#i feel so bad for lmd may i just wanna cry

Just a really unpolished drabble fic about the Philinda scene from the library. I wrote this right after the sneak peek came out but didn’t have time to finish it, so I thought I’d just post it rather than delete it. ‘Cause I know none of this will really happen and it’ll go against canon in approximately 1 hour and 6 minutes! Lol

“Did you mean it when you said you’re ready for whatever comes next?”

He just looked at her.

Oh, the way he looked at her–saying everything without actually saying anything.

I shouldn’t be doing this, I shouldn’t be doing this, her mind kept chanting–but she couldn’t make herself look away from his darkened blue eyes.

It will only hurt him when he finds out, her thoughts cried.

As soon as Koenig brought them the book, she would have to take it. She would have to watch as Phil’s face turned from confused, to horrified, to livid. She knew that. But this, Phil looking at her with soft eyes, milliseconds away from brushing his lips against hers, thiswas what she wanted. She needed to bask in this moment before it all came crashing down around them. This was all she wanted–this one moment of selfishness before she did what she had to do.

So she leaned in and met Phil halfway, feeling his hand come up to touch her cheek. She grasped his jacket and let herself get swept away in the feeling of his lips on hers, committing the feeling to memory before she had to pull away at the sound of someone entering the room.

No, no. Not yet. She begged, feeling tears jump to her eyes. I don’t want this moment to end. Nothing will ever be the same. She looked at Phil, wanting to smile along with him, but unable to keep the fear off her face. She watched him draw his eyebrows in concern.

The minute Koenig walked in, she felt her body begin to betray her mind. In under two minutes, the Darkhold was in her possession–an Icer was in one hand, the leather bag in another. Phil tried to get her to talk, to explain, to just tell him what was going on, but she shook her head, causing a tear to spill over and roll down her cheek. Her heart broke when the tenderness on his face was replaced with bewilderment and desperation.

“I can’t tell you why, but I have to do this. I’m so sorry, Phil. I’m so sorry.”

She fled.

She didn’t know how she knew where she was going. All she knew was that her mind was screaming at her to disobey her commands–her programming, she spat, disgusted with herself–to run back to Phil and tell him everything, but her feet kept moving, taking her farther away from him.

A few men she recognized from the Watchdogs group picked her up and tried to take the book from her, but she refused to give it to anyone but Radcliffe, and they dared not challenge her. When she finally came face to face with the scientist, she shoved the book into his hands, nearly knocking him to the ground with the force of her fury.

With the book out of her hands, she felt something inside her release with a snap. She’d done her duty, she had finished what she was programmed to do. There was nothing stopping her from…how did the doctor put it? Taking what she wanted.

Radcliffe was helpless to stop her without his remote control device, which she promptly found and crushed under her foot. The guards took more time to take care of, but before long, she had them all on the ground, groaning. But when backup started rushing in, she knew she would have to make a break for it–now.

She escaped through a heavy side door, locking it behind her desperately as they pounded against it. She looked around quickly and froze when she saw her, tied up with wires sticking out all over the place. Herself–or rather, the real–Melinda May.

This is so weird, she sighed to herself. But in seconds, she knew what she had to do. She had to get Melinda out of there. That was the only way she could make it up to Phil, to her whole team for betraying them–the only thing she coulddo. They couldn’t both escape from here, but if one stayed back to fight, the other would be able to leave.

She immediately began plucking all the wires off of Melinda, who almost instantly came to with a gasp.

“What the he-”

“We’re trapped. Radcliffe and AIDA have had you in some kind of coma using this,” she shook the simulator in her hand before tossing it aside and helping Melinda down. “…for days.”

“He made a robot of me.” Melinda’s voice was rusty from misuse, and her hands shook. Her eyes scanned the room as her mind tried to process everything.

She felt her stomach clench at the word robot, but she ignored the feeling. “Yes. And you need to leave right now and tell Phil–” Her voice broke. Melinda looked at her, alarmed by the emotion she expressed. She knew Melinda was about to ask if he was okay, because that was exactly what shewould do. She regained her composure and spoke before Melinda could ask. “Tell Phil what I couldn’t. Tell him what happened here and tell him that I…that you…love him.”

Melinda blinked and tried to control her breathing. Something about hearing it spoken out loud made it all the more real. Especially when it was herself saying it. Well, kind of, but not really. Everything about this was so messed up.

“Don’t waste anymore time, go.” Melinda caught the double meaning from the android, but only nodded once and escaped.

She looked back at the door, which was shaking with the force being applied to it, and finally felt at peace with her decision. No more fighting between her feelings and her programming. No more conflict and second-guessing what actions to take. This was the right thing to do. She was going to save her people and her love, and if she went down for it, then at least she could play the memory of Phil in the library, leaning down to kiss her, over and over again in her mind.