#i am not at all against the musical itself

Okay this is  a hot take so feel free to pass over it if you can’t handle the shit I’m about to spew but Hairspray? It’s cheesy and cringy as fuck, and I can’t really stand most of it. Don’t get me wrong. It is an absolutely fantastic musical with astounding messages about body positivity and equality. I fully respect it for its messages.

What I don’t like is the absolute cheesiness and cringiness. I can’t sing along to ‘Good Morning Baltimore’ because it’s a goddamn extra cheese pizza, hold the sauce and the crust. ‘I Can Hear the Bells’? Don’t get me started. You meet this guy and 2 seconds later you’re like, What’s that I hear? Must be our wedding bells! I can’t. No. My aroace ass can’t. It makes a good wedding song, yeah, but in the context of the musical? Pass.

It’s got some really good songs too, though. Seaweed singing ‘Run and Tell That’? A legend, amazing, really awesome message about equality and minorities. Speaking of legends, ‘(The Legend of) Miss Baltimore Crabs’? Kind of a banger imo. There’s so much you can read into it to learn about the main villain, Velma Von Tussle. It’s a great song. That one that Tracy’s dad sings to her mom (I forget the name and am too lazy to look it up)? The one telling her that he still thinks she’s absolutely beautiful, after all the years? (And might just be in a movie version I don’t rememer)… That’s some good shit. And of course, I can’t not mention ‘You Can’t Stop the Beat’, because obviously, it’s one of those songs that transcend the boundaries of musical theater.

But, just… The cheesiness. When Tracy simply lifts the bars of prison to escape with Link because there were ‘Budget Cuts’? Uh-uh, honey. That ain’t how the real world works. Just the level of plot convenience and lack of development on so many parts makes it almost impossible for me to watch this musical.