#just gonna step outside and walk into traffic brb
nothing fucks me up like sam’s willingness to accept rejection, like it couldn’t have been any other way, like it’s what he deserves
demon bobby tells him to lose his number and he doesn’t question it. a fake voicemail from dean tells him he’s a monster that needs to be put down and he doesn’t question it. lucifer tells him he is the only real thing sam will ever know, and he believes him. because it’s all his fault. he left his family, he started the apocalypse, he lost his soul and did terrible things, he let lucifer play him, he failed charlie, he failed kevin, he failed eileen, he failed rowena, and he failed dean, time and time again. and he isn’t clean.
and yet he has faith, he has hope. for the world, his brother, his enemies. just not for himself. he was doomed the moment a demon set foot in his nursery.
he keeps going anyway, because as long as he is more useful to the world alive than dead, then that’s what he’ll remain. he doesn’t matter. everyone else does. he doesn’t matter.
