Christopher Lee and the Humour of Dracula

Though Hammer’s Dracula series may not quitebe my favourite Dracula films, I think Christopher Lee still ranks as my favourite actual Dracula(andas I may have mentioned before, this is a crowded field).

There are, IMO, three key components to what makes his particular take on the character work.

You’ve got your menacingDracula:

YoursexyDracula:

And your oh shit this did not go as planned Dracula:

That last one being the aspect I feel doesn’t really get enough appreciation.

I don’t know how many of the faces Lee pulls are unintentionally hilarious, or just intentionallyhilarious, but they’re amazing either way.

Dracula dies a different way in all 7 of Lee’s Hammer films. Marathon the Hammer Draculas, and you’re going to watch the poor guy make these faces a lot. By the time I’d finished the series, I’d seen him die so many times I’d started kind of rooting for him as the underdog.

None of this is to take away from how genuinely menacing (or sexy) this take on Dracula can be ‒ which might be a little surprising, given this is an interpretation devoid of so much of what made Stoker’s original so threatening to begin with. For all the noise the Hammer’s scripts make about Dracula as “the greatest evil that ever lived,” this is a rare version with no interest in invading England, whose worst acts are inspired by nothing more machiavellian than hunger or revenge. We assumehe’s out there in the countryside eating people on the regular, but it’s surprising how little of that we see. This is a rare take where you could make the case Dracula may genuinely have invited Jonathan to his castle for no reason more nefarious than wanting someone to reorganise his library.

I bring all this up not to convince you that Lee’s Dracula is secretly misunderstood(though, you know, by all means write me that fanfic) ‒ this guy is still seriously bad news‒ but it isjust a little embarrassing how many of his actual kills happen only as retaliation, usually after some bastard tried to kill him first(seeDracula Has Risen From The Grave especially) and fucked it up. 

He also hardly speaks. So little, in fact, that the supercut of every word he says across his 7 Hammer Dracula films is barely 9 minutes long (and about 3:30 of that is from the last just the last third of The Satanic Rites of Dracula, being the one and only film in which he actually shows some ambition).

Nor does he spend much time even trying to pass for human ‒ a crying shame, IMO, considering how wellLee plays the few later scenes where he gets the chance (see also: why Scars of Dracula is honestly one of my favourite entries, for all its many flaws). A Dracula who can lull you into a false sense of security has a whole other kind of menace.

The point here is that Lee’s really not given that much to work with. Bloodshot eyes, pointed fangs and cherry-red Kensington gore will only get you so far. Add in the fact that he has to put up with the indignity of looking verysilly and being killed in some gloriously ridiculous ways, and keeping the menace going must be something of a job.

But for what he’s given, somehow Lee still pulls it all off.

Not many people could do that. Not many Draculascould do that.

Ultimately, Lee’s Dracula is more wild animal than evil, more of a presencethan a character. But short of maybe Nosferatu, I’m not sure I could name a more effectively menacing Dracula.

Nor do I think I could name a sexierone.

Obviously, this is the very specific kind of “sexy” built entirely on (many) lovingly-shot vampire-hypnosis scenes, but Hammer really went in hardon the seductive-Dracula angle. This is by no means the first time Dracula had sex appeal ‒ Bela Lugosi had a ratherintensefemale fanbase going all the way back to when he was only doing Dracula on the stage ‒ but now menwere noticing it, and academics were writing about it, and that made it official. For all Christopher Lee may protest that he wasn’t trying to become a sex symbol, that he just “did what was in the script,” he still did that really very effectively. (So did the actress who played Mina, who was famously directed to play her following scene “like the morning after the best sex of your life.”)

The major Dracula films of the 20th century form one heck of a sexy-Dracula trend. Before Hammer, the 1931 film couldn’t more than hint at any fangs going into any necks. After Hammer, by 1979, Dracula’s seduction of Mina had become the core of the film. By 1992, Dracula had become the hero of a romantic tragedy.

But as Dracula became increasingly more of a romantic figure in those later films, he lost something of the core of the original sexy-vampire-fantasythat had all those women swooning at Bela Lugosi ‒of meeting something so irresistibly alluring that one, long look into its eyes could have you willingly taking off the crucifix that was meant to protect you, and baring your throat to the beast.

I don’t think any Dracula has committed to that better than Christopher Lee. Whether he meant to or not.

Mind you, being Hammer’s Dracula, you’re also going to have to put up with then being suddenly interrupted, and having to stop, panic, and leave the building in a hurry.

Or getting caught in the act of trying to hide down a trapdoor, then looking urgently back and forth with a panicked expression, before giving up and just chucking the nearest candlestick at Van Helsing. 

Orthat great moment where he’s finally wrestled Van Helsing to the floor and leeeeansin to bite him… with this one stray lock of hair in the middle of his forehead sticking up like the start of an impromptu mohawk.

Which brings us all the way back around again to the joy of watching poor Dracula have a very bad day.

Hammer’s take on the character alwayshad its campier side, and was that much more fun for them. Even Stoker’s original novel had its moments, where Dracula twicepauses to make a grand, self-important speech right before turning tail and fleeing. Dracula may be evil, he may be sexy, but he’s a difficult character to play completely straight. And I don’t think even Christopher Lee ever really tried. Dude had some real comedy chops I don’t think he gets enough credit for.

We’ll end this ‒ much like the films ‒ on the glorious spectacle of Christopher Lee meeting his untimely end by making the fatal error of walking into a bush.

Classic.

Count Dracula: Wedding Date

Chapter 2:

It all happened so quickly. One minute you were on deck proudly introducing him to your friends and the next you were in bed with him. Not that you had much of a choice. Booking two separate rooms for you and your supposed “boyfriend” would seem odd, so reluctantly you booked one room instead. Unfortunately for you, there was only one bed and not a very big one.

As you lay on your back staring up at the ceiling, you thought about the man beside you. Most of your friends were practically drooling over him, which made you feel slightly jealous. Why you did not know. You barely knew him. You let out a sigh and looked over at him, recalling the events earlier that night.

-———————————————————————

“Let me get one thing straight,” You began,shutting the door behind you and locking it. “No sex. If we kiss, it’s just for show.”

He nodded his head. “Understood.”

“Good.” You sighed, grateful to get that out of the way.

“However, should you change your mind I do charge extra.” He added as he took off jacket and tossed it on the bed, along with his tie.

Nervously you chuckled, “I doubt I will.”

He raised a brow and smirked as he began unbuttoning his shirt revealing his bare chest beneath. Quickly you diverted your eyes trying your best to suppress a blush forming on your cheeks. Even if you did want to, which you didn’t, you probably couldn’t afford it. You had already spent enough as it was.

“I’m going to go take a bath.” You told him, grabbing your bag and disappearing into the bathroom eager to get away from him.

As you sat there peacefully enjoying the warmth of the water and sweet aroma of the soap in your bath, you began to drift off.

There the Count stood, his shirt half open billowing in the soft breeze. “Come.” He said, ushering you towards him. It was as though you were in a trance as you approached him, your arms outstretched reaching out to him. Carefully, he pulled you into his arms. “Count…” You sighed as you stared into each other’s eyes for a moment, your lips growing ever so closer together and then…

“Y/N?” A voice suddenly called from beside you. Slowly you opened your eyes and looked over to see Dracula standing in the doorway. “Count!” You gasped, quickly lowering yourself underneath the bubbles to hide your nakedness.

“I’m sorry, I thought I heard you call me.” He apologized, turning around to give you some privacy. He was a gentleman after all.

“I did not!” You told him. How could you say his name if you were asleep…oh. You bit your lip remembering the dream you were having only a few moments ago.

“My mistake, forgive me.” He apologized, excusing himself. He went to leave, but you called him back and in a calmer voice you said, “While you’re here, could you hand me that towel please, Count?”

“Call me Vlad, please. I am supposed to be your boyfriend after all.” He told you as he turned and grabbed a towel from the rack.

For a moment your fingers gently grazed over his as he handed you a towel. Your heart skipped a beat at the sudden, yet brief touch. “Thanks…Vlad.”

He hadn’t expected his name to sound so pleasant upon your lips. He found himself longing to hear you say it again. He shook his head, trying to push such thoughts from his mind. This wasn’t what he was here for…

When you emerged from the bathroom a little while later, you found the room empty. “Vlad?” You called out, your eyes scanning the room. There was no answer, instead you found a note on your bedside table. On it it read:

The night was calling me. Went out for a stroll. Be back soon.

Vlad

With a shrug you placed it back on the table and lay on the bed, padding up the pillow as you went. You lay there for a little while trying your best to sleep. Normally, you would have no problem sleeping. The room was quiet, and the bed was comfortable. Yet you found yourself tossing and turning for what seemed like ages. With a sigh, you got up and quickly got dressed. Perhaps the night was calling you too. Or maybe it was Dracula….

The hour was late as Dracula roamed about the ship, his mind set on doing one thing and one thing only, kill Lana Van Helsing. It was lucky for him that you needed an escort or things would be been far more complicated.

Finally, he found her. There she was sitting by the pool reading a book and looking very alone. He grinned, his eyes flashing red. Perfect, he thought. Everything was going according to plan.

As he turned the corner, he suddenly collided with something or rather someone knocking him off his feet.

“Y/N?” Dracula asked looking down at you.

“Hi!” You said giving him a little awkward wave and smile.

“What are you doing here?” He asked. He thought you would have been asleep by now.

“I saw your note and thought that a walk was a good idea.” You explained. Instantly he regretted leaving that note, but it would have been rude to leave and not tell you.

You stared into each other’s eyes as you did in your dream. His eyes were deep and intense, like two dark abysses that you could stare into forever. You had almost forgotten what a compromising position you were in with him on top of you. Everything seemed to disappear. It was then that you had the overwhelming urge to kiss him. Not that he would have stopped you. In fact, he was thinking of doing the same.

“Um…Vlad?”

“Yes

“Can we get up now?” You asked.

“Oh! Of course!” He said, getting up. Quickly he glanced back over at the pool and much to his dismay he saw that Lana had disappeared. You had distracted him so much and now he lost possibly his only chance at revenge. You were going to be more a hinderance than he thought.

Like a gentleman, he helped you to your feet. “Are you alright?” He asked, trying not to sound disappointed. “Yes, I think so.” You answered, dusting yourself off.

“Good.” He said with a smile. Something seemed off. You noticed. Though you couldn’t quite put your finger on what it was.

“I guess I’ll just go back to our room now.” You said, turning to leave, not wanting to bother him.

“Would you care to join me?” He asked, holding his hand out. “You don’t mind?” He shook his head. For some reason he found it hard to be mad at you, even though he wanted to. He shook his head no, extending his arm out further hoping you would accept.

“Sure.” You said, taking his hand. It was soft, completely encompassing your own.

“It is a lovely night.” You pointed out as you walked and hand around the ship, enjoying the peace and quiet as guests disappeared into their rooms for the night.

“I like the night.” You told him, stopping for a moment to look out over the ocean.

Why?” He asked, curiously.

“It’s quiet.” You answered.

“Everyone is in such a rush these days. Just going and going, not caring about anybody. At night it all slows down.” You explain.

He paused. He never thought of it that way. “But it’s so dark and lonely.” Dracula added.

“Perhaps, but I can feel just as lonely in a crowd of people.” You responded. He nodded his head in agreement knowing what you meant. He had felt that way too long ago.

“Sorry. I’m a horrible conversationalist.” You apologized.

“I don’t think you are.” He told you honestly. You gave him a small smile as you resumed walking. Before you knew it, you found yourselves back at your cabin.

“If it makes you feel uncomfortable I can sleep in the chair?” He asked once inside. “No, we’re both adults. I think I can manage if you can.” Little did you know, you’d find yourself regretting saying that because all you could think of as you lay there beside him was him.

“Vlad?”

“Yes?” He mumbled, turning to face you.

“What about a kiss?” You asked curiously. He stared at you confused for a moment. “I mean, if I..I just wanted to kiss you but not for show.” You quickly explained. “Do you charge for that too?”

His lips curled into an amused smile. “First one’s free.” He joked. Honestly, he hadn’t intended on charging you for anything, kisses or otherwise. “Why? Do you want to kiss me?”

“No, no, no! Just curious. Good night!” You gulped, turning around, and pulling the covers over your head. This was going to be a long trip…