#i just have a lot going on in my head right now

i’m just. i’m so fucking sorry. i keep making these posts and saying i’ll stick around and i don’t and i just. fuck

its hard. being around on this blog watching everyone write their amazing stories and i’m just. not doing anything

i mean i am. i’m writing fanfiction and doing things that make me happy but. god.

i wish i could create my stories the way i create fanfiction. i wish i could write them for me and then yeet them into the void and hope that someone somewhere likes it.

but i can’t do that. because my brain connects my original stories - stories that i so desperately want to tell - as something that i need to make perfect so they can be made into books so i can make money.

my brain won’t let me create - not just write, like with fanfic - unless it knows i can commodify it

and fuck i hate it so much