Reflection of Her

A good amount of hurt/comfort (which comes later ), all in all pretty wholesome (in my standard of things) and based on an idea that I thought of just the other day (though I’m sure it’s not original)

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Satan had a mission, more so a mystery that had been bugging him for the past few weeks when he noticed his brothers’ odd behavior. Well odder than usual with the way they would often just stare at him and despite his self-assurance, he couldn’t stop the insecurities that would bloom and linger in his thoughts. The newest one was his hair, taking him months of persistence and will to grow out up to his shoulders, an inspiration from the princes in his picture books that Mammy would read to him before bedtime. He liked it and had hoped his siblings would too, only to be proven wrong as it triggered them to whisper amongst themselves and struggle to hide visible tears in their eyes.

’Just like her.’

’Just like she used to.’

‘He’s just like Lilith.’

He pressed the crayon to his cheek, he had reached over picking up the toy kitten from the table (he dubbed 'Watson’ for this mission and therefore making him the knowledgeable Sherlock Holmes) into his lap and looked over his lists of questions he would need answers to from his brothers. Messy in theory, young Satan was still satisfied as he was able to read the incoherent scribbling and walked over to Mammy who was sitting on the couch in front of him with a confused expression on his face. “Umm..whatcha writing over there, Satan?”

The child huffed, subtle frustration beginning to well but dissipates quickly when Mammy picks him up and settles him on his lap. “Mammy who’s Lilith?” Satan asked, noting how his brother stiffens and hesitates as he always does with many of the questions he asks and clearly this wasn’t an exception. He waits patiently for an answer, feeling the grip around him tighten as he turns to take a proper look at Mammon. Blue eyes looking around the room never settling and mouthing 'no’ repeatedly, guilt pools in his gut as his question had brought his brother to a bad place and hating the horrified expression on his face. Satan tugs harshly on Mammon’s shirt, “Nevermind! Come play with me, Mammy? Please?” He watches Mammon blink, returning to the present and nodding slowly, registering his request. “Sure, kiddo. What do ya wanna play?”

Satan hugs Watson close to his chest, hoping not to have a repeat of what happened to Mammon as he approached Asmo’s room and knocked loudly. He hears a muffled 'go away and tries his best not to let it bother him, when he figures out who Lilith is, maybe he could get his brothers to start liking him again. He asked the question, having the same curiosity but now with some hesitation as he blanches from hearing the sound of glass breaking inside the room. “Go away!” There was a shrill to his voice, purely demonic as his footsteps now boomed like thunder with each step approaching the door, and this time Satan decides to listen, trembling as he runs down the hall, not wanting to find out what happens if he stays.

With Levi, he gets the same but less scary result. His knock is answered with a dull, “Password.” and Satan despite trying every guess that he could remember, still couldn’t get it. He rubs away frustrated tears with his fist, his guesses going unanswered as the volume of the game was raised to drown out his voice but still tried not to take offense to it. Though his anger welled, reaching level by level that was becoming harder to suppress, he would have to get an answer soon…right?

The twins were always different but never gave Satan a reason to stay away from them, when Mammy wasn’t there Belphie helped him nap peacefully and Beel would sneak him sweets before dinner time. Using the ribbon tied around Watson’s neck, he twists up his hair, a few blonde strands poking out but he just shrugged it off. If anything Belphie could braid his hair for him and Beel would be sure to have snacks on him, feeling better already he skips over to their room and knocks on the door.

“Beel? Belphie?” The room was dimly lit, hearing Belphie’s soft snores as he tips toes inside. “Ah, Satan. Would you like a snack-” Beelzbub’s voice gets stuck in his throat and before the youngest could respond he’s scooped up and engulfed in a tight hug. “Lilith, oh Lilith I’m so sorry..I should have..I should have tried to save you too..” Beel is wailing apology after apology, his grief just adding more confusion and anger as Satan can only hear his ears ringing. Belphie now awake sensing his twin’s pain as he places a hand on his shoulder, “Beel..” Just the sound of his name breaks him out of the spell, dropping Satan who stumbles back and strikes Belphie’s hand away as he tries to reach for him.

“I’M NOT HER! I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHO SHE IS!”

The truth is loud and the statement echoes deep into the halls, follow by hiccups and sobs as he rushes out of the twins’ room and pushes past Mammon, leaving Watson behind. He stomps into his room, peaking at his face which was flushed from anger. His books are scattered around and all the built-up anger finally explodes, he rips and tears through all of his books even his favorites. Cutting the princes out from pictures so he can rip it himself, ashamed that he thought that he could be anything like the princes in the stories. The ones that were kind and brought peace to their kingdoms were not like him, he only brings his family pain and misery. He was a curse, a burden and it all started when he grew out his…hair.

Realization hit him, he was quick to rush out of his room, ignoring the loud whispers from the living room, and began to sneak into Lucifer’s room. His vision was blurry from tears but his eyes finally landed on the cup on the desk, the scissors gleaming almost tempting him and Satan really needed no more convincing. He climbed the chair, reaching and grabbing them carefully as not to push anything else around and reveal his presence. He begins snipping and cutting any which way but the relief is there, his wrath replaced with sadness and embedded with the hope that things would return to normal.

“Satan”

He flinches, dropping the scissors and looking up to see Lucifer at the doorway, clearly shocked with what he had done. Shame overwhelming him and he finds himself unable to stop wailing, putting up a poor attempt at resistance as the eldest pulls him in and gently begins to rock him to calm him down. It works aided with the music, Lucifer put on to ease the silence, his sobbing ceasing as he catches his breath. He offers no explanation and Lucifer doesn’t ask for one, instead of racking his fingers through the messy chopped strands, “Would you like me to cut it for you, Satan?” Wordlessly the child nods, his eyes betraying his true emotions as he wriggles out of the hug and settles into the chair in front of him.

“Short?”

“Short.”

He expects to see some kind of disappointment, maybe even sadness but the eldest remains stoic as ever, humming along to the melody and it unintentionally lulls an exhausted Satan to sleep.

He is rocked awake, the record long gone as he looks up at Lucifer who smiles at him, “What do you think?” He’s turned to the mirror, his first instinct telling him to shut his eyes but he does catch a glimpse. A gasp and a giggle follow as he hops out of the chair to take a closer look and runs his own fingers through the layers. He genuinely looked like him,a dimfeelingof pride swelling in his chest. Satan is ready to rush out, excited to show his brothers but stops reaching up as Lucifer bends down to his height. “Thank you!” He beams, giving a tight but quick hug around his neck, and runs out, leaving a flustered Lucifer behind him.

It becomes a routine between the two of them, even a week afterward Satan walks into Lucifer’s room asking for a haircut, and the older brother is so sure that Satan knows hair takes much longer than a week to grow but Lucifer could really use a break from his work anyway. He has a favorite record that makes him practically bounce in excitement when Lucifer puts it on, sometimes he falls asleep other times he asks questions and Lucifer gives him answers.

Soon Satan grows up and his rebellion against Lucifer begins, the routine ends and becomes nothing more than a memory. With Belphie by his side and the bridge between them more distant, he learns to cut his own hair, ignoring the visible irritation when it doesn’t look or feel the same as it used to.

Lucifer is delighted to have a day off from RAD, having mostly caught up on any leftover assignments that Diavalo needed from him and pouring himself a glass of Demonus with a rare grin. His face falls at the sound of his D.D.D ringing, he tries to will the noise away but at the sound, he becomes anxious and eventually picks up. “Yes, Lord Diavolo? What is it?” His tone clipped and very clearly annoyed at Dia’s booming laugh on the other end, “Luci! I know it’s your day off and everything but could you come to RAD for a second and pick up Satan?” He blinks, confused and at his silence, Diavolo continues, “Well you see…”

The Avatar of Pride had been checking his watch for the past 10 minutes, ignoring the demons that glanced at him whispering, his day off now really going off the rails as Satan slinks toward him still in his demon form and covered in blood. Diavolo still smiling, “Well just keep him in sight for a few days, that’s a nice enough punishment for landing three of his fellow classmates in hospital, don’t you think.” Lucifer sighs but nods, “thank you, lord Diavolo. I’ll make sure this doesn’t happen again. Don’t roll your eyes Satan-” Both glaring at each other as they left the building, the rest of the walk tense and awkward.

Before he could properly think of a punishment befitting what an embarrassing scene that had been caused, Lucifer sees the pieces of gum sticking to the back of Satan’s hair, “What happened?” Though he didn’t expect an answer, he had Satan come inside his room, noting the stubble joy in his expression as he looked away. “I’m not child anymore, Lucifer..” He trailed off, his actions betraying him as he took a seat. The tips of his ears reddened in embarrassment, even more so as Lucifer coughed to hide his laughter. Though the music beginning to play worked to hold him in place, “I thought you didn’t have this record anymore..you said it broke.”

“I lied.” Lucifer admitted plainly, picking up the scissors from the table, “I just enjoy playing it when you would come around..” Such an open admission of affection wasn’t what he expected, looking down at his hands and nostalgia crept in.

“Lucifer?”

“What is it Satan?”

“Who’s Lilith?”

Lucifer stills, taking in a deep breath before continuing to cut Satan’s hair. “Lilith was our little sister, back in the Celestial Realm.” The boy blinks satisfied but still curious. “Was?” The scissors don’t stop this time but he can hear the other’s voice waver, “She’s gone. A causality of war.” There was more to it, he knew but Satan didn’t want to push too far and instead settled for something else. “Do I really remind everyone of her?”

That question does completely pull Lucifer to a halt, setting down the scissors and kneeling to eye level with Satan. “You do in some way, your hair for instance, and your eyes. She had a deep love for humans but animals as well partially fond of cats herself.” He brings out Watson which makes the boy gasp with glee and grabs the stuffed kitten, “but you must remember..you are not her. You are Satan, the same tempered brat that we all look after.” He sticks his tongue out at that, laughed as Lucifer mirrored his expression.

“You’re our brother and we love you dearly. As you and you alone.”

“Falling asleep again, Satan?” The teasing remark brought him back to the present with a scowl on his face, shooing the comments away and letting himself get taken away by the music. “I have always wondered though..why did you never ask Mammon to cut your hair? You liked him the best and find me 'unbearable’.” Lucifer asked, eager to know the answer and Satan hesitating to give it to him. “Well..you were the only one who would actually answer my questions, told me about Lilith, and made me feel like..me instead of someone else.” To admit such a confession was a huge leap, but in mending their distant relationship this could be what they needed to hear.

Though the sappy shit was becoming too overwhelming and Satan was practically submerged in Lucifer’s pride, “You weren’t 'unbearable’ until you started kissing Lord Diavalo’s ass so much. Guess it comes with dating the future king of the devildom, huh Lucifer?” He winces as he is hit with the handle of the scissors, cackling mischievously at the eldest’s expression.

“Satan.”

“Hmmm?”

“Shut up.”

He does exactly that and lets Lucifer finish cutting his hair.

—-

Jeez, that was a long one, I hope you all enjoyed it! this was based on a head-canon I have which is that Satan has a remarkable resemblance to Lilith and angst ensued. Satan serving to be a reflection of what they had lost unintentionally but also having to suffer still because of it, it’s set in my mind possibly a few years after the war. (which is why Asmo and Levi are locked away in their room and dealing with their new selves) I have not proofread because it is 3 in the morning but if there is any mistake that you see let me know!