A large number of the Yu Lin army have already started to charge towards me, i turned to face the gateway, rushed forth and ran straight up the city gate tower. I leaned over the city wall battlements from above, and stooped down to see A'Du who was still there by herself thumping at the city gate with her fists, that grand and well fortified gate, just relying on her own strength, how could she possibly push it open ? I saw her grimacing and silently weeping, He Shi suddenly came to mind, he had entrusted me to A'Du, and how was it not that he entrusted A'Du to me. If it weren’t for me, A'Du might not of survived, just like how if it wasn’t for A'Du, i wouldn’t of survived either.
The massacre of Tu Jue must of made A’Du feel a thousand, ten thousand times more lonely and aggrieved than me. 200,000 of her tribesmen died at the combined strength of Yue Zhi and the Central Plains army. Despite the deep hatred from that sea of blood that had been spilled, but for my sake she accompanied me in the Central Plains for 3 years.
Now that things have reached this stage, she is the only one i felt apologetic to.
The Yu Lin army had now already reached the bottom of the gates pass, a numerous amount of people escorted Li Cheng Yin as he dismounted from his horse and from behind i could hear a mass of footsteps, they have ascended up the gate.
However i had no fear, calmly standing in my place.
Li Cheng Yin’s neck was still bandaged with a white gauze. If my blade had cut even a little bit deeper, perhaps he wouldn’t of been able to stand here.
He faced me and walked towards me alone. However, every time he took a step forth, i took a step back.
I kept on retreating my steps until couldn’t retreat any more and reached the edge of the battlements. The westerly winds blew my sleeves upwards, producing a whistling sound, just like the day i was standing on the summit above the River of Forgetfulness.
Right below my feet appeared to be a bottomless abyss of interweaving clouds and mist.
Li Cheng Yin was observing me with a deep and profound gaze, he finally spoke : “ Don’t tell me you really are that unwilling to be my wife ? ”
I smiled at him but did not answer.
He asked me : “ That Gu Xiao Wu, what makes him so special ? ”
The heels of my feet were already suspended in mid-air, only the tips of my feet were standing on top of the battlements above, teetering back and forth. The Yu Lin army had already retreated far away, silently and attentively watching me. Yet the gaze from Li Cheng Yin, held an anguish so tangled and complicated, as if he was silently enduring, as if he was miserable.
I felt as if i had a dream, where everything was the same as 3 years ago, and for the past 3 years, life was just a vain illusion, but after all, nothing had changed.
I said : “ What made Gu Xiao Wu special, ill never tell you ”
Li Cheng Yin suddenly cracked a smile : “ It’s a pity hes already dead. ”
Yes, its a pity hes already dead.
He tried reasoning with me : “ Return with me, we can turn over a new leaf, i will still treat you well. Regardless of whether you still have that Gu Xiao Wu in your mind, as long as you’re willing to return with me, i will never mention this matter again. ”
I gave him a smile and said : “ As long as you promise me one thing, i will wholeheartedly return with you. ”
His face held no expression and only asked : “ What thing ? ”
I said : “ I want you to catch 100 fireflies for me. ”
He slightly staggered, he looked at me seemingly utterly perplexed.
My line of sight gradually started to get misty, yet my smile remained : “ The River of Forgetfulness, where love can be forgotten…. the divine water from the River of Forgetfulness allowed me to forget for 3 years, however, it failed to allow me to forget for a lifetime.”
Tears trickled down my cheek, i smiled and said to him: “ To be someone like you who has forgotten it all, how great would that be. ”
He dazedly stared at me, as if he couldnt comprehend what i was saying, i was also unaware of my current expression, i was certain i was smiling at him, however i couldnt help but cry at the same time. I said : “This time, i must truly forget you.”
I turned around, like a bird about to fly towards the sky, like a butterfly about to flutter towards a flower, i was determined to leap without hesitation. I knew without a doubt that there was no River of Forgetfulness here. That right below was a myriad of piercing-sharp rocks and as soon as one jumps, only a gruesome death awaits.
I heard a number of people crying out in fear, in a moment of desperation Li Cheng Yin scrambled to grab his belt and wrapped it around my hand.
All that was happening felt like a reenactment of exactly what took place 3 years ago. Suspended in mid-air my entire body became rigid as he held onto me, he was hanging from the edge of the battlements due to the inertia from my plunging body.
With one hand he held onto the battlements, and with the other he leaned over holding onto me. Due to the physical restraint the veins on his hands violently bulged and the wound on his neck started to seep out blood, the wound has probably split opened, but instead of letting go, he loudly roared : “ Guards ! ”
I knew that if the Yu Lin army rushed here to help him, i would have lost all chances.
I raised my hand, a cold light flashed past his eyes, he cried out : “ No ! ”
I severed his belt, that thin silk cloth ripped apart in the air, i poured all my remaining strength into giving him one last smile : “ I’m going to forget you, Gu Xiao Wu. ”
I saw the startled expression in his eyes, and the blood from his neck slowly flowed out, as if his entire body was suddenly inflicted with serious damage, he even slightly stumbled backwards looking upwards towards the sky. I saw the blood burst and splash forth from his wound, falling upon my face. I held onto my smile and watched him, he seemed to want to grab onto me in vain, but he missed by the smallest margin and his fingertips could only catch air, his mournful cry echoed within my ears : “ Its me…. Xiao Feng…. I’m Gu Xiao Wu…. ”
I knew he finally remembered, and so this will be my greatest revenge against him. The massacre that he commanded over 3 years ago, was what completely obstructed our affections for each other ; and now 3 years later ill use this to cut off everything between us.
I saw his clothes fluttering out, perhaps just like 3 years ago he’ll follow me and leap down, but this isnt the River of Forgetfulness, to fall is to die a bloody gruesome death. I saw Pei Zhao grabbing onto him, i saw him turn his hand and hit Pei Zhao in the chest, undoubtedly he used all his strength, i saw that the attack to his chest caused Pei Zhao to throw up blood, but Pei Zhao did not let go and even more people started to rush forwards, firmly hindering him.
The was sky so blue…. the sound of the wind created a “huhu” sound past my ears, everything before my eyes gradually started to blur.
It appeared as if i could see myself sitting on top of a sandy dune, watching the slow setting sun, along with my heart gradually descending, until the very end, until the sun had eventually vanished and was obstructed by a far away sandy dune, never to be seen again. The heaven and earth was heavily surrounded upon by the darkness of the night, even the last of the light was not to be seen.
It appeared as if i could see a circle of people watching and laughing. The majority of people from Tu Jue did not seem to believe that the white-eyed wolf king was really slayed by Gu Xiao Wu, so they continued to hold a thread of contempt. Gu Xiao Wu clasped at the bow, as if he were to play the zither, he used his finger to pluck at the bowstring. The bowstring made a clanging sound, the circle of people laughed even louder, yet among the roaring laughter he aligned his arrows, shooting down 100 bats.
It appeared as if i could see a myriad of fireflies flitting towards the sky, like millions of shooting stars flying across from the tips of our fingers, when the gods release their shooting stars, perhaps it would look just like this. Thousands upon thousands of fireflies encircling us, gracefully flying by, luminous lights scattering in all directions, like the golden rays from shooting stars that streak across the night sky. I think of the poem in the song, the god and the lover he longs for, standing in the river of stars, just like this so wondrous and dazzling.
It appeared as if i could see myself standing above the River of Forgetfulness, the heel of my feet already suspended in mid-air, the wind from under the cliff blew me unsteady, i swayed as if at any moment i could fall, the wind blew my garments it producing a loud whistling sound, my sleeves as if a thin blade unceasingly lashing at my arms. Now he didnt dare to step forward and coerce me, i say to him : “ I misjudged you, and now my home and people are in ruins, to suffer this ordeal is the punishment sent from the gods.
Enunciating each word distinctly, i say : ” For all eternity, i shall entirely forget you forever ! “
It appeared as if i could see the evening of our great wedding, he lifted up my veil. When the veil uplifted, everything before my eyes was bright, brightly lit candles surrounded me, illuminating his face, and his entire body. He wore a black robe, exquisite designs were embroidered on top. Several months before, under the supervision of Yong Niang, from the book 《Rituals & Etiquettes》 i had to memorize it to heart, i knew that that was a black attire, crimson garments, ninth chapter. Five chapters on attire, dragon、mountain、flower insect、fire、ceremonial goblets ; four chapters on garments, seaweed、rice、axe、bows. This was weaved into it. The single patch of white silk, axe on the collar、 jade cuffs、lapel. Leather belt, bright gold strokes, great apparel, silk belt nor vermilion lining, sets of concise knots. Bow on the lower garment、fire、mountain.
He wore the ceremonial imperial crown, nine tassles with various beads, appearance as his silk cord, green-black silk around his ears, guided by a sharp hairpin, a grand bearing.
At that time, i thought that that was our first meeting. What i didnt know was that we had already met, under the moonlight in the vast Western Liang.
The last thing that came to mind was the precise moment i severed the belt, his eyes that were full of glistening tears.
But its too late now, we conflicted for three years, however we still fell in love with one another. This is the punishment the gods have bestowed on us. Those who have drunk from the River of Forgetfulness, shall eternally part and shall never remember one another.
Whilst rapidly falling I serenely closed my eyes, waiting for my body and bones to be crushed.
The pressure from the fall eventually ceased, the sharp pain i imagined still never arrived. I opened my eyes, A'Du’s cold arm was wrapped around me, even though she tried to use her strength to jump up, but no one on this earth could withstand the immense force from such a fall, i could practically hear the sound of her bones disintegrating, she had forcibly used her own body as a safety pad and cushioned my body from smashing on to the ground. I saw the blood from her ears、 from her nose、and from her eyes all flowing out, i loudly cried out : ” A'Du ! “ I had twinges of pain coming from both my legs, i had no way of standing up, i heavily struggled to get up, bewilderedly i wanted to embrace her, but it seemed that even the slightest touch would bring forth acute pain, her expression showed agony, but her jet-black eyes gazed at me, her glance was just as poised as in the past, and didnt hold the slightest intention of blame. She looked at me as if i had merely done something naughty, or perhaps like in the past, when ever i wanted to slip away and take her out to roam the streets. I embraced her, muttering her name.
I clearly knew i had long lost the chance to return to Western Liang, i merely wanted her to leave first, but i failed her, because i clearly knew she would not cast me away to live upon this lonely world alone.
As well as how I could not bear to cast her away to live upon this lonely world alone. A'Du had already closed her eyes, no matter how much i cry out for her, she wouldn’t even know.
I heard the sound of the city gate squeaking open, an imposing amount of soldiers advanced towards us, i knew that everyone still had thoughts of pulling me back to that insufferable world, to bring me back to that cold and grim Eastern Palace. But now i no longer want to suffer that type of misery anymore.
I said to A'Du : ” Let’s go back to Western Liang together. “
I lightly picked up A'Du’s golden knife, a moment ago A'Du had used it to cut down a large amount of iron bolts so the blades surface had ruptured and many small fine nicks appeared.
In an instance i deeply stabbed the knife into my own chest, and yet i felt no pain. Perhaps ive already experienced all the sufferings of this world, so how could death even compare ?
Blood gurgled out, i held onto A'Du’s hand with both of my blood-stained hands, slowly I leaned over and fell by her side.
Now, we can finally return home.
I could feel my temperature and consciousness all gradually parting from me, and darkness gradually enshrouded me. It seemed as if i could see Gu Xiao Wu, sitting tall he urged his horse forward rushing towards me, i knew he had not died, but he had merely gone to catch 100 fireflies for me.
Now I want him to fasten his belt on me, by doing so he will forever stay by my side.
With a slight meaningful smile, i swallowed my final breath.
A vast and desolate land, a song speaks out : “A single fox sitting on top of a sandy hill, sitting on top of a sandy hill, gazing at the moon. Alas, it turns out it was not gazing at the moon, it was actually waiting for the girl who herds sheep…. A single fox sitting on top of a sandy hill, sitting on top of a sandy hill, basking in the sun…. Alas…. It turns out it was not basking in the sun, it was actually waiting for the girl riding her horse to pass by…”
Turns out that fox was unable to wait for girl whom it wanted to wait for all along.
