#from flowersandstarlight

                      THE AUTUMN NARNIAN GIFT EXCHANGE.

              for: @quecksilvereyesfrom@flowersandstarlight.

moments of joy (1700 words, mainly caspian x edmund, edmund pov, VotDT era)

happy autumn <3

“Quiet day.”

Edmund opened his eyes and glanced over at Eustace, who was leaning against the railing of the ship. The breeze was gently blowing as they headed towards the end of the world. “It is,” he agreed after a moment. “It’s a little disconcerting after all of the louder days we’ve had.”

Eustace just hummed in agreement.

“Do you think we’ll reach the end of the world soon?”

Eustace’s eyes were glued to the horizon, his mind far away, and he didn’t move to answer.

Edmund closed his eyes once more, content in Eustace’s unspoken desire to be silent.

“Ho, boys!” Lucy’s voice came from the other side of the ship, a cheerful whistle in the calm air. “Caspian wants us to gather below, in his cabin. He has made us dinner.”

Edmund sat up slowly, rolling his shoulders as he did. The muscles in his arms and back were tight from hard work, but they loosened as he walked behind his cousin, down into the bottom of the ship, and into Caspian’s cabin.

Caspian’s eyes quickly found his as he shut the door, and Edmund smiled slightly at him. Caspian merely nodded, the hint of a smile playing on his mouth, before turning towards the others. “Hello, friends,” he said, jovial. “I believe we will reach the end of the world tomorrow, so I have prepared us a special feast for tonight.”

“Oh, stars above,” Eustace said, a quick, fervent phrase he had picked up during his travels on the Dawn Treador. He peered at the food before looking up again, his eyes wide. “What is this?”

Edmund almost grimaced when Eustace pointed directly at a familiar sweet that had once cost him so dearly, so long ago.

“Turkish Delight,” he heard Caspian say as he felt himself begin to shut down, or perhaps fall into a nervous fit of some kind—he wasn’t sure. He took two deep breaths.

Lucy turned and gave Edmund a worried look.

Edmund merely shook his head, not wanting her to worry.

They all sat together around the small table in the cabin, the sweet seemingly forgotten by everyone else, and began to eat, recounting their adventures with joy and, for Eustace particularly, with a great deal of embarrassment and shame.

“Come, friend,” Caspian said, laughing over Eustace’s protests, “we were all young and foolish once. You do not have to be ashamed of who you once were.” His eyes cut across the table and into Edmund’s for a moment.

His heart jumped into his throat and he hastily put more stew into his mouth, swallowing it as a metaphorical act of pushing his heart back where it belonged.

“Do you think…” Lucy hesitated.

“Yes?” Caspian asked.

“Do you think we are truly absolved of whatever we have done?”

“Yes,” he said, staunchly, a smile growing on his face. “Yes, I believe that there is hope for any who did anything that was not kind, or respectful, or honoring to someone else.”

“Even major lies?” Eustace asked. “Or betrayals of some kind?”

“Or murder?” Lucy suggested, a gleam of mischief in her eyes as she took a sip of her stew.

“Murder?!” Eustace sputtered, turning towards her. The two immediately began bickering with warmth in their voices and food splattering slightly as Eustace gesticulated.

Edmund smiled as Caspian’s eyes met his.

He didn’t know what they were moving towards, but it was something significant, and that knowledge…. For today, it was enough.

His fingers ached to stretch towards Caspian’s, just for a moment, but he restrained himself. He could wait.

***

Edmund lay flat on his back in his hammock, rocking gently back and forth, straining his eyes to see the wooden ceiling in the dark room he shared with Eustace. “Hey,” he whispered.

There was no response from the other hammock.

Edmund sighed and stood up, adjusting his twisted bedclothes, before walking out of the silent room. He made his way down the short passageway, past Lucy’s cabin, and found himself heading up to the deck of the ship. He walked towards the dragon’s head, stopping short when he saw a figure already perched there.

Caspian turned at Edmund’s quiet footsteps, a guilty look quickly replaced by his wide, infectious smile. “I hoped it was you,” was all he said before turning and facing the sea again.

Edmund carefully picked his way onto the top of the dragon’s head, settling himself close to Caspian so he didn’t fall into the dark, murky waters. “What are you doing up?” he asked.

“I just keep thinking about the end of the world. We’re coming up on it—we’ll probably be there tomorrow.” Caspian’s gaze was wistful as he looked out across the ocean, the moonlight dancing on his high cheekbones.

“And then what will you do?”

He shrugged, knocking his shoulder into Edmund’s briefly. “I suppose I’ll go back to Narnia and really rule. I’ll know what happened to the lords, and I’ll have seen the end of the world, and… it’ll be time for me to really make some significant changes and make sure everyone is okay.”

“I’m sure they will be,” Edmund said, hoping he sounded as sincere as he felt. “And if they aren’t, you’ll figure it out.”

“Are you sure?”

Edmund nodded, knowing Caspian could feel it, even if he couldn’t see, with how closely they were pressed together. “You’re Caspian the tenth,” he said, fumbling for words as he spoke. “And you are kind and good and intelligent. You’re…” He took a deep breath.

Caspian turned and looked at him, his eyes wide, his face vulnerable and open. “Yes?”

“You’re… you’re a good king, and a better man. And…” Edmund huffed out a laugh, turning from Caspian—their faces were too close together for comfort—and staring out at the sea. “And you terrify me, if I’m honest.”

“Why is that?”

Caspian was still turned towards him, and Edmund was afraid that his neck and face might be turning a pinkish hue. He said a quick prayer that the moonlight would obscure his blush. “You’re so… You’re a natural at everything you do, and you still try, and you’re beautiful, and overwhelmingly good, and…” He stopped, realizing what he said and biting his lip, hard.

“You think I’m beautiful?” Caspian’s tone was clearly teasing as Edmund fervently avoided his face.

“And terrifying,” he muttered.

“And beautiful.”

“Shut up.”

They were silent for a moment.

Edmund couldn’t stop a small smile from his face.

“What are you smiling about?” Caspian asked. His voice was low, fond.

“Just thinking about how terrifying you are,” Edmund said, hoping he came off as flippant.

Caspian threw an arm across his shoulders and pulled him tight for a moment before releasing him. “I hope you aren’t actually terrified of me,” he said quietly.

Edmund turned and looked him full in the face. “Oh, I am,” he said, just as quiet, hoping Caspian could hear how genuine he was being. “I am terrified of you. You are… magnificent.”

“I thought that was Peter.”

Edmund wrinkled his nose. “Please don’t bring up my brother when we’re talking like this.”

Caspian laughed.

“But. I’m glad I know you.”

“I’m glad you care.”

Edmund felt the urge to tear his eyes away, but something about the way Caspian was looking at him… He blinked once, twice, slowly, before looking away, down, towards their legs stretched out on the dragon’s head.

“Do you think you’re going to leave tomorrow?”

“It seems likely. The quest is over.” Edmund sighed.

Caspian nodded slowly before swinging his legs around and standing on the deck of the ship. “I’ll be right back,” he said, before disappearing down the stairs into the bowels of the ship.

Edmund sat, quiet, watching the waves, trying to keep his mind clear. Caspian and he were… whatever they were, and they both knew it, and no matter what happened at the end of the world, there wasn’t—

“Ah, you’re thinking very hard, I can see.” Caspian dropped down beside him again.

Edmund smiled.

“I brought ale.” He lifted a cup and handed it over.

“Oh.” Edmund took it gingerly. “Whatever for?”

“A toast.” Caspian smiled. “To friends, to family, to loved ones. To moments of joy. I hope we seize them whenever we can.”

Edmund lifted his cup, tapping it against Caspian’s gently. “To moments of joy.”

They both took a drink, eyes meeting as they did.

Edmund smiled.

***

“Well. I suppose we’re leaving.”

Caspian looked at Edmund, a smile on his face but sorrow in his dark eyes, and nodded. “I suppose you are.”

Edmund took in a deep breath. “Thank you,” he said quietly.

Caspian’s eyes quickly went to the others, who were a good twenty yards away, before coming back to Edmund’s. “For what?”

“For the moments of joy.” Edmund nodded. “I found a lot of them with you.”

“Edmund.” Caspian smiled sadly. “You’ll be back at some point.”

“No, I won’t. You heard Aslan.”

“But I believe…” Caspian lifted his hand and gingerly placed it on Edmund’s chest, right above where his heart would be. “I believe that I will see you again. Maybe not in this lifetime, but in the next.”

Edmund put his hand over Caspian’s quickly, for one heartbeat, for two, and then let go. “I have loved spending time with you.”

“And I, you.”

Edmund looked over his shoulder at his sister and cousin. “Well. It is time to go.”

“Thank you as well,” Caspian said as Edmund began to walk away.

“For what?”

“The moments of joy!” he called out.

Lucy turned and beamed. “Thank you, Caspian!” She waved eagerly.

Edmund smiled as Caspian ran over to give Lucy and Eustace both hugs. “Farewell, my friends,” he said, his smile wide.

Lucy squeezed him back and Eustace’s arms came up to encircle both of them after a moment of hesitation.

“Ed, join us!” Lucy demanded.

Edmund laughed and, trotting over, wrapped his arms around all of them.

This was a moment of joy he could capture and hold onto forever.

And, who knew? Perhaps he would see Caspian—and Narnia—again. But for now, he could hold on to this moment, and that was enough.