#get dunked on

For just $10 and access to free food and some of the decorations, I will be the Worst Man at your or someone else’s wedding, which means that I will sabotage this beautiful event to any extent that you or I see fit.
You want someone to arrive in a beautiful white dress with a lush yet diaphanous cape that trails the floor like new mountain snow? I got you.

You need someone to weep openly onto the mother of at least one spouse-to-be, saying I’ve loved her since freshman year of high school in 1982 (a time when I could not be realistically expected to have been alive), and that I’m back, I’m finally ready to love and be loved by her, and I still want to move to Maine with her and open up that cute little coffee shop we’d always dreamed of? No one better for it.

You want me to rock up to your reception, periodically sweep food and decorations into a big duffel bag that I will refuse to put down if asked, persuade the DJ to let me put on my Personal Party Mix (ask me about that later) in honor of my dearest friends’ wedding, fight up to three ($5 per person beyond that) people of your choosing as long as they deserve it, go around telling stories that really put a damper on the mood here while maintaining steely eye contact with the recipients thereof, steal as many attendees’ ties as I can when they’re caught off-guard, give a long, increasingly ambient-horror-laden speech that may never have been about the newlyweds in the first place, offer to cut the wedding cake and if I am allowed to do so give everyone a very thin slice that somehow contains every tier of cake, bring an altogether egregious amount of my own flowers and pummel someone with them (will be an extra $2), and methodically turn off every lighting fixture throughout the night? That’s what I’m here for!

The one caveat is I will not physically endanger anyone without good reason or inconvenience those in the wedding service industry, because I am your Worst Man but I am a good man at heart.

khalicooker:

reblog to hit the person u rebloged from with a water balooon

hustlerose:

so, to sum up the last couple weeks:

• the NFT fad ended and several tokens that were supposed to be worth millions were sold for peanuts
• terra luna tanked and dragged terra’s stablecoin off its peg. terra was the 3rd largest stablecoin at the time
  
• meanwhile, people are starting to face legal consequences for stuff like fraudandmoney laundering
  
• terra freezes their blockchain to prevent a run on the bankstablecoin
  
• tether and dei also lose their pegs and tank
  
• a court is forcing tether to reveal its reserve records to the public, which will definitely show that they’re backed by significantly less money than they claim
• etherium and bitcoin both crash hard at the same time
  
• tether’s market cap has dropped by several billion in the past few days, which might mean that some of the people at the top of the pyramid scheme are cashing out in dollars. just scooping up handfuls of money from tether’s reserves and running for the hills

crypto is fucking dying lol

GET DUNKED ON SWAP TRASH

Rus: asshole