#i mean breagan technically

Brett:So I can never be around a woman outside of work?

Reagan: That’s not what I’m saying, that would be crazy!

Reagan:…

Reagan:All I am saying is if you’re going to hang out with a woman, it has to be when the sun is up!

Reagan:And she can’t be taller than me, or younger than me, or weigh less than me, or look like she weighs less than me.

Reagan:Also! You can’t share food!

Reagan:…

Reagan:Okay, I guess if you’re stranded, and you have to share food – then clear soups or broths only!

Reagan:And you will display your wedding band close to your face at all times. Photos of your children must be present, if they themselves cannot be!

Reagan:If she happens to touch you – even if by accident! – you will excuse yourself and call me immediately!

Reagan:If she has smokey eye makeup, that is bad. If she has a lazy eye, that’s good!

Brett:Reagan—

Reagan: You must always travel in separate vehicles–!

Reagan:Going back, lazy eye is out, it encourages eye contact. And she must never, have EVER been, or even WANTED TO BE, a gymnast.

Reagan:Oh, and this goes without saying, but no Denzel movies.