he was quick to shift the blame back onto íllra, lucius noted. though quite frankly, he wasn’t interested in hearing about whatever had happened between the two, much less be some kind of messenger between them. but of course, íllra was quick to counter that it hadn’t been out of pride, whatever that meant. apparently, the accusation had touched quite a nerve with him, though, because he suddenly got particularly loud, which caused lucius to frown in annoyance, hand balling into a fist at his side, digging his nails into the palm of his hand to better focus. ❛❛ i’m not interested in what happened between you two, ❜❜ he said sharply, shaking his head, both to shut íllra up as well as thomas. dealing with onegod was bad enough, if he weren’t to listen to two gods argue with each other throughhim. this had nothing to do with him and he refused to get involved in it. ❛❛ it doesn’t matter to me whether you betrayed him or not. if you did, for all i know, he deserved it, and if you didn’t, who knows, maybe you should’ve…i don’t know, and i don’t care… what ido want to know is; why are you trying to help me,now? why would you care about anything that happens to me? ❜❜ for whatever reason, that prompted a small chuckle to echo in his mind.
he can see the war of thoughts as it crossed lucius’ expression, but he didn’t actually know what was being said, though he wanted to. or did it even matter? it seemed that the illra he knew, who could be a pacifist, who could be forgiving, was gone. that winning the fight at this point… would be for the sake of ego. but at heart, thomas will always be a god. even if he lacked the powers he once had. a lifetime of bitterness which only came from being what he was made him into the creature he was today. he’s shaken, a little, by lucius pointing out that perhaps thomas should have betrayed illra. a fact that… at times he thought about… regretted… wondering all the lives he could have saved. wondering what tivarhall would have been like now, if not for the massacre. “i wish i could undo the suffering that he put you through… but i wish to see to it that he never hurts anyone else. i know what illra’s wrath can lead to. and if he is able to…” he makes a vague gesture at lucius, not knowing how the other was able to hold him back at all… “if he is able fully take you over, and then it could be disastrous for earth. i have lived here among humans and i know the goodness there can be in mankind. i would not see all of you wiped out.”
he wants to answer yes. that his brother no doubt was at a bar, bragging that his visions about these other places had indeed been true, while drinking himself into a stupor because naturally celebrations of returning home after a successful adventure required a night of fun.
but… the man’s line of questioning has him worried, and the smile fades, concern arising on his features. ❛❛ i’m guessing not, since you’re asking me about what i last remember… ❜❜had something happened to his brother? he looked at the other somewhat skeptically. ❛❛ you know my brother? ❜❜ it was half question, half statement.
he wanted to trust his gut that he could tell if illra was lying or not, but it had been long since he’d seen him, and it seemed that illra had become so cruel since then, that he didn’t know if he would be able to accurately tell or not… “yes, i know iarle.” he said with a small smile, trying his best to keep the sadness and the guilt from it. “i am a friend of iarle’s.” i was your friend too, once.
was he, he wondered? if iarle had survived, thomas doubted that they would be any longer. thomas had betrayed him… because he thought that he could sort out the strife between the two brothers. that he could prevent what iarle had feared… when it seemed perhaps that all he had done was ensure that it occurred… “do you know where you are right now?”
TILTING ITS HEAD UP TO LOOK AT THOMAS, it lets out a happy little screech, tail swinging back and forth, its entire body almost seeming to be wagging along in excitement and happiness. indeed, it did come from somewhere cold! too cold for any earth creature to ever survive. so when the snow finally covered the ground, it was ecstatic! it runs over to thomas and lifts front claws off the ground to touch thomas’ legs, pawing at him a little, before plopping down on all fours again only to lay all the way down in the snow sideways, front claws reaching over to tap and claw on his right shoe, clearly wanting something from him ( perhaps for thomas to join in, having fun in the snow! )
he’s going to google tundra lizards when he gets home. but for now, thomas kept his eyes on the little creature, who seemed to be practically jumping for joy at being outside in the snow. thomas wasn’t much fond of the cold, which brought back bad memories, though snow itself had somewhat more positive ones… it made him think of his kids when they were younger, playing outside. but gregory is too old for all of that these days. the small creature seemed to be prodding at him, but for what? did it want to play? thomas bent down, feeling a slight ache in his joints (he was old, after all), though not quite immersing himself fully in the snow. he took a handful of snow and raised a feet above likr, slowly using his fingers to break up the pile of snow so that instead it was tiny pieces, simulating snowfall.
❛❛ four centuries? ❜❜ a mildly impressed, if not incredulous look flashed tommy’s features for a moment. (he certainly wouldn’t have guessed that. ) and he couldn’t even begin to imagine living that long, and not necessarily because the idea of immortality itself was difficult to grasp. but one lifetime seemed more than long enough, if not at times toolong.four centuries from now… that would be the year 2320, if he ever ended up living as long as his namesake has.
perhaps it was strange of him, but he found the idea of eternal life was more discomforting than the thought of death itself. to outlive your friends, your family… did he really want to live so long that he had to see his siblings’ funerals? his nephews? did he want to live a life, constantly on the move every other decade to prevent anyone from noticing he was no longer aging? what life could he possibly create for himself now, like this? all his ambitions, for himself, for his family… what was he to do with all of that now?
his brows furrowed as he pondered this, looking over at thomas. ❛❛ that’s what, five, maybe six lifetimes? so that means you must be born around the early 1500s… ❜❜ a quiet chuckle in disbelief, a slight shake of his head to himself. ❛❛ and it hasn’t gotten tiring? ❜❜
“i’m hoping that means you think i look good for my age,” he teases softly. tommy was far from the first person to be surprised at how old he was. but some of the surprise came from the very fact that he was still… well, alive seemed an ironic way to put it. many didn’t live so long, either dying by their own hand or at another’s. for such a small population that they were compared to humans, they certainly got into many arguments amongst each other. some lethal.
“born 1485,” he specifies nostalgically. but the smile he wore slightly dropped off at the question that he was asked. “the life i lived while i was alive was far more exhausting…” he chuckles bitterly. but that isn’t exactly his whole answer to the specific question. “compared to the live i lived, i’m free… i can go where i want, do what i want… enjoy art and music and all the best that being a human has to offer.” he tries to look at the positive side of things.
“do i get lonely?” is the question that he imagines is really being asked. “of course. knowing what our existence means, if we should bond with other humans… or to anyone, really… the grief is great for those we lose. but i…” even in his darkest hours he couldn’t bring himself to take his own life. “i make the most of what i am now.”
