#im much happier now
Happy pride month to all ! With a special heads up for my fellow aro-ace folks, we rule too !
Funny story, but a few years ago I identified as bi. I always wondered if I was “bi enough” though (I was), cause I needed to have a strong emotional connection to be attracted to women, but not for men. It was all very confusing and I wasn’t 100% comfortable. The biphobia and “what no you’re probably gay or straight you don’t know it yet ;)” was horrible too. Please don’t do that.
Turned out the idea of romance and sex was all well and good but that the second I applied it to myself, it got extremely uncomfortable. Like really. I tried to date, cause I liked that guy -but in the end it wasn’t the same ‘like’ or 'attraction’ as what most of my friends experienced. And it did not translate to kissing or hand holding, I still hated hugs with a passion, but I forced myself. Constantly wondering how to act, what I should do, etc. I already have anxiety and occasional panic attacks, well guess what, it got even stronger. Yay.
All the 'just do what you want and be yourself’ didn’t help, and made me grow distant instead. I sabotaged every romantic relationship because, surprise ! I didn’t want them, no matter how much I thought I did. I hurt people. I was sorry. I didn’t know what was wrong. I avoided being touched cause I knew where that led and 'meh no nope’, unless I was tipsy enough not to care. And I’m so very happy that I don’t feel like I have to do all this anymore.
We’re fed romance and sex being the end all be all of life through fiction, all the damn time, and that’s… That’s okay actually, I love to read about romance and attraction. But please always try to keep in a corner of your mind that you’re not missing out, or missing anything in yourself either. Don’t listen to all the assholes asking you why you’re still single. You’re doing great. Don’t force things. And maybe one day it will change, or maybe not, fluidity and all that -but there’s NO need to wait for it or wish for it.
Keep being you and keep being confident ! Here, throwing a half-burnt cookie batch your way. ❤️
