#it hurts my soul

LIVE

“River!” Chad buttoned up his shirt, repeating himself only a little impatiently. “River, we’re supposed to be—”
“I know.” River lightly chuckled, already leant in the doorframe. Chad recovered quickly, though he was surprised to see him dressed; he’d thought River had lost track of time with his painting. Again.
“When did you—”
“An hour ago. I just got off the phone with Elle.”
Chad tried not to allow himself a frown; he’d come to associate out of the blue calls from Ms. King to mean sudden, unforgiving deadlines for River.
“I called her. To tell her I’m taking from now until after the holidays off.” River sidled up with a smirk as Chad blinked in shock. Sliding his hands around Chad’s waist, his smile turned apologetic, cerulean eyes studying him carefully.
“I’m sorry. I know I’ve been swamped lately. But I did have a lot of lost time to make up for, what with Dragon Valley and…” An awkward pause, then River shook himself, drawing together the fragments of his smile. “And my unproductive slump before that. But I don’t want to be stressed out for our first Christmas together.”
“…Thank you,” Chad said quietly, straightening River’s lapel. He hoped his partner would one day open up to him about what happened before the bachelor contest. River froze up whenever he came close, the same fleeting expressions of shame and guilt every time. It clearly linked to their conversation immediately after filming had wrapped, about not making the same mistakes and asking Chad to keep him accountable. Chad wasn’t sure how much he could help without knowing the details but sensed River still needed time. To process or just to talk about it openly, Chad wasn’t sure, but he was willing to wait.
“Are you ready?” River beamed affectionately, leaning back to allow his eyes to sweep over Chad. “You look amazing. As always.”
“I am. Ready, I mean, but I’ll accept ‘amazing’ too. Do you have any ideas what this is all for?”
River shrugged. “Not a clue. It was Bay’s idea. That’s all I know.”
“Everyone is coming?”
River shifted uncomfortably and sighed. “As far as I know… I wonder if there will ever be a time where that won’t be awkward.”
“Best to let them come to that themselves, I think,” Chad said diplomatically. River had explained the situation between his eldest brother and Amir, and Chad had decided it best to pretend he knew nothing. Simpler that way.
“Oh, trust me, I have no intentions of ever getting involved.” River sighed again. “Okay, let’s go.”