#just some introspective
The room felt small and cramped, and opening the windows did nothing to relieve the tomb-like stuffiness. Sometimes Daisuke could fool himself into feeling better just with the night breeze blowing through. Unfortunately, it had been getting harder and harder to trick himself lately.
Daisuke leaned out the window and levered himself up, gloved hands finding near-invisible holds in the facade of the building in order to scale it all the way to the roof. Still, even being out in the open air didn’t do enough to calm his overactive mind and restless limbs. He took the linkpearl out of his vest pocket and turned it over in his hands. With the sliver of moon overhead, combined with the vast multitude of stars and the light of the lamps from the street below, Daisuke could easily see through the clear violet crystal. It was so tempting to add its glow to the mix.
But the call would go unanswered again and he knew it. That stark reality shouldn’t have hurt as much as it did each time he reminded himself of it. What had happened moons ago was well past, and a mistake. They both knew it was a mistake, and Oka had proven that he was the stronger of the two of them by severing the continued connection that would never let them move on so long as it existed. It was for the best that it come to an end.
Even Lydia had cautioned Daisuke against the rash actions that teased at him. Kugane wasn’t just dangerous for him; if he gave in to the ridiculous desire to go back just for the possibility of getting to talk to Oka again if only for some kind of closure, there was a strong chance that Daisuke would end up dead. Whoever had put out the hit on the Tachibana would be all too happy to hear of the former assassin’s return to Hingan soil. It would be safer for Daisuke to smash the pearl and stop thinking about taking such a risk just for the sake of trying to talk to someone who was obviously done with him.
Attachments were a risk. Caring about someone else was dangerous and could be used against you. And yet that hadn’t stopped Daisuke from forming an attachment he couldn’t deny and couldn’t remove. The way he felt about that stupid, overly-cheerful Raen had wormed itself into his heart and set up a home there. Sometimes Daisuke really believed that just one more chance to see him was worth the risk of death - that if he didn’t, the feeling in his chest would eat through him from the inside out and leave him dead, regardless.
For one more night, Daisuke resisted. He lowered himself back down to his open window and dropped lightly onto the sill. Maybe in the morning he would take a walk and see if any of the East Aldenard Trading vessels were scheduled to sail anytime soon. Just to see. Just to prove to himself that it was time to stop and turn away.
((the mentioned Oka is @grumpy-limsan-customs-cat ’s!))
