Steve is nervous. Nervous, and excited - because he and Billy are going on their second date and his stomach is full of butterflies.
He hasn’t really had the time to stop and think about Billy since their first date. He’d asked Billy out because Billy seemed so sure he wouldn’t, and he wanted to go out with Billy, wanted to take him to dinner and a movie and then kiss him after, the way he might have done with Nancy or anyone else. He’d been nervous then too, but he’d been prepared. He booked a table at the restaurant and called the movie theater to find out which movies were playing.
Then he’d been fucking kidnapped, and all thoughts of romance had been driven right out of his head.
The days that follow the attack on Steve are strange ones for Billy. All he wants to do is to spend time with Steve, which is pretty much how he was already feeling except that now there’s the added stress of being worried about him like a goddamn mother hen. He’s pretty sure that if it was up to Steve, that’s exactly what they’d be doing - but the Party, it seems, has other ideas.
Steve sleeps for thirteen hours straight that night, waking only briefly when Billy nudges him up the stairs to bed and then not moving until six the following morning. Billy spends the evening lying on Steve’s bed beside him, flipping through a couple of books he found in the lounge without really being able to concentrate on them. He has the odd feeling that time is slipping away from him, that these quiet moments with Steve are somehow precious, and as lame and ridiculous as that probably is, he can’t seem to stop glancing over at Steve every couple of minutes, checking his breathing or touching his face.
(This is my Harringrove for Ukraine piece for @callieb, though it’s not actually Harringrove. It’s a post s3 Billy centric, angst hurt comfort ficlet….so I may have to write up something else now that I really think about it….yeah, I’ll write up something better)
Billy doesn’t know how much time has passed since he went up against the monster that stole his body, but he does know one thing.
He’s definitely dying.
It hurts…and sucks ass, but it is what it is.
He supposes it’s fine. At least he stood up to it in the end. He broke free from the control. He helped that girl.
The one, the only one who sawhim.The him inside the monster.
So he at least did somethingworthwhile in his sad pathetic life.
Right?
He protected her.
She’s alive. She will be able to see her friends and family again…
And Billy…
Well, it doesn’t matter because he’s alone.
So, no one is going to mourn him. No one is going to cry over Billy Hargrove.
So, it’s fine.
He can let go.
Nothing is tying him to this miserable plane of existence.
His moms already gone…so there’s nothing…
Nothing and no one.
“Billy?”
No one gives a shit about him…..
“Billy!”
Right?
“Wake up, Billy!”
So….why is someone calling his name?
“Billy,please. Open your eyes!"
Someone is holding his hand, putting pressure on his chest…
"Not like this! You can’t give up like this! Please!!"
Who is it? Who is pleading so desperately? Don’t they know he’s worthless? Don’t they know what a horrible person he is? All the shitty things he’s done? He was stupid enough to get possessed for fucks sake! and anyways, don’t they know even if he was a good person… that it’s too late? He’s got too many holes in his guts. He can feel his life force slipping away with the blood pooling beneath his cooling body.
It’s over.
He’s finished.
The sobs are quiet in his ear. "Don’t go.”
There’s nothing left for him here…
“Please don’t leave me.” The voice breaks as they softly add, “Don’t leave me with Neil."
And with sudden and frightening clarity, Billy knows the owner of this sad miserable voice. He knows it and he knows how wrong he’s been…knows the voice is right. He can’t die like this. He can’t leave….he does have a reason to stay…
If he dies….his dad might…
He can’t let him hurt…
"Ma..Max.” He is barely hanging onto this world but he speaks her name with a mouth full of slick black sludge. He can’t get his eyes to open or his limbs to move but he can still force himself to speak. “Don’t cry."
"Billy? Oh, my god, hang on! Help! Someone help me!"
Now he’s aware of multiple pairs of hands touching him, pressing down on his abdomen, on his chest. Someone is pulling back his eyelid and shining a light. Many people are talking, yelling over one another.
But Billy doesn’t care about them.
He just wants Max to know- "It’s OK. Max…I won't….I won’t leave you with him."
Her voice is farther away when she calls out to him, "They’re going to help you. So just hang on a little longer. You hear me? Hang on!"
He has no strength left to answer her but he manages to crack one eye open and sees her dirty face, bloodshot eyes and tear soaked cheeks.
He wants to tell her sorry again. Tell her not to cry. But he can't…he can’t even keep his stupid eye open. He’s just so….
Everything goes black.
…Tired.
The next time he opens his eyes, it’s light outside. He’s lying on a bed and not the nasty concrete floor of the mall so he must be in the hospital. He tries to sit up but every nerve ending in his body lights up like a christmas tree.
Fuck. He’s bananged up real fucking good and there’s an IV in his arm, though by the amount of pain he’s in, it must be out of the good stuff.
He groans and glimpses the movement of red hair next to him.
He’s a little surprised that she is actually here. "Shit…Max?”
She looks up, eyes still as red as they were the last time he’d seen them. “Billy!” She moves, he thinks, to hug him, but stops herself short. Instead she awkwardly sits back down. “You’ve been asleep for three days.” She says quietly. “I didn’t think you were going to make it.”
He sighs, which causes his ribs to ache. “You and me both, shitbird."
"I’ll go get the doctor.” She stands to leave but Billy pushes through the pain to grab her wrist, stopping her from going.
“They can wait. I’m not going anywhere."
Max looks confused but nods and sits back down. "OK."
They are both quiet for a moment, neither really knowing what to say.
The thing is, Billy has a fuck ton of shit to say. So much to apologize for. So much to atone for.
"Max?"
"Yeah?”
He might as well start with…"I’m sorry.“
She looks taken aback. "For what?"
"For being such a dick to you.” He replies, eyes trying to meet hers but failing miserably. “For…hurting you…for everything really…"
She’s staring blankly at him. Like she’s waiting for him to say haha! Just kidding. "Ummm. Thanks…I guess."
"I’m serious, ” he insists. He needs her to know he’s being sincere. “I’ve been an asshole. And I took a lot of shit out on you and blamed you, and that wasn’t fair. I’ve been a shitty brother."
"Billy…I get it OK? I…I won’t say that it’s fine because you’re right, you’ve been a dickhead, but like…I understand why….” She looks down at the floor. “I know why you’re so angry all the time…and scared."
He feels a bit nauseous and finally remembers what it was that kept him from death’s door.
"My dad…” He pauses, doesn’t know how exactly to go about this. “He hasn't…he hasn’t hurt you has he?"
Finally her eyes snap to meet his and they are wide with emotion. "What?"
"When I was dying….you said….you told me not to leave you with him."
Her cheeks flush a little. "You heard that?"
"Yeah…I heard it….so I need to know if he hurt you.”
She shakes her head but he can tell there’s still something wrong.
“Max…please. How can I protect you if I don’t know what’s going on?"
She hides her face from his view but she finally answers. "It was just once but…he’s been saying a lot of things so…."
"It won’t happen again.” He promises. And for the first time ever, he can feel the confidence behind his words. He just fought of a fucking demon…as scary as his dad has been in the past, Neil Hargrove is nothingcompared to that.
“But-”
“I faced off against a monster that possessed me, and yeah it about put me six feet under,” he says, motioning to his blood stained bandages, “but I survived. And I swear to god, Max, I’m never going to let my dad hurt me…or you…ever again."
She doesn’t respond for a second but suddenly she leans over and hugs him. "Thanks for surviving, Billy."
It hurts like a bitch, but he finds himself hugging her back. "No,” He replies, blinking back a wayward tear. “Thank you for wanting me to."
Argh this was PERFECT, the perfect blend of angst and happy ending! I LOVE the sibling bonding, I love love love Billy coming back to protect Max, this was absolutely excellent and I loved it! Thank you so much for writing it for me!
Steve decides that lying on his couch with Billy Hargrove’s arm curled around his shoulders and his face mashed into Billy’s chest is actually his new favorite place to be.
Yeah, he’s crying, and that’s somewhat embarrassing - but after the twenty-four hours he’s had, he feels like he’s entitled. He held it together the whole time the rest of the Party were there, telling them everything that had happened to him with barely a waver - but the moment Billy told him they were alone, it was like he couldn’t keep it in anymore. He just broke.
Billy didn’t hesitate for so much as a second. He lunged for Steve, sliding into the small gap between Steve and the couch cushions and just wrapping him up in a tight hug.Steve has spent the last few hours achingto touch Billy, to be touched, to be held - and now he is, and it feels like he can finally breathe.
Billy doesn’t sleep until his official watch is over. He’s just too wired, all his senses in overdrive, and he can’t get his mind to calm down enough to even close his eyes. He sits on top of the elevator until Robin clambers up to tell him that it’s his turn, and then he follows her back through the hatch and over the haphazardly stacked boxes to a bare spot on the floor for his watch.
Everyone else is asleep. Erica is sprawled out on the floor with Robin’s handkerchief across her face, and Billy feels his chest clenching just a little when he looks at her. She looks so relaxed, so open, like she’s got nothing to fear - and suddenly he just wantsthat for her, wants her to keep that headstrong confidence that she only has because she’s never had to be afraid. He watches her chest rising and falling for a few minutes, matching his own breaths to hers. It helps him to feel calm.Dustin is snoring quietly in a corner, and Steve is sitting up against the wall with his head tipped back and his mouth open. After their strange, delightful conversation - and it wasdelightful, as much as it’s embarrassing to admit it - he’d stayed up on top of the elevator with Billy for another quarter of an hour or so. They hadn’t spoken much, but it had felt like the beginnings of a truce between them. He gave Billy a crooked smile when he finally got up to climb through the hatch to try and get some sleep.
Consciousness returned to him slowly, with no discernable moment between being asleep and awake. Steve heard himself making a soft groaning sound under his breath without quite being able to stop it. The back of his head was pounding, a rhythmic headache that swept right through to his temples. He tried to move - and realized that he couldn’t.
“Are you awake?”
That was the first thing she said to him. In spite of the slowly dawning fear and horror creeping over him, Steve took a moment to mentally roll his eyes. It seemed like a stupid question.
He didn’t bother to attempt to answer. He discovered that his wrists and ankles were bound - the former behind his back, and the latter to the legs of what felt like a hard and uncomfortable chair. He tugged sharply at his bindings, but they didn’t give.
There was something covering his face - a large piece of dark, itchy fabric. Steve shook his head from side to side. It didn’t move, and the realization was enough to make panic rise up inside him. Not being able to see - not knowing where he was or what was happening - Steve was afraid.
I love the idea of Steve somehow getting de-aged and like. Dustin’s hype to get to be the Big Brother for once, and then kind of devastated when little Steve just wants to follow Billy around the whole time.
I have wanted to print copies of falling for you in hawkins, indi-fucking-ana a long, long time before I finished part three and thanks to @ihni I finally did it! And it’s such an amazing feeling to have them on my shelf!
I may be taking a bit of a break from writing part four (until after s4 airs), but this series will always mean the world to me. I put so much love into it and to finally have all three of the first parts printed out - I cannot stop flailing adsjfhsdfgd!!
“Hey, dingus! Quit your flirting and get back to work!”
“Aye aye captain!”
Mall AU where the hot guy from the record store comes in on almost every break to bother Steve. After months of mutual pining they finally start dating (and robin can’t decide what’s worse)
