#iamsecond

Alright internet, it’s confession time: One day, I was stressed and felt overwhelmed by my seemingly never-ending to-do list. One of the things on that checklist was to put-away my laundry, so, when I came into my room and my roommate asked how I was doing, I put on my almost-in-tears face and explained that my clothes being all over the place was making me anxious, but I didn’t have to fix it because I had to go to several meetings that night. When I got back to my room later that night, my loving roommate had folded all my laundry and put it away where she knew I would want it. However, I didn’t feel relieved, I felt guilty 

Why would I feel guilty? Because I know my roommate, and I know that she loves to do things for people, especially when they are struggling. When I came into the room earlier that night, I intentionally phrased our conversation in a way that suggested I needed my laundry folded, without actually asking her to do it. When I got back to the room that night after she had done such a nice thing for me, I pretended to be in shock and acted emotionally touched that she had took notice of my stress. In short, I manipulated her to get her to do what I wanted, and then put on a show to convince her that I had nothing to do with her decision to do that for me. 

When I read Psalm 51, I remember that story, along with many other examples of my sinful motives corrupting a moment showing the beautiful heart of love and service that others have towards me. 

Psalm 51 was written by King David after he sinned by sleeping with Bathsheba and covering his scandal up by having her husband killed, then marrying her after the time of mourning. When David is confronted by his own sin against God, he writes this poem of confession, lamentation, and repentance, asking for God’s mercy to come upon him to forgive his sins and make his heart clean. 

“Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being, and you teach wisdom in the secret heart…Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right Spirit within me.” 

I once had a friend explain the message of this psalm as “clean heart, pure motives.” It became one of my life mottos after that. You see, God does not look at the actions of humans, but rather sees the heart motivations behind what we do. The Bible tells us that “it is from within, out of a person’s heart, that evil thoughts come.” (Mark 7:21). If we have a clean heart, we will yearn for good and not evil. If we have pure motives, we will love and serve others from a place of love, rather than exploiting them. 

So back to my example: If I had just come to my roommate with a clean heart and pure motives, I could have been straightforward and simply asked her, “Syd, would you mind folding my laundry? I’m not going to have time to do it tonight and I’m feeling very overwhelmed right now.” I know that she would have joyfully accepted and appreciated having a way to show love to me, in the same way that I care for all the time when she’s stressed. 

Instead, I let my prideful heart win over and refused to ask for help directly, using manipulative motives to exploit her loving and sacrificial character. 

I have long since sought my own forgiveness from the Lord and asked that he give me a clean heart and pure motives every time I speak to others. But, I think there could be more to this message. 

What would it look like if we actually lived our lives with clean hearts and pure motives? What if we ended exploitation? And manipulation? And lying? Hurting others with our words? If we didn’t look for selfish gain? If we put others before ourselves? 

Clean Heart, Pure Motives. It changes everything. 

-31Women (Beth)