert Smith
Appearance: hair that looks like it was put in an electrical socket, colorful, unconventional characters, naturally androgynous, weird, unique, asymmetrical alien features, shockingly bright lightning strike eyes, rebellious smirk, teenage angst, jittery electric energy
