allogrim:

Accidental Warlord AU, but make it Jaskier…

Jaskier: oops I had too much fun writing mean songs about this shitty king and accidentally made some good points about his incompetent rulership, now i’m on the run from the royal guard. oops, the citizens were kind to me even though i got their shit wrecked by the royal guard, now i’m emotionally invested in their plight. oops we did a revolution. oops none of my citizen friends have any experience in government and international politics is a cesspit full of sharks, guess I’m their dad the lawfully elected king now…

Oops, we put one of my bard friends in charge of PR and they spread a bunch of exaggerated rumors about our new government, now all the neighboring kingdoms think i’m a frightening and brutal warlord. oops that’s probably the only thing protecting us from getting unanimously razed to the ground by the other rulers for spreading dangerous political ideas like regicide and democracy, so fuck it, let’s lean into it.

Oops, they’re sending us tribute, now. oops, the Witcher council apparently exists in this universe and is sending tribute also? oops, its a Witcher to fight in my army and train my soldiers, neither of which I actually have, so…Witcher bodyguard?

I have fallen in love with my Witcher bodyguard.

Geralt:…what the fuck kind of warlord is this?

(and then they kiss, obviously)

i love the idea that Jaskier thinks everyone is exaggerating his ruthlessness and warlord personality - because he is a peach to be around, thank you very much

but at the same time, this is the same bard that doesn’t hesitate to stab the counselors he doesn’t agree with, is an absolute snake in politics, and has killed people with his bare hands to protect his precious lute