#jack chapman

In just 10 days this amazing, beautiful soul would have been 29 years old. His life was cut short due to a fucking asshat murderer who still continues to be allowed to live, and he feels no remorse for all of this;of course!!

And all of you felt so enraged for the first month but have since fell so silent about this.

Let me tell you, there has not been a single night since Jack has passed that I haven’t felt guilty for his passing, that I haven’t retraced all of my actions or inactions, that I haven’t replayed all of our conversations and interactions looking for a way I could have been a better friend to Jack. I loathe the day should I ever face his poor mum or gram or brother in person and tell them I did all I could to save him because I know I didn’t.

Because I knowingly let my friend walk back into a relationship I knew wasn’t good for him just because I didn’t want to be confrontational because I didn’t want to be on his bad side because I didn’t want to be “that queen” but if I knew then what I know now I would go kicking and screaming.

Jack didn’t deserve this!!

I should have been better, I should have done better, I should have been a better friend. I should have given him the knee jerk reaction to his bullshit apology that was shaped and constructed by that asshole and not at all by Jack. I should have spoken my mind, I should have been stubborn as I have my whole life, I should have stood up and not been silent. I am so sorry I failed you Jack. I am so fucking sorry.

I love you and miss you. And if there is ever a chance in my life to make this right, I will. That’s a fucking promise I can keep. ❤️