#if you dont do that then you are not acting as an adult
I realize this is a take that might annoy some folks, if anyone relates, but it bothers me how often I see young/youngish adulthood dialogue that’s constantly like, “How am I an adult? I’m a child, right? I’m a child. I can’t do these things, I can’t be an adult.” Everyone’s treating themselves as though they can’t be an adult and as if they can’t do the basics of what it means to live adult life.
Now. It’s understandable to take time to process the transition to adulthood. It’s understandable to be confused, and it’s understandable to have adjustments or daunting moments. Goodness knows, we all need to process. It’s understandable if you didn’t get good prep before you were thrown out into the world and feel unequipped. It’s understandable that, culturally, a lot of traditional adult milestones have been delayed or disappearing, and ergo it’s harder to perceive yourself as an adult. And it’s understandable if you’re dealing with neurodivergence or disability or other hold-ups that might make a life transition harder.
But I’m looking at this from the perspective of seeing some circles of folks around me, 10+ years after reaching adulthood and nearly as long since having moved out, talking about themselves like this. There’s a point where, if your only conversations are, year after year after year, “How am I an adult? I’m a child, right?” then you’re diminishing yourself. You’re not helping yourself by your language and how you’re treating yourself. You’re infantilizing yourself (for lack of a better word). You’re limiting yourself. That’s not good. You can’t live forever in a mindset that believes you’re incapable of doing menial tasks of everyday adult life. You have to treat yourself as an agent capable of handling, learning, adjusting to, and regularly doing tasks. At some point, you have to do things like those regular phone calls and make it your norm. These need to become your uneventful, un-noteworthy norm.
You have to accept you can grow to be capable rather than constantly belittle yourself as incapable.
For the record, this isn’t a soft sentimental post. I spoke in words that wouldn’t be rejected and which show I understand context, but I was commenting out of well-meaning frustration. I want this to be a non-rude but still firm call to action. Do something for yourself. YOU, yes you. You have to. I know it might be hard. But you have to find your routes and progress. Learn to speak right by yourself and learn to act on your capabilities you do have.
