#i care about jon so much and this is why
You ever think about Jon and and what it means to be human?
You ever think about how small he sounded when he asked Elias if he’s still human. How much terror there was in his voice when he realised he recorded a statement that was written in a language he didn’t speak. How he tried to deny it when he first Knew something.
You ever think about him being not quite humans enough to die, but still too human to survive.
You ever think about how much he didn’t want to stop taking statements, how good it felt when he did. How he knew it was wrong but how he desperately still wanted it.
You ever think about how frustrated he became that he’s still feeling things, that he hasn’t become a monster like all the other avatars, who enjoy feeding fear to their patrons, who revel in it and he’s still a monster that cares.
You ever think about that time Jon went to Helen to ask when he would become that way, when he’d finally loose the last scraps of the humanity that he has left and she told him anytime. Anytime you want to, Jon.
You ever think about the way Jon laughed when the eye opened. How he sounded so triumphant and defeated at once. How he told Martin that he wished it felt horrible that he Saw and Felt everything.
You ever think about him sleeping with his eyes open. How he felt faint and less focused when outside the Eye’s vision, how he forgot everything that happened at Salesa’s safe house.
You ever think about how he held so much power. The power to See and Know basically everything and he purposefully held back about Looking at Martin, Basira, Helen, because that’s just the decent thing to do.
You ever think about how much it hurt him to be the catalyst for the apocalypse, how much guilt he felt over that to the point that the thought of another having to go through the same thing was unbereable to him. He was prepared to let everyone die, to stand as king over a barren world, to go behind his love’s, his anchor’s back because he couldn’t let there be even a tiny chance that somebody would have to suffer like he did.
You ever think about how on every step of the way they tried to rip his humanity away. To make him the monster he believed himself to be. How his humanity caused him nothing but grief and hurt but also love.How he clung to it, how he kept his humanity deep within himself and never gave it up. How it would have been so easy to do so. And so hard at the same time. How despite everything, Jon remained so human throughout it all?
