Heybourne: What is Love?

The thing about love is that what you think it is or what it feels like can vary depending on your experiences with it. Not to get too deep into attachment theory but our past relationships and experiences can influence our ability to recognize our own feelings. I feel like both Charlotte and Alexander are dealing with this in S2 and it’s something they will both have to resolve in S3.

Let’s look at Charlotte first. Her first love was Sidney. A man who was abrupt and judged her harshly in the beginning. At first, she was never quite sure of his motives or her own judgment around him. He confounded her and excited her.

She wasn’t at all sure of herself with him. It took Lady Susan insisting that she was in love for her to really examine her feelings. Sidney’s about-face towards Charlotte certainly helped those feelings along. But I think there was a lot of her feeling unworthy of him, not refined enough, not experienced enough, not rich enough, just not enough in general.

When Sidney confesses that he thinks she brings out the best in him and begins to really open up, I am sure the insecurities faded but not for long. When they separated and she was left heart broken all those doubts came back.

So still smarting from all that she has Ralph starting to court her. Things with Ralph are comfortable and easy but she doesn’t love him and that keeps her from saying yes. She likely thinks that she will never feel like she felt with Sidney again. But I gotta wonder should she?

Back in Sanditon she meets Mr. Colbourne and as that relationship develops it is very different from what she had with Sidney. Her feelings for Alexander grow in a different way. They have their conflicts but where Sidney tended to say exactly what he thought, Colbourne is guarded and speaks in illusions and circles around his points. “The house feels your absence” I mean DUDE!

I think Charlotte started to fall for Colborne long before the dance. BUT it is at the dance that she finally recognizes the feeling as love. She feels something like what she felt at that last dance with Sidney. And it’s almost like she is thinking “Wait is this LOVE?” This is why she demands to know Colbourne. She must know who he is if she is going to give her heart to him.

I also think her past with Sidney is why she rejects Colborne at the end of the season. She has learned to value herself (“I know exactly who I am”) and realizes she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with a man who makes her feel less. I think Sidney often made her feel less but Alexander never did until that moment in his office.

I like this growth for her. I like her demanding more from Alexander. But at the same time I understand why Alexander struggles to speak plainly (and that is obviously another meta). I am excited to see them build an equal relationship in S3.