#it is important to me that posts like this exist
1. The fastest time in which the world’s longest dog can eat the world’s longest sausage. This record could in theory become easier as time goes on as the available world’s longest sausages get progressively shorter. It all depends on whether the dog gets full faster than the world can produce record-breaking sausages.
2. The world’s largest ball of record-breaking items. Probably easiest-achieved by bringing the world’s stickiest glue to an exhibition of record-breaking items. The rules state that the ball must be at least ninety percent record-breakimg items, so careful removal of display cases and security guards from the ball may be required.
3. The furthest the world’s most irresistable force can push the world’s most immovable object. Note that record attempts in this category are not allowed if they will cause a major natural disaster.
4. The record for the largest number of record-breaking weightlifters listed at one time.
5. The longest poem written about a thing whilst balanced on top of the world’s largest ball of that thing. The world’s largest ball of planet does not count.
6. The most times that an indivisual human has been pecked by the world’s largest bird. This is a joint category with the world’s slowest run away from the world’s largest bird. The world’s largest bird also offers a variety of other bird violence records, please ask at bird central.
7. The shortest ever tallest living person.
8. The world’s worst idea for a record. This may be sub-categorised into those that were tried anyway, and those for which the idea-haver thought to check before attempting. A further category, the world’s most contrived idea for a record, exists for those records that are merely bizarre rather than fatal.
