pakfiction:

If You’re Too Shy (Let Me Know)

CH2. Sugar

JJ found out there were a few ‘side effects ’, as he called them, to being friends with Sarah Cameron.

One, there was always food in the fridge at the chateau. He liked that one, that one was good.

Two, there was suddenly a fourth person to call him out on his bullshit and wild ideas. And much like Kiara, she didn’t hold back on calling him an idiot.

Three, he seemed to get really drunk around her, really quickly. Mostly ‘cause the girl could drink like a fish and she always stole fancy wine from her family’s cellar. He liked that one too.

And fourth, well that’s when it all went to shit.

The fourth ‘side effect ’ of being friends with Sarah Cameron, was that she noticed everything. He wasn’t as much of a fan with that one.

That’s why when they were both propped up against the Twinkie, watching the latest summer wave of tourons mix with the locals on the beach, he rolled his eyes when she said:

“So, Maybank.”

Nope, nope, no. This is what she did, she would smile wide, hand him a full bottle of a 1826 Cabernet Sauvignon and find him later, alone and drunk enough to spill his secrets.

“Cameron,” he replied dryly, watching her from the sides of his eyes.

She took a swig of wine from the bottle, hiding her smile against the edge of the glass and passed it to him. She swayed, just a little, enough for JJ to sigh and grab at her arm before she could topple over.

If she fell one more time at a kegger, John B was gonna make them all start staying home and playing scrabble. Sarah huffed and slumped into his side, trying to steal the bottle back before he’d even had a sip.

He batted at her hand, smiling when she grumbled but then she nipped at his waist and he yelped, scanning the crowded beach and wondering where the fuck John B was.

“Anyway,” she exclaimed, “like I was saying. When are you gonna mack on Kie?”

JJ spluttered around the bottle mid drink, his teeth clicking off the glass and he swore as a few drops hit the sand. There goes ninety bucks.

“God, don’t deepthroat the thing, JJ,” the girl scolded, taking it off of him.

He glared at her.

“What do you mean, mack on Kie?” He muttered, looking around for any witnesses despite the fact everyone was several feet away and the music was blaring. He spotted Kie near the shoreline, standing laughing with Pope and a few other pogues they all knew from school.

She was wearing a dress, one from Sarah’s closet, he’d figured, and it was short and silky looking, a soft green that made her skin look deep and rich and god, fuck, Sarah was grinning at him.

“Oh I don’t know,” she mocked, “I just figured I’d ask.” She poked another finger at his side, ignoring how he whined at her, “nothing to do with how you’ve been staring at her all night or how she thinks you’re so pretty.”

Her teeth gleamed in the dark as she grinned at him and JJ suddenly realised how John B had become so pussy whipped. He felt heat rush to his cheeks and he scowled, ripping off his hat to run his hands through his hair before jamming it back down into his head, backwards and messy.

Sarah flicked at the brim of it.

“I thought we all agreed not to talk about that night,” he said, trying to not think back to last weekend, how Kie had decided he was her favourite person in the world. “Kie gets embarrassed.”

“Kie isn’t here,” Sarah smirked and JJ had no argument.

“Leave me alone, woman,” JJ grumbled, his eyes lighting up with relief when saw John B walking towards them, more beer in his hands, “I’m gonna tell your boyfriend you’re drunk.”

Sarah rolled her eyes and scoffed.

“He’s gonna get all worried and take your wine off of you.

Her jaw dropped in protest, her arms cradling at the now almost empty bottle of red, “JJ, no!”

“Yo, John B!” JJ called out, grinning, “your girls almost fell, like six times dude.”

“JJ!” Sarah moaned, slapping at his back as he walked away from her whilst laughing. She watched as concern slipped over her boyfriend’s face and she sighed, flipped off JJ who was stealing beers from John B’s arms as he left them and called out, “babe, I’m fine, I swear!”

_____

When Pope found him two hours later, he’d had another three beers, a joint to himself and he’d found a pair of aviators that he’d perched on his nose.

“C’mon dude, time to go,” Pope had laughed, swinging an arm round him and leading him to where the Twinkie was parked. He’d mumbled some protests on the way but when he saw Kiara standing by the open door, he tried not to grin.

“Ey, look! It’s Kie!” He slapped a hand to Pope’s chest, pointing at the girl as if she was the best damn sight he’d ever laid eyes on.

She was.

“Yup, I know Buddy,” Pope had agreed, smiling at how the boy was walking over to Kie, arms outstretched.

When he reached her, he stood too close but the girl didn’t seem to mind and the backs of his knuckles grazed against the silky material that fell over her hips. She was smiling at him.

“This s’nice,” he commented softly, his fingers finding the hem of the skirt and rubbing a little.

“Yeah?” Kie asked, “you like it?” She swung her hips a little, letting the material swish over her thighs. The girl laughed when JJ closed his eyes, nodded his head and held two thumbs up to her.

“It’s very pretty,” he mumbled, moving into her side. Kie held back a smile when he slipped an arm around her shoulders, pressing his nose to her temple. She smelled like the peach body wash she always left in the bathroom at the chateau, like summer and smoke and just fucking heaven.

“It’s Sarah’s,” she told him conversationally, bringing a hand up to JJ’s waist, trying to guide him into the back of the van. But he stopped her, swallowing hard when her palm connected with the bare skin over his ribs through his low sleeves.

“Yeah but, it looks better on you.”

Kiara hummed in response, trying not to let the boy see the blush high on her cheeks, ‘cause even though he was pretty far gone, he didn’t take his eyes off of her.

“You’re full of compliments tonight, Maybank. You after something?”

The boy smirked, climbing into the back of the Twinkie and slumping low in a seat. He looked up at her through hooded eyes and unfairly long lashes. He flashed his teeth in a dangerous smile and asked:

“You still think I’m pretty, Carerra?”

Pope barked out a laugh from the passenger seat, bit down his lip when Kie glared at him and wondered where the fuck John B and Sarah where. They needed to see this.

When the couple did show up, John B was carrying Sarah and the girl seemed to be trying to make the action as difficult as possible for him. She danced in his arms, ran her fingers through his hair and kept pecking him on the tip of his nose. To his credit, the boy kept a hold of her and he pressed a kiss to her lips before he dropped her in the back of the van beside JJ, shaking his head at her mumbles of mock offense.

“Heyward,” Sarah yelled, waving her hand towards the old radio, “hit me with that 1D!”

Pope ignored her as JJ slapped his hand against hers in a high five, both of them singing the wrong words to a song that Kiara was eighty percent sure wasn’t sung by the band they were talking about.

“New rule!” John B yelled over their chorus from the back, “no more wine at the boneyard!”

JJ and Sarah booed loudly and John B rolled his eyes when even Kiara pouted at him, eyes narrowed.

“Just make sure they stay upright until we get home? Please?” He asked as he climbed into the drivers, their gazes wandered back to the two blondes.

Sarah was pulling at her shoes, struggling to get them off her feet as she furiously refused to undo her laces. JJ was looking at Kie, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth and when her eyes met his, he winked.

Son of a bitch.

Kie ignored how John B grinned at her, his eyes flicking between the two of them, “I can’t promise anything,” she muttered.

When the van rolled up to the dark marshes where the chateau stood, Pope clambered out first, walking up to the door as he yelled something about “no macking, no responsibility!”

John B stifled a laugh as he heard Kie swear from inside the back and when he rolled the side door open for her, she shuffled out, throwing a look back over her shoulder.

“How do you feel knowing your girl shares the same brain cell with JJ?”

The two stood and peered back into the van, watching intently as the two blondes mashed their heads together and used the long hair from Sarah’s ponytail as fake mustaches.

“Honestly? Confused but not surprised,” John B shrugged.

Sarah whooped gleefully as her boyfriend took her by the ankles, pulling her out from the back of the van and throwing her over his shoulder. She slapped at his ass as they walked towards the house, lights flooding from the windows now the Pope had settled himself in front of the TV.

“He’s all yours,” John B called back to Kiara, “let’s call it retribution for last week!”

Kie turned back to where JJ was still sitting, someone else’s aviators suddenly on his face. He smirked at her.

“I’m not carrying you,” Kie deadpanned, shaking her head and hiding her smile.

“I carried you!” The boy retorted, swinging his legs out and standing next to her. He tilted his head down so he could look at her over the rims of the sunglasses, “that’s not playing fair.”

“Didn’t you hear?” She whispered conspiratorially, “I don’t play fair.” She took him by the hand instead, tried not to react to the way he grinned down at her, those stupid glasses making him look way more appealing than he should.

When they reached the porch and heard laughter from inside, JJ tugged at Kie’s hand a little, smiled when she stopped and looked back at him questioningly. He crowded her against the wall of the chateau, his forearm resting beside her head as he leant down to whisper in her ear.

“Hey, you never answered my question earlier.”

Every sense Kiara had buzzed. JJ was so close, the smell of aftershave and boy and bonfire washing over her. The strands of blonde hair that licked out from underneath his hat brushed at her neck, her jaw, and his words danced over the shell of her ear.

She swallowed hard, placed a palm flat against his warm chest to help him keep his balance and tilted her chin up to meet his gaze. His eyes were sparkling behind those stupid glasses and Kiara didn’t know if it was from the weed, the beer or from her.

She knew what she hoped it was .

She raised an eyebrow, poked one fingertip into the dimple that appeared on his right cheek when he smiled and asked, “what question?”

Kie patted at where her hand was still resting in his chest and she tried not to think about how heart thumped along to the same beat that his thundered underneath her palm. She watched his lips twist into a grin and she ducked underneath his arm, walking into the chateau, knowing he’d follow her.

He did.

Kie had been told all about her behaviour last weekend, in the form of wise cracks and smirks from John B and Pope, a full play by play from Sarah with sparkling eyes and flushed cheeks from JJ.

So what? Wine and weed made her affectionate. It was fine. She told JJ he was pretty. It was fine. It turned out, weed and wine made JJ flirty as fuck, bold and brazen and Jesus, he needed to stop looking at her like that.

Kiara tried not to watch him as he went straight into his room, frowning as she heard clattering about and some muffled curses. There was a thump, a sigh and then the sounds of his boots hitting the floor. When he reappeared, he was shirtless, a pair of dark sweatpants sitting low on his hips. He threw something at her, grinning when it hit her in the chest and she grabbed it.

It was his grey sweatshirt, the one she woke up wearing last Sunday after she had, according to Sarah, demanded it from him.

“Heard it was your favourite,” he said to her.

John B coughed a laugh into the remaining dregs of his beer, pointing a finger at the blonde and grinning.

“Ay, my boys got game tonight!”

Kiara’s cheeks burned and she glared at Sarah when the other girl let out a laugh. She just shrugged in return and everyone watched as JJ threw some finger guns at John B and flopped down onto the sofa. The boy let out a sigh, looking way too happy with himself. Kie tried not to watch the way the muscles in his stomach flexed as he stretched out, the band of his boxers visible above his sweats, stretched across muscles between his hip bones that Kiara had sworn she’d never noticed before.

“Jurassic Park three?” Pope suggested, clapping his hands together to cancel out the tension-filled silence, “anyone?”

And that’s how Kiara found herself for the second Saturday night in a row, pressed up against JJ on the sofa. Except this time his chest was bare and tanned and warmandgod, his arms were solid against hers, flexing when he shifted beside her in the dark.

Was this torture? Retribution? Heaven? Kie wasn’t sure but she knew she only had herself to blame.

They were half way through watching more people getting eaten by dinosaurs when John B went to supervise Sarah in the kitchen, ‘cause when the girl suddenly wanted three am Mac and cheese, well, her boyfriend wasn’t gonna say no. Pope snored from the floor beside the TV, his arms slung over his face and the remote still in his hand.

She felt JJ turn to look at her, his eyes taking in the way her lashes fluttered under his gaze, her lips twitching when he stared at them too long.

“Hey, Kie,” he whispered, his voice a little rough from drinking and not talking for an hour.

“Hmmm?” She answered, turning to him and letting out a tiny gasp when her nose almost brushed against his. He was so close. He grinned lazily at her and his eyes were soft.

“I know we aren’t s’posed to talk about it,” JJ started, his eyes drifting across her face and landing on her lips. She couldn’t help but bite down on them. “But do you really think I’m pretty?”

When he was close to her, looking at her like that with aquamarine eyes, she couldn’t really think properly. Blonde strands that were still messy with sea salt fell across his forehead and Kiara’s fingers twitched to brush them away. So she didn’t think too much, just smiled instead, welcomed the blush that settled across her cheeks when she whispered his own words back to him:

“I think you’re the prettiest boy on this whole island.”

And fuck, if JJ’s whole face didn’t light up at that. His lips pulled up into a wide smile and if his cheeks were really turning pink like Kie thought they were, well she’d die happy. He slouched against her, the side of his body pressed into hers and in the dark like that, with only the glow of the TV, the air felt electric. The boy let his head fall back onto the sofa, tilted his chin until he looked at her from hooded eyes and through messy hair.

Was her heart beating faster? Could he hear it? Kie felt like she could.

“We should totally do something about that,” he said softly and the words fell off of his lips like sugar. Kiara wanted to lick them away.

She took a sharp intake of breath instead, lifted her hand to brush at his hair, swept it away from where it fell over his brows and she swore she saw his chest stop moving, just for a second or two.

“Really?” She drawled, voice soft and curious and it floated between them in the dark, heavy like a suggestion, like a possibility. His eyes were warm on her, dimples on his cheeks and he looked so sincere when he nodded back to her.

“Yeah,” he whispered and Kiara could’ve sworn she felt his words on her lips, “you never really thought about it?” His voice sounded a little smug and the smirk that tugged at the corner of his mouth told the girl that he knew she had.

“About what?” Kie tried to tease but her mouth felt like cotton and her ribs were splintering under the force of her heartbeat. She could hear Sarah complain about needing more cheese from the kitchen, John B’s voice shushing her but, honestly? They might as well have been in Figure Eight.

JJ took a breath and let his fingers graze against Kie’s knee, felt like he needed to say a prayer when her skin broke out into goose bumps, felt the same thing prickle at the nape of his neck. God, the girl was pretty.

“Me,” he muttered, his eyes on her mouth and if he’d looked up at her, the boy would’ve seen that Kie was looking at his lips too, “kissin’ me.”

And well, wasn’t that a loaded fucking gun?

Kie didn’t smile but JJ saw her swallow hard, watched her tongue peek out to lick at her bottom lip and Jesus Christ, she was still looking at him like that. Like she wanted to crawl onto his lap. Like she did last Saturday, wearing his sweater and a smile. 

Kiara turned on the sofa, onto her side so she could rest her cheek on the cushion and look right at the boy. She let a hand curl around his arm, her fingertips grazing the soft skin on the inside of his elbow and Kie watched his hand flex at her touch.

Her curls fell over his shoulder, licking at his skin and JJ felt like he could explode.

“Why don’t you ask me again when we’re both sober?”

pakfiction:

HOME IS WHERE I WANNA BE (BUT I GUESS I’M ALREADY THERE)
CH4. Slow It Down (Come Back To Bed)

“Slow it down, come back to bed
Rest your arms, and rest your legs
Don’t you frown when you’re feelin’ like that
Only love can dig you out of this.”

- Slow It Down by The Lumineers

When Kiara woke up with a start, her foot kicked into the cool sand and there was an empty space beside. His shirt was still there, bundled up as a makeshift pillow but there was no blonde head resting on it.

The island was almost pitch black at night, the white sand turning grey under the moon and the ocean was so black it melted into the sky. It was like they were stuck on a tiny rock in the solar system, floating through darkness and no one knew they were there. A wave thundered onto the surf, too loud in the quiet of night. There were 4 other shapes laying around her, scattered in the sand. John B and Sarah were laying together, the girls head on his chest and Pope was flat out on his back near them. Cleo barely shifted from her spot when Kie stood up, wiped the sand from her skin and went searching for JJ.

She found him near the tree line, his back to the same palm tree he climbed that first day. He was shirtless and his head hung down, tired and drained and a little lost. Even in the dark, she could see blood scuffing at his knuckles and her heart clenched in her chest.

The girl stopped a few feet from him, dug her toes into the sand and softly called to him.

“Jay.”

It was a question, a cry for help, a longing for him.

He looked up at her, not entirely surprised to see her standing there. But she watched him with those soulful eyes and suddenly his chest hurt more than his fists did. He rubbed at the back of his neck, trying to hide how he’d hurt himself and when he saw her eyes water a little, he couldn’t meet them anymore.

He hung his head back down, looked at the sand and how it glittered, like it held the stars and all the gold they never got.

He muttered ‘fuck’ when Kie walked away, the breeze from the sea picking at her curls and playing with them. He watched her retreat, swallowing hard when he noticed the waistband of her shorts were a little looser on her than they were eight days ago. But she didn’t go back to their shelter, she walked to the sea instead, stood in the surf and let the waves lap at her feet.

She sat where the sand was still dry and she waited.

For him.

‘Cause Kiara knew JJ like JJ knew Kie, and she knew not to push. So she brought her knees to her chest, wrapped her arms around them and let the breeze warm her skin.

Kiara didn’t have to wait long and when the clouds on the horizon took away some of the stars and turned tangerine, JJ sat down next to her. Close enough that his bare shoulder brushed hers, close enough she could count the new freckles that appeared by his nose.

It was too close. But that’s what seemed to be their new normal now and honestly, neither of them wanted it to change.

She felt the boy’s breath catch when she lifted her arms and pulled off her top, trying not to think about how she felt his eyes on all the skin she’d just exposed. But it was the same bra she wore when he took her out into the ocean and she knew she was being stupid when she felt her face warm under his gaze.

She soaked the shirt in the water, wrung it out and dropped down to her knees in front of JJ. He didn’t look at her but he spread his legs to let her shuffle into him, gave her his hand before she had to ask.

Kie dabbed at his knuckles and wondered when she became so used to the sight of blood. She watched the white material turn pink and knew she would ask Sarah when she woke to help her scrub it before hanging it on a branch to dry out. She wondered if she’d have to do it again.

The salt water stung at his cut up knuckles and JJ tried not to wince, but he must have flinched ‘cause Kiara’s fingers brushed against his palm, once, twice as she continued to clean him up as gently as she could. He looked up then, watched her concentrate on wiping away pieces of bark and dirt that clung to his cuts.

Her skin was a deeper shade than he’d ever seen it, her nose a little red from napping in the sun beside Pope that afternoon and her curls were falling in her eyes, still wild from sleep.

He brought up his free hand to push them back, trying not to wonder what it meant when she took her bottom lip between her teeth.

“So, what did the tree do to you?”

Her voice was soft and it mixed with the way the water crashed to the shoreline and shit, it warmed JJ’s bones and sat in his chest like a fire just for him.

“It looked at me the wrong way,” he cracked, his smile faltering on his lips ‘cause he finally let his eyes meet the girls and she looked so worried, so tired.

God, they were all so tired.

JJ clenched his jaw before he spoke and he swiped his eyes against his shoulder, not wanting to take his hand away from where Kiara was still gently holding it.

“Uh,” he coughed a little, trying to clear the lump that was suddenly stuck in his throat, “I keep having dreams, y’know?”

Kie looked at him with sad eyes, but she didn’t say anything back, just picked up his other hand and continued cleaning. She waited.

“It’s like, I can just remember that guy coming at you with the knife and then it all goes black,” he felt Kiara still her movements, heard her take a breath in.

“But in my dream, I’m awake and I’m in the sea, but I just can’t move,” he let his words slip out too fast and he frowned, “I can’t fucking move. And I can see John B and everyone telling me to swim and I can’t.”

JJ looked up, looked at Kie through messy, blonde strands and god, his eyes were wide and full of terror. She clutched at his hand, her T-shirt discarded on the sand beside them.

“You’re there,” he told her, voice quiet, “you’re there in the water with me and I can’t move and I can’t speak and you keep telling me you’re too tired.” He sniffed, trying to ignore the tear he accidentally let fall.

“JJ,” Kie’s sounded a little broken and he squeezed his eyes closed at the sound of his name on her lips.

“I keep dreaming that I’m dragging you down with me, Kie, and we’re just sinking and sinking,” his eyes were full of tears now and he tried so hard to keep them at bay but she was crying too and goddamn, it felt a little better now he was talking.

“Sometimes, a hand drags me out,” his jaw tightened and he looked past her, out to the horizon and his eyes went blank, “but it’s my dad and he leaves you behind and he drags me all the way back to the cut,” he paused and swallowed hard, “and I realise you’re at the bottom of the fucking sea, I’ve left my friends behind and my dad didn’t save me at all.”

Kiara dropped his hands just to push her way into his arms instead, crawling into the space he’d left for her between his legs and she flung her body into his chest. She closed her eyes in relief when he pulled her to him, shifting in the sand until she was half on his lap.

The girl let her tears fall onto his shoulder, her face in his neck and breathing in the last scents of home that clung to him. Kie felt his chest hitch with every quiet sob he let out, soothed her hands over his hair and let him hold her back.

‘Cause they were a group of teenagers on an island in the middle of the fucking ocean but Kiara didn’t think she’d ever felt as safe as she did in JJ’s arms.

When she felt the last tear fall from his cheek and into her curls, she turned into him, so her words fell onto his jaw when she spoke.

“You’re safe, JJ.”

“Yeah, cause you saved me,” he interrupted her, voice hoarse.

“How many goddamn times have you put your life on the line for me, huh?” Kiara whispered to him fiercely, her hands around his neck, pulling him into her so her lips brushed at his skin, “for all of us?”

He pulled away to look at her, his hands flexing against her where they lay just above her knee. Before he could answer, Kie spoke again.

“JJ, you’ve grown up with a shit dad, a man who taught you nothing but pain and anger and…” she took in a shaking breath, told herself not to cry, not again, “and you’re the most selfless, loving person I think I’ve ever met.”

She smiled at him, soft and a little watery and she pushed the tips of her fingers into his hair and made sure he looked right at her when she continued.

“The only reason I was able to jump in to save you, is ‘cause you took the hit that was meant for me. And you’ve been hit too many times Jay, I don’t wanna see you hurt anymore so please, please,” she took her hands in her own, brought his curled fists up to her chin and rested her lips on them.

“Please stop hurting yourself. You don’t deserve it and I don’t think I can take it.”

JJ let his forehead drop to Kie’s, mumbled, “m’sorry.”

“You don’t have to say sorry JJ, just please don’t do it again. Come talk to me instead, or John B or Pope or-,” she was stammering, her eyes searching his own for a clue that he understood, that he was really listening to her.

‘Cause sometimes the boy thought with his fists and she couldn’t stand the sight of blood on his skin anymore.

“I’ll come to you,” he said and Kie’s breath caught in her throat, “I’ll come find you. I’ll talk to you.”

And god, wasn’t that an admission of something so much more?

But Kie just nodded, smiled softly and wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him into a hug that he gladly returned. He was warm, like always and his hair tickled at her nose when she buried her face into his neck. They both chose to ignore the goose bumps that danced across her bare back when his hand skimmed the clasp of her bra.

He just held her to him tighter instead.

When the sun started to rise from above the waves out at sea, Kie turned in his arms, settled her back against his bare chest and bit down on her smile when he rested his chin on her head. Together, they watched the sun turn the ocean back to blue and green, watched it wash away the blackness that the night brought and just like that, everything felt a little bit better again.