#it book
ben: I already have a tattoo
richie: what? where? why? how? when?
ben: I will never talk about it again
stan: do you understand the problem now that I’ve explained it to you for 15 minutes
bev:yes
stan: are you lying to me
bev, voice cracking:yes
richie: I can’t find my phone
mike: I’ll call it for you
richie no wait-
richie’s phone: you are my dad YOU’RE MY DAD boogie woogie woogie
mike:
richie: I can explain
ben: now I know you dont like to relinquish control-
eddie:come on! relinquish is just a fancy word for lose!
eddie: are you wearing makeup? where did your freckles go?
richie: huh? oh no, winter just makes my freckles fade, eds
eddie: I see…
(later)
eddie, beating the snow with a shovel while angrily mumbling: give. him. back. his. freckles. you. bitch.
bill: welcome to dumb boyfriends anonymous, where we talk about how dumb we are and work on it or something
bill: I’ll start. today my boyfriend tried to hold my hand and i got scared and screamed. who wants to go next?
eddie: someone tried to talk to my boyfriend so I set off the fire alarm
bill: congratulations, you win the weekly prize for worst story ever
eddie: I get it every week, it’s not special anymore
bill: well maybe you should be LEARNING FROM THIS
richie: getting a brain scan today, boys
stan: to check if you have one?
richie: thank you so much for your concern and support, Stanley.
richie: first of all I’m not A bitch I’m THE bitch
richie: did eddie just tell me he loves me for the first time?
bev:yeah
richie: and did I do finger guns back?
bev: yeah, you did
bev: and, if you have any suggestions, please feel free to jot them down and drop them in this suggestion box
bill: that’s…that’s a rubbish can
bev:exactly
richie: I heard our neighbor lady strangled her husband yesterday. can you imagine? just snapping like that?
eddie, trying to sleep next to him:yes.
bill: I start therapy tomorrow
bill: with any luck they’ll deem me unfit to live
richie:…—-.–/…—.-..-.-.–
stan: what’s that
richie: remorse code
stan: I’m even angrier
ben: you… you… you rude person!
stan: go easy on him, ben
eddie: I’m not sure how many cookies it takes to be happy, but so far it’s not twenty-seven
bill, at a party: so richie, truth or dare?
richie:dare
bill: I dare you to kiss the prettiest girl in the room on the lips
bill: Notice I charitably said girl and not person because, let’s face it, I’d smoke all you bitches
richie: I finally got my average resting heart rate down to 65 beats per minute
richie: only 65 more to go
mike: you have a girlfriend now?
bev: *awkward peace sign*
mike: two girlfriends?!?!
bill: a vodka for me and a juice box for him
ben: bill, I’m an adult
ben: I can buy my own juice box
mike: richie, we need to talk
richie: why? is it because I say “uh oh spaghetti-o’s” whenever something goes wrong?
mike, sighing:yes
richie:
richie: uh oh spaghetti-o’s
mike: get the fuck out of my house