#kataang critical
Aang never asks her if she loves him.
Not once. Not in the forty-nine years they are married, the fifty-four years they spend together.
For everyone who sees them, they might think it’s because it’s already so obvious how she feels about him. It’s all but assumed. It’s what Aang tells himself, after their kids have grown… as he meets Katara’s supportive eyes and finds her smile somewhat lacking, replaced by some unfamiliar, distant… removed grin.
It’s nothing, he says, it’s all in his head.
She’s always been there for him, hasn’t she? Approaching him, affirming all of her time and energy to him, comforting him even at the slightest sign of loneliness?
In those early years, Aang would catch himself wondering if Katara is truly happy… being on his constant beck-and-call, far away from her homeland… raising their children alone in Air Temple Island while he travels with Tenzin. But it’s ridiculous to question anything, right? They never argue about not visiting her homeland; as she knows he cannot stomach most Southern WaterTribe cuisine, or look at dead animal skins for longer than a day. Most of their food is meat. Even the clothes they wear are furs.
Katara understands without even having to bring it up, how most WaterTribe customs cannot be properly practiced by an Airbender. And in the end… she chose him. She chose his culture over hers. She even chose to be with him over the countless opportunities to travel home, to help rebuild her homeland after the war. She was even agreeing to let Zuko’s self-imposed death sentence be carried out, for the sake of Aang’s principles— even after the prince almost took his own life for her. That sacrifice meant nothing.
And it was so beautiful… seeing now nothing else mattered to her, Aang says, not in the grand scheme of things.
Instead she was always there, paying tribute to his Airbending customs just like all the acolytes, because she knew how important these things were to him.
This has to be love, he says.
He remembers Katara even attempting to wear orange-and-yellow acolyte garb, on one occasion… and when she said it felt more like a costume than an outfit… she apologized. Returning to her usual blue, she apologized.
Because she felt like she had failed him in some way, and it was a beautiful moment… Aang holding the tears on his girlfriend’s cheek, reassuring her in his own way that he still loved her.
And their wedding was a traditional Airbending ceremony. The first one in over a century. Katara even reprimanded Sokka after he muttered something about wishing there were at least some seal jerky to honor the WaterTribe side of this marriage… and it was so beautiful, the way Katara defended Aang’s vegetarian diet, reciting the ancient Airbending ways.
Sokka had been way out of line, anyway. They wore the painted marks of the WaterTribe – the ones Bato had given them – so it wasn’t like Katara’s culture was completely written out of the ceremony, was it? Nobody forced her into having an Airbending ceremony. It was what she agreed on. They shared a plate of steamed tofu together. She liked it. She saidshe liked it.
So, why bother addressing her feelings? It’s all there, in her actions.
And it’s all …so beautiful.
There’s no amount of spiritual enlightenment that could measure just how much he loves this woman. Not seeing her for even the smallest moment makes him ache. He only sees her devoted blue eyes, and nothing else. That is enough.
Aang knows better than to invite that poisonous doubt anywhere near his own peace of mind.
This love is real, he says. It is. He doesn’t have to question anything.
Anyway, would he? He’s the Avatar. He knows Katara; he knows what’s good for her. And she knows… he knows that she knows that he would be a wreck without her. It’s a bind only true soulmates can understand.
Aang never asks Katara if she loves him.
Doubt cannot afford to live in such a pure, beautiful place like what they have. It is a poison; a pinch with bite; a drop of ink… tainting, dispersing in a pool of water.
He won’t acknowledge it, he won’t even imagine it.
Aang chooses to remain silent, all those years, refusing to mull over the myriadof ways he might react if he heard her respond with anything other than “Yes.”
When they met, Katara was fourteen.
Zuko had thrown a glance at her that day, she said, like a girl playing dress-up, trying to look like a “big girl” with a shoulder-padded blazer as she stood on the opposing side of that first debate tournament.
The young man looks away, embarrassed at the thought of once seeing Katara as an annoying kid, but before he can apologize, she speaks again.
It was that glance, Katara says, that made her want to prove herself even more during debate team… that made she work so hard to advance her argumentative, diplomatic self by her sophomore year… and finally go head-to-head with this arrogant-looking prick to beat his ass… and there’s nothing to apologize about that.
Zuko grins, saying that it was an honor to get front-row-seats to Katara’s fiery, headstrong confidence with each of her arguments… and that, for the record… he says she should’ve won that last debate– the one about the Guatemalan children seeking asylum in the US.
Katara frowns, remembering how Zuko was so adamant about his case to refuse asylum, to bring those kids back to where they came from… and she finally asks him why.
Did he not care about those kids’ lives, how they’d probably get involved with gang violence if they returned home? At least they would have a better chance in the US, she says… and Zuko sips his tea, gathering his words.
He rasps that, at the time of that debate… he didn’t think it was right to separate families like that, have children fend for themselves in a new country- especially away from their mothers. Katara raises her brows, curiously and sadly, but he speaks again. That was a long time ago, Zuko explains, and he’s understood more about the world since then.
This compels Katara to want to know more, but when Zuko suddenly asks her how she is feeling…. living in DC, having to figure herself out… Katara feels like she’s made a friend for life.
Their schedules are unbelievably busy, but they manage to find time to chat in the minutes before their class, before Zuko meets with his thesis advisor after class, and on occasion… they meet up for a volunteer event, or book talk or guest lecture on campus.
One evening, at the library, while they study for their midterm exams… Zuko asks her what she’s doing after graduation, and Katara looks up, surprised. It’s not like Zuko doesn’t already know she got accepted into law school in DC… but hearing him ask her this? In the quiet space of the library? It’s nice. Like he wants to know more than just the obvious stuff. She smiles, casually saying she’ll visit family for a couple of weeks, and work more hours at the immigration center, and hang out with Suki before she moves to NYC… but the top priority is to find a decent studio apartment for law school.
Katara then asks about his plans, and Zuko looks down at his book for a moment. He says that ever since his divorce with Mai was finalized last summer, he’s been compelled to leave DC altogether. Katara’s brows rise; she knew about Zuko’s divorce, but she’s only beginning to understand what it did to him. The effect comes in pieces. Zuko keeps talking, regardless.
He’s going to take that campaign management job for a city councilman in Boston – the one he had mentioned a few weeks earlier. But the thing is, Zuko says, he hasn’t found time to sell his apartment… and he’s considering renting out the guest room. Zuko asks Katara if she would be interested, as she’d practically have a two-bedroom space at the price of a studio, in DC, and she’d have her own bathroom, too.
Katara blinks.
She considers this, trying not to blush as she imagines Zuko as a roommate, and then he — as if reading her mind — assures that the space will ultimately be hers, because he’ll be staying at his uncle’s house in Boston, only flying to DC on the occasional weekend to recharge. Katara, wondering if she’ll even have time to enjoy a big apartment when she starts law school in the Fall, tells Zuko she’ll think about it and let him know before graduation.
Zuko nods, a small grin visible.
Quietly, they sip their tea and return to studying their notes.
In the weeks ahead, they survive midterm-week and coach each other for their final project: a fifteen-minute presentation on universal healthcare and prison reform. Katara admires his calm, collected nature as he speaks to the class about income-based health insurance, answering the professor’s questions with awkward but refined confidence. Zuko admires that determined voice, that unapologetic presence as Katara explains how sentences should be evaluated for first-time criminals and how more educational resources should be offered.
As they look up their final course grades online, holding their caps and gowns at the student union… Katara beams at the fact that she finally didbeat his ass (“well, aren’t you the big girl now” “shut up”), and it’s only when Zuko treats her to a celebratory breakfast and their favorite cafe that she finally agrees to be his roommate.
Zuko gives her the key that Monday after graduation, and helps her get settled into the new place… which, by the cloudy gray walls, feels much more dreary that what she saw in the initial photos. Katara doesn’t mind, but opens the windows to let some natural light come in. They hardly have time to hang out, because Zuko is off to Boston that Wednesday, and yet he leaves a note in the kitchen: “There’s some vegetables in the fridge that will go bad before I return, so help yourself. FYI there’s a farmer’s market on Saturdays that sells a lot of good things. —Zuko”
It makes Katara instantly smile, and while her initial plan was to just feast on some of her cereal, she instead makes toast and an omelette with Zuko’s produce before heading out for class.
They text each other throughout the weeks, occasionally:
“when does recycling show up again?” “Wednesdays at 6am”
“hey—the mailbox is filling up— did you want me to list what’s yours?” “It’s probably junk- leave it all on my desk and I’ll look it over when I’m back.” “Okay- you got this nice postcard from Bali. Mind if I put it on the fridge?” “Who sent me a postcard?” “Someone named Ursa.” “Oh. Sure.”
“You know… this place could use some plant life…” “knock yourself out.” “You don’t have anything against plants, do you?” “No. Mai wasn’t a plant person, so I just got used to that.” “Do you have any favorites?” “Not really- let me look some up for a sec…” “okay” “The pothos vine seems nice.“ “yeah! That’ll look great for the kitchen.” “We should put it near a window. It needs light.” “Ah, good call. thanks!”
He comes back a handful of times that summer, but Katara barely notices, as she’s been working, volunteering and hanging out with people she met at Law School summer orientation… but she knows Zuko’s been around the apartment by the Tupperware of cooked leftovers in the fridge, labeled specifically for the roommate.
Near the end of summer, Katara finally calls him up:
“Hey. Is something wrong?”
“Nope– I’m just inviting some friends over this Friday for my birthday.”
“It’s your birthday?”
“Yeah! Why do you sound upset?”
“I’m not. I just– I didn’t know it was your birthday.”
“Hah– I probably never told you. Anyway, do you mind if I use the space?”
“It’s your place, Katara. Go ahead. Just don’t trash the place.”
“Do I look like that kind of girl? It’s only going to be six people.”
“Fine. So, am I invited to this party?”
“Zuko, it’s your place, too!”
“I know- I just thought I should ask.”
“Of course you’re invited. You can catch up with Suki… she’ll be there with my brother.”
“…what?”
“Yeah.Since graduation!”
“Wow. Um… how are your feeling about that?”
“I mean— it’s Suki, you know? I’ll just have to get used to it.”
“Yeah. It must be weird, though.”
“Yeah. A little. But I’ll be fine.”
“Okay.”
“Okay.”
“Anyway, I have to prep for this DA meeting… but I’ll see you Friday.”
“Thanks, Zuko. Good luck with the meeting!”
He brings her flowers, and a gift. She wasn’t expecting anything from Zuko — perhaps a card, at most— since after three months, they had barely crossed paths in that apartment.
But he brings her fire-lilies and fancy leather-bound passport and ID holder, encouraging to go apply for that passport and visit all those far-off places she had once talked about with him.
She remembered that particularconversation, too… some time in late July, when they sat in the living room together, playing scrabble to pass the harsh thunderstorm that took the power out and kept them both reluctantly awake:
“Aang was a free-spirit. It wasn’t bad, exactly… but he was always trying to find new places to go for dates…and I was just… there… trying to take everything in, trying to be in the moment. There was never enough time. Aang didn’t seem to worry about that, though. It was always go-go-go. I don’t think he really understood what it was like to set roots, and feel like a part of something. His mind was just… always thinking about the next destination, the next fun thing.”
“So that’s why he’s in the Peace Corps? Because he gets to travel all the time?”
“Yeah. I don’t know. Maybe I wasn’t cut out for that kind of life.”
“You’re making it sound like the breakup was your fault.”
“Well, yeah! Maybe it was! Maybe I got too stuck in my ways, I stopped thinking about being adventurous once in a while. I’ve never even left the country, Zuko– you know that?”
“That’s different from living a nomadic existence.”
“Maybe. I just feel like I kept myself so closed off with these dreams, these plans, wanting to make a difference… that I sort of lost that fun, free-spirited girl I could’vebeen.I didn’t even give her a chance.”
“Katara, having dreams and plans for yourself is not a bad thing. You have plenty of time to see the world. It’s all a question of balance. My uncle talks about that all the time.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. He was one of the most respected litigators in New England… but his entire life turned into phone-calls and paperwork and meetings and courtrooms. It took a toll on his health. He was afraid he wouldn’t live to see fifty… so he took a break. He realized he could do so much more good opening a tea shop in Boston, and take a legal case, here and there. That’s what he does now.”
“That’s amazing. Has he been teaching you to find balance too?”
“Sort of. It wasn’t easy, being married to Mai— she kind of sucked the air of all I could give… but I think I’m finding my way back, figuring out who I really am. There’s still time for me to grow and see the world, and do good things for it.”
“Yeah, I think you are doing good things.”
“So are you.”
By the end of her first Law School semester, now with Zuko’s birthday gift and so much more conversation… Katara is compelled to apply for a Human Rights Legal Summit in São Paulo during her winter break, despite already having plans to fly home for the holidays, despite not even knowing the language and having very little time to apply for a passport.
She gets accepted by the skin of her teeth, thanks to Zuko’s helping her with the passport application, and he drives her to the airport himself.
“I can’t believe I’m leaving the country for three weeks! Alone!”
She clutched her passport holder and Brazil guidebook like her life depended on them, and Zuko smiles.
“You’ll be fine. have fun.”
They hug lightly, awkwardly… but the smiles are very much there.
They say nothing, but Katara eventually mails Zuko a postcard to put on their fridge. When she returns to the apartment before New Years, she’s comes home to nothing, as Zuko is in Boston with his uncle.
She has place to herself, exhausted from traveling and moving so much and finally enjoying the peace… but it does feel strange, without a roommate.
With an hour left before midnight, she impulsively texts Zuko:
“Hey! Just got back a few hours ago.” “Welcome back! How are you celebrating nye?” “Haha, not sure— I’m so tired!” “Make some chamomile.” “Thanks— actually, would it be weird to ask if I used your bathtub tonight to relax?”
It takes a second for him to respond.
“Go ahead. I have bath salts in the bottom left cabinet. And there’s a champagne bottle in the kitchen, if you want to officially toast.” “Awesome- thanks! I won’t make a mess.” “Happy New Year, Katara.” “Happy new year, Zuko!”
Things slowly return to normal…but, not really.
Zuko flies back home the occasional Saturday just to leave for Boston by Sunday afternoon… but then he finds himself choosing to fly in on Fridayafternoons, leaving late on Sunday night… and this becomes more frequent, almost every other weekend.
They rearrange the living room with a bigger and comfier couch, do laundry together, volunteer at the soup kitchen together, sample spreads from the farmers market on Saturdays.
When she brings this up to Suki, Katara can already hear how it sounds, having mentally compiled this case of “no, it’s not like that at all” for weeks on the offchance that someone like Suki, or her brother, or anyone else might ask.
Instead, Suki asks her something else, via text.
“Do you wish he were around more?”
And Katara doesn’t know what to say to that.
Actually,she does.
But there’s a sour, heavy feeling in her chest from the idea that Zuko might not feel the same, if at all, about it.
Katara doesn’t think too much about these extendedweekends, but one early morning, studying in the living room with a cup of tea… Zuko walks into the apartment after a run.
His hair is damp, clinging to his neck, his t-shirt practically transparent from sweat. He’s breathing heavily from running up the stairs.
As he takes off his shoes, he says “you’re up?” And Katara almost forgets how to speak but manages “Y-yeah. Studying for L1 exams.”
Zuko says nothing, just grabbing some water from the fridge faucet and drinking, going through some mail on the counter. Katara studies the bobbing of Zuko’s throat as he gulps, the sweat trickling at the temple. She’s fixated on his face so deeply, her whole body winces when his eyes catch her staring.
She returns to her book, but she can still feel the weight of his eyes on her.
“Are you okay?” He rasps, concerned, without a single hint of annoyance.
“Yeah! Yeah— you’re distracting me, that’s all.”
“I’m just standing here. Anyway you’re not usually up this early.”
“Oh so now I’m supposed to give you a heads up if I decide to wake up at the crack of dawn, like you?”
“If it means I don’t have to be self-conscious about how gross I look in the mornings, yeah. A heads-up would be nice, Princess”
“I never said you looked gross, you idiot.”
“What is it then? What’s with that look you gave me?”
“It’s nothing!”
Zuko stares at her for a moment, as if waiting for another shoe to drop. Katara crosses her arms, looking away from her book, away from him.
His jaw clenches as he looks at his water.
“Am I… really making you uncomfortable being here?”
“No. I just… I really need to study.”
Zuko frowns, as if to nothing. He moves some damp hair away from his face, and takes his water glass with a shy smile on his face.
“Fine. Then, good luck.”
She hears his bedroom door close, and Katara groans, sinking her head to her hands. For a few minute she pretends like it’s fine, but then she hears Zuko’s shower-head turn on, and Katara closes the textbook in one quick shove to head to her own room. She puts on her AirPods and goes to her “Studying” playlist on Spotify, but it does nothing to hinder her imagination. Thirty minutes later, when she comes out to grab cereal, Zuko is nowhere to be seen, but she reads a note on the kitchen table:
“Out running errands. Didn’t want to make things awkward, but I think we should talk about the roommate situation. Text me when you’re free.”
Katara’s mouth parts, and she immediately goes to her phone. She calls him.
“Hey.”
“Hi.”
“So, is it okay to talk?”
“Yeah. Zuko… I’m sorry about how I acted. I was being a brat, and you deserve to live comfortably in your own space. I promise I won’t act that way again, but… if you prefer that I move out at the end of the lease, I’ll understand.”
“Katara– you don’t have to move.”
“Well, maybe I do.”
“What’s the matter?”
“Zuko, I… like you.”
“Wh–what? Are you serious!?”
“Yes! Why the hell would I make that up?!”
“I don’t know… you’ve been acting so weird around me lately.”
“Ugh– I didn’t know how to tell you without making it weird! So, if this means I should move out, I’ll understand.”
“Katara, I don’t want you to move out.”
“You don’t?”
“No. I like you, too. I like you so much.”
“What? Are– are you sure?”
“Katara— I was about to leave you alone for the rest of the year.”
“Stop it.”
“Just having you as a friend felt like such an honor, and I didn’t want to impose anything.”
“Oh my god- Zuko, you were about to give up?”
“Well, it’s been a crazy six months of me trying to get you to notice. It wasn’t without a fight.”
“Zuko— I think I didnotice.”
“You’re kidding me.”
“Hey!How was I supposed to know you were acting so nice because we were roommates, or because…?”
“Katara— you seriously think I’d reschedule a whole day of meetings and catch a Friday flight for a roommate’s birthday party? A roommate I barely even see?”
“Hahaha. Oh God, I’m such an idiot.”
“No—Me too. I had no idea you were thinking about me that way.”
“Well I was! And it was torture seeing you around the apartment so much this past month, talking to you… You have no idea what that did to me.”
“I know what you mean. I thought about you all the time, Katara.”
“Okay— that’s enough. Get back here, so we can face each other like realgrown ups.”
“Haha. I’ll be back in an hour– just finishing laundry.”
“Wait— I have to do laundry too. Let me just meet you there, okay?”
“Okay.”
And it’s not a minute before she walks into the door, the sound of coin driers vibrating the space, that Katara drops her laundry bag and hugs Zuko in the way she had always wanted to hug him… for as long as she could remember.
He holds her tightly, chuckling against her shoulder.
When they part, their mouths just find each other, and they kiss sweetly, like old friends… but then they kiss again, slowly… not wanting to let go, not caring about the random laundromat folks bearing witness to these two roommates’ hearts jumping out of their chests.
They talk while Katara starts her load, they talk while Zuko folds his.
As they walk the short walk back to their apartment, carrying their duffle bags of clothes, holding hands… Katara leans her head to Zuko’s shoulder. She can feel the grin on his lips as he boldly plants a kiss to her hair, and she smiles.
And that’s how it starts.
***
Weeks later, as they’re watching TV together on a Friday night, Zuko leans in and tells Katara that DC doesn’t feel so intimidating to him, anymore… and he’s thought about putting his political consulting work to better use to the non-profit sector here.
Katara asks if this means she’ll have a full-time roommate from now on.
Zuko laughs, asking if she would mind seeing more of him, while she finishes law school. She smiles, finding his hand, saying no, she absolutely would not mind seeing more of him at all.
It brings a boyish snort and a tender smile to Zuko’s face, and Katara laughs because she can’t wait any longer to bring her face to his. He kisses her back, holding her face with his hands and they both let the buzz of the TV fade into background noise.
And it’s almost as if, from one morning to the next… the guest room becomes a guest room again, its bathroom, untouched and pristine.
And the bathtub now becomes very much appreciated — especially on Fridays, when the two of them come home after long, stressful work weeks and agree to take the night easy.
They repaint the living room a welcoming soft-canary yellow that brightens up the place. There’s a small argument about curtains, but they settle for a laced egg-shell white to match.
They make chamomile tea in the evenings, sometimes to pass the quiet times before bed, laughing about something they heard at work, something they read about on their lunch breaks. They make their lunches together, the paper note and flower appearing occasionally with the lunch on days they have a big meeting, a presentation… wishing them good luck.
They mount framed pictures of family and friends on their corridor walls, a couple of pictures highlighting trips they’ve taken to NYC, Virginia Beach… Montreal …Barcelona… Bali.
A more casual photo - a selfie of them lounging at a cafe terrace, back when they were still just college classmates - now sits on his bedside, her office cubicle. In the picture, Zuko is only grinning, but they agree it’s hard to ignore the blush on his cheeks.
And, years later…as their hands feel the tiny little heart-bumps coming from her protruding belly… Katara can’t help but admit to Zuko that she actually didn’t take the selfie that day for the sunset. It was all thanks to a curiosity, she says, an emotional tuggingfrom the chest that made a girl wonder if the boy would smile in a picture of them together.
On this April Fool’s…
Let’s acknowledge the fools who declare that Kataang “won” just because these characters married and had kids together.
…the fools who don’t bat an eye as they notice elderly Katara living a reclusive, quiet, practically purposeless existence in the South Pole…
…who don’t question Katara’s lack of contribution to the world (outside of being the Avatar’s wife, an on-call healer, and just-in-case-you-wondered-if she-ever-overcame-her-Bloodbending-trauma-oh-hmm-I-guess-not attempting to cease the practice of Bloodbending)…
…who turn a deaf ear to Katara and Aang’s said kids talking about how, as middle-aged adults, they stillfeel emotionally and culturally divided as a family.
Sure. In canon, Kataang won… but what did that win, exactly?
When they met, Katara was fourteen.
She had just finished 8th grade that summer, and was mentally preparing herself for high school and her dreams of working in human rights and immigration law, babysitting on the side to make a little extra money for law school. Sokka had mentioned this wealthy, elderly gay couple that moved into the mansion at the edge of town, and they were looking for a baby-sitter for their quiet homesick little boy – mostly for the company, Sokka says, not so much the babysitting. The couple is paying a lot of money for the gig, so Katara shrugs and takes up on the offer.
When she meets Aang, she’s perplexed that he’s actually notas young as she imagined… not like what Sokka had described him to be.
Aang was twelve years old. He loved recess and playing with his dog Appa and his cat Momo, and Katara was there, babysitting him, three times a week during the day and becoming his first friend in that new town, before he starts 7th grade. They go on a lot of field trips together, volunteering at animal shelters, community soccer games, frisbee at the beach… and they have fun together… and it’’s so weird that this kid is technically someone Katara was hired to look after. Katara sees how Aang’s elderly gay dads, Roku and Gyatso, definitely dote on this kid like a child, despite how he’s old enough to take care of himself — but Katara grows fond of Aang’s fun-loving nature. Yes, he is a kid… someone so young at heart but with that otherworldly wisdom of an old soul.
By the end of that summer, Katara and Aang hold hands, and they share their first kiss. It’s weird for Sokka to walk into, since this was a kid his mature, motherly sister was babysitting… what Sokka calls “oogies”… but Katara doesn’t care.
They officially start dating when Katara enters her freshman year of HS and Aang is that 7th grader latching into carefree childhood antics. He makes more friends on his own in middle school, feeling more confident as the “new kid” in town after Katara gave him an entire summer of friendship. In high school, Katara focuses on her studies and brushes off the affection she gets from a few high school boys… Haru, Jet… boys who’re not exactly unattractive and who definitely give her attention every teenage girl wants. Instead, she can only think about Aang… how is he? Is he making new friends? Do the teachers like him? Are any kids bullying him because he’s vegetarian?
It’s weird. She’s never had a real boyfriend before, but the feelings for Aang are very much there, and Katara doesn’t mind meeting Aang after school to play with his own friends. When Aang starts playing soccer, and joins the middle-school jazz band, Katara is always there cheering for him, videotaping his performances. Two years later… when she kisses Aang’s cheek at his middle-school graduation ceremony, and Aang’s teachers say to her “how she must be so proud of her little brother…” Katara doesn’t care.
Katara is very much the committed girlfriend, and feeling Aang’s hand holding hers is enough to let her know he would do exactly the same.
Katara and Aang spend another perfect summer together…. walking along the beach, stargazing at night, taking hikes on the nearby forest preserves. and Katara works around her first official summer job as a lifeguard, trying not to gettoo distracted by Aang’s antics with his middle-school friends at the pool. It’s weird, having to be authoritative and assertive in front of her own boyfriend… and seeing Aang react jokingly – sometimes dismissively, sometimes appallingly – by her voice of discipline… but Katara doesn’t pay any mind to it.
By the time she starts her junior year of high school, Katara is on the varsity swim team, member of debate team and studying for SATs and Aang is the freshman “golden-boy…” just enjoying life, making more friends and going off to do fun things with them on the weekends. While Katara needs to study and look at colleges, Aang always asks her to join in on his antics. Although it does affect Katara’s focus and her grades slightly, she doesn’t mind, and she pretends to not be annoyed by Aang’s natural knack for stellar grades but less-than-impressive work ethic.
Anyway, they’re joint at the hip, dubbed the “it couple” by faculty and students alike… although more than once, Katara has had to correct people that “um, yeah I’m actually more than just Aang’s girlfriend, thanks.”
When he starts sophomore year, Aang’s wealthy gay dads celebrate his sweet- sixteen with a new car, now that he’s old enough to drive… and Aang loves taking his girlfriend places on his fashionable set of wheels. Katara rolls her eyes about it, but she has to admit, she kind of likes being pampered by Aang’s spoiled upbringing, entering fancy restaurants for dates with his entitlement.
As a sophomore, Aang is a star soccer player and jazz band flautist while Katara is a senior, student council treasurer, captain of debate team, captain of the swim team and getting ready for college. She applies to her dream school in Washington DC and Aang support this, despite being it so far away and promising he’ll follow her there when he finishes high school. Katara asks Aang to her senior prom, and of course he accepts and they dance the night away as the “it couple” they are, their peers circling around them in awe and clapping along as they dance perfectly-choreographed routines. It’s magical. They later sneak off into Aang’s mansion that night, and lose their virginities there, in Aang’s childhood room. It’s strange for Katara… being among Aang’s stuffed animals and soccer trophies and movie posters, and realizing how much this body in front of her is no longer the kid she once babysat… but that of a young man. For Aang, seeing Katara’s body is like a dream; he’s nervous but giddy at the fact that she’s become more womanly from when he’d first had a crush on her.
Their night together is sweet, quiet… slightly awkward… and while Aang holds her tightly like a belt in his peaceful slumber, Katara doesn’t sleep at all that night. Because she is smiling. She is in love.
She knows now: This is how it feels to find a soulmate.
Katara does get accepted into her dream school, but makes that last-minute bold choice to enroll in a local community college instead… to avoid a long-distant relationship with her true love as he finishes high school.
While Aang starts his junior year and effortlessly is acing his exams… being voted class president and class clown, winning varsity soccer games…. Katara goes to community college, volunteers at a homeless shelter and works part-time at a health clinic. For the next two years, things seem okay, despite only being able to see each other after-school, after-work, on the weekends.
Aang asks her to his senior prom, and of course Katara accepts.
Only this time… their dance feels a lot less “it couple”y… more like an adult-chaperone-awkwardly-dancing-with-the-golden-boy-student. It’s weird.
Aang is smiling happily, obliviously, but Katara tries to ignore the look on Principal Iroh, that look of disappointment. She tries to ignore the looks on Aang’s female classmates… their annoyed eyes, their pursed lips.
And she fully averts her eyes from the faces of her old teachers… Tyro, Pakku, Yugoda, Jiang… how by their looks, they seem to feel sorry for her, how their frowns silently ask “Why are you here?” “We saw your determination, your passion, your drive; what happened to them?”
“Where did your ambition go?”
Nevertheless, Aang is crowned Prom King, he gets his prom photo with Katara, and once again they spend prom night together… this time, in Katara’s studio apartment. It’s less quiet than the first time, because it’s now been two years of Aang sneaking out of his place to spend regular nights with Katara in that bed, their bodies now accustomed to each other. Aang can’t help but feel like a true king that night… and Katara, well… shetries to feel like a queen, but it’s hard.
She fights that sting of feeling like a trophy– a peasant girl, next to this supposed king…her body desperately hanging onto something she believes still exists… something that isn’t slipping away.
Aang holds Katara as he sleeps peacefully, but she doesn’t sleep. She just stares at the ceiling, ignoring the tears streaming down her cheeks.
Since they still managed to make it through those last two years and Aang also got into Katara’s dream school in Washington DC… she is hoping this means she can finally transfer there with Aang. They can officially start a life together, like grownups do.
So when Katara notices how indecisive Aang is about what he wants to study (philosophy? physical education? humanities? animal sciences?) and how some of his soccer friends are joining the Peace Corps to travel the world before officially starting college… and how Roku and Gyatso are financially going to support that idea… Katara doesn’t know what to say. So Aang speaks more. It would be another two years, he says, but it would be amazing if Katara could join him… and they could travel the world together: “I mean, it can’t be that hard to put a temporary halt on your college studies, right? All those classes you took were just GenEds, anyway.”
Katara says nothing, still. She just looks at him. At Aang. This person she had practically grown up with… the person she thought completely understood her… and how much she wanted to study in Washington DC, be at the center for change, and fight for immigration and human rights law. Who was this person, staring back at her with those big, doting, silver eyes?
She finally speaks. She speaks loudly.
Katara says how, for two years, she was “waiting for him” in a local college she didn’t even want to go to, just so they could have quality time… assuming they’d eventually attend the same college and start their life together as young world changers, like they always talked about. She says how it’s now very clear he is still a kid, thinking about his needs and only considering hers if it benefits his own, still assuming she’ll go with what he wants… support what he decides.
She tells him all of this, and asks Aang, once again, to come to Washington DC with her, like he had once supported. But Aang gets upset; he says he’s not ready to settle down in one place… that he wants to experience the world as a nomad for a little while. Katara lowers her eyes, because it’s clear they are no longer on the same page.
When Aang tells her he loves her, it comes out in that desperate, boyish sound of a child wanting to hold onto his favorite toy. Katara fights that urge to give Aang the same, almost automatic response she’d always given him all those years, ever since that first prom night they spent together.
“I’m sorry, Aang.”
Katara closes her eyes, tears falling quietly down her cheeks. This can’t be a soulmate, she thinks, this person who doesn’t see all of her. She sees her friend, though, and it makes her truth come out more painfully than she could imagine. Aang says nothing, and leaves with a weep in his voice.
They spend that summer apart. Katara mails him back his things.
He doesn’t speak to her, or write to her all throughout that summer… and while Katara catches herself remembering certain things, like the way his laugh would always make her smile… she doesn’t write to him, either. She can imagine how much this breakup hurts Aang, too. Because he thought she was hissoulmate, too… and this must all feel like a betrayal. Katara knows this is hard for him, trying to see his ex-girlfriend as just a friend, trying to seethat as enough… so this quiet distance is probably for the best.
It’s devastating to think Aang is no longer a part of her regular life the way he had been those last six years… and Katara cries so many nights that summer while she packs up to leave for Washington DC, alone, feeling like a third of her young life has just vanished.
When she moves in to her residence hall, Katara is a little reserved, but she does get to know her roommate Suki, and eventually makes more friends. She joins a few pre-law study groups and volunteers at an immigration center, and does go on the occasional college party, the occasional date.
Some of the college boys do get a second and third date, and one lucky guy gets to share his bed with her for a couple months… but eventually things fade, and Katara persists with her studies.
By the end of her first year as a transfer student, Katara feels at home in DC, remembering why she is there, embracing who she is. That summer. before her final year, she believes she is headed to a spectacular graduation… interning at a public defendant’s office, working part-time at the immigration center, applying to law schools. She’s single, but she has plenty of time for love, so she doesn’t worry about that.
It isn’t until the first day of that final spring semester… when she proudly walks into the graduate-level Human Rights Law and Justice class she fought so hard with her advisor to get into… that she notices a graduate student reading quietly, sitting right across from her at the table. A young man and a scar that she’d seen one too many times when her passionate, headstrong self went up against his assertive, superior, oftentimes smug persona in debate tournaments between their rivaling high-schools.
She studies his face, now – how, despite its seriousness, it no longer looks as angry or smug as it once did. How there’s a softness to his brow, a kindness to his eyes.
Zuko feels the weight of someone staring at him, and looks up to see who it is, and blinks.
He recognizes her. He certainlyremembers her.
In that small distance, while other students filter in and find seats at the same round table, Katara and Zuko say nothing. But oh, the smiles they exchange? It’s enough for them to know that this semester will be very, veryinteresting.
But seriously.
Imagine that small, barely-readable moment of disappointment that must’ve passed through Aang and Katara, when they realized that their firstborn child… born from a prodigious air -bending Avatar and the most powerful water-bender to exist in a century… was a non-bender.
Knowing Katara, she would’ve just breathed deeply and held that child even more tightly and lovingly, accepting the little boy as is.
But Aang?
Aang must’ve thought the Spirit World was taunting him. No doubt he would be devastated, thinking that bringing air-benders back into the world would be a lot trickier than he thought. That guilt he once felt about running away from his people would come crawling back under his skin, all over again.
Katara would comfort Aang, as she always does.
He would be adamant, saying that no, Bumi has to be an air-bender! He has to be. He just needs some time! Aang would double-down. He would make sure to give Bumi the same air-bending spirituality and influence to hopefully trigger the boy’s air-bending gift. As soon as Bumi were weaned, Aang would take him to visit all of the Air Temples for weeks at a time, and Katara would oblige, staying behind in Republic City to work diligently on behalf of the Avatar.
But there’s only so much time that Aang can be away, because Republic City needs him. So, Aang would build a fifth temple just off the coast of the city: Air Temple Island. It would be Aang and Katara’s permanent home base, bringing as much influence of air culture as he can… with air bison and air acolytes to give Bumi all of this immersion in his first few years of life.
Katara doesn’t protest any of these changes, despite not having much say in them; she doesn’t reject all of the young pretty female acolytes suddenly living in their home, spending time with their son, her husband… because Katara knows it’s for the best. She knows how desperate Aang is to have their son be an air-bender. She still gets to know Bumi regardless of his lack of bending, still finds herself laughing with him, teaching him things whenever the acolytes can give her some quality time with her son. In secret, Katara also tries to connect with Bumi with water-bending… wondering if, just maybe… but that, too, becomes a fruitless search.
But actually, no– she notices how Bumi loves the water anyway. She notices how he loves going out into the water near the island, his hands paddling the water-bent boogie board she makes for him. She wonders if it would be a good idea to visit the Southern Water Tribe regularly in the future, to see if Bumi can connect with that part of his identity… or perhaps visit the Fire Nation to immerse the boy with Fire Lord Zuko’s naval ships, to see if he might someday be a naval commander.
She brings this idea up to Aang, hopeful that he would like this idea, too. Aang smiles, but he lowers his head in the way that looks defeated, beaten.
Katara would comfort Aang, as she always does.
Five years pass, and Bumi has visited the Southern Water Tribe and the Fire Nation multiple times. He has grown to enjoy the water, despite not being a water bender. No, he is still not showing any signs of air-bending. Aang is sad, but still tries to connect with this child. It doesn’t come easily, since he knows nothing else… since he was raised by air-benders, who laughedat the idea of gravity all the time.
Aang becomes more emotionally removed, feeling like a fraud parent in front of this child, and finds himself telling Katara how she’s always been great with kids, how she practically raised Sokka, another non-bender... hears himself making so many excuses to not be around Bumi.
Katara would comfort Aang, as she always does.
He spends most of his time alone, meditating, traveling to the Spirit World to find an explanation as to why. Why would the Spirits give him a non-air-bending child in the midst of an extinct air-nation? Months pass by, and no answer is found, and despite being among his air-bison and acolyte kin on Air Temple Island, Aang feels so empty. Hopeless. Alone.
Aang runs off to find solace in the other air temples and acolytes, focusing his energy on bringing back his culture with his most devoted followers, once again leaving Katara to speak on behalf of her husband whenever Republic City asks about Avatar Aang’s absence. She says he will return soon.
He doesn’t come back for a year.
His relationship with Bumi would suffer. His relationship with Katara would strain. Despite her emotional distance from Aang, and his neglect to their child, Katara remains devoted to the Avatar (and her husband, for better or worse) so she stays on Air Temple Island raising their son until his return.
It’s not until she writes to him in the temples: Don’t worry, Sweetie, we’ll make an air-bender sooner or later. Just come home, please… that Aang is finally compelled to return to Air Temple Island to try again for another kid. He has a good feeling about it, too, considering that this second child would be born and fully-immersed in Air Temple Island.
Imagine the surprise, then. How… in spite of all of that air culture… their second child is born to be a water-bender.
Katara is beside herself with joy, and Aang smiles, seeing this sweet little girl who shares her mother’s eyes… but he cannot hide his disappointment. Katara sees it, too, and she fights that bitter, stingingfeeling of guilt in her stomach as she gradually builds a connection with her own daughter.
Aang, you’re a water-bender too, remember? she encourages, and that little fact brings some light in Aang’s disappointed eyes, and he spends time with his daughter, building a connection through his natural water-bending skills.
But still… that is not enough, and Katara knows.
She sees it in the way Aang’s eyes aren’t fully present when he plays with his daughter, his son. As Katara looks at her husband looking at their children playing together, she can tell by his his defeated, weighed-down grin that truly… deep-down… he wishes they were something else.
When Aang packs up to travel again to the air temples, Katara doesn’t protest. When she learns how Aang has been refusing to even mentionBumi or Kya in the other temples, Katara reasons to herself that it must be because of that pain it causes him– that internal shame Aang carries with him as the Last Airbender who cannot bring more of them to the world.
That’s what Katara keeps telling herself, as she continues to raise Bumi and Kya on the island on her own for almost another year.
Thankfully, Aang returns to Air Temple Island, refreshed and fully new. There’s a sense ofhope in the air – now that the Spirits blessed him with a water-bending daughter – that an air-bending child might not be so far away.
And the third time becomes a charm.
When Tenzin is born, Katara is indeed happy, joyful… and also relieved, by the look she sees in Aang’s eyes, discovering that this child’s silver eyes match his. Katara is too preoccupied living this specific kind of joy vicariously through Aang… she forgets to be happy about justhaving this third child. Her child.
And when Aang refuses to let go of this child… refuses to give up Tenzin for his mother to hold him that day he’s born… Katara doesn’t protest.
She brushes off her tears as more happy ones than sad ones, because it’s all she can do to live with this man, now. This man who is also a kid, who is also the Avatar. Who’s already gotten so accustomed to the world bending to his every want and need, there is now no going back. Katara knows.
The world is, of course, rejoiced by the first air-bender born in over a century, and no sooner is Tenzin weaned that Aang takes him all over the world.
Katara remains with the other two children, keeping this emotional hole in the relationship to herself, but downright refusingto give Aang more children, no matter the eagerness he shows about wanting more air-benders. He talks about it publicly, unapologetically… in written and oral documents…. but whenever Aang tries to place a hand on her shoulder, her back… Katara now shrugs it away.
When Aang asks her if she’s okay, it’s in that concerned, wise voice of a monk who knows all. As if this were obviously something to do with her, never about him.
As usual, Katara says she’s fine, but her arms remain folded, her eyes lowered and distant, all but gone.
He never asks Katara if she still loves him; that would be ridiculous. That’s all but assumed; she did marry him, didn’t she? And they had three kids together.
She never asks Aang if he still loves her; that would be ridiculous. She already knows the answer. She’s always known.
No Avatar has ever broken their marriage… according to what Katara has read… and through the stories her Gran Gran always told her, she knows that a marriage is a sacredbond, held for better or worse, before the spirits of Tui and La. Katara looks at her husband, and then their children… still very young, still considered the Avatar’s kin… and she stays. She chooses to.
It’s what she tells herself, on particularly rough days– that she had a choice, and that she made it.
Aang stops trying to touch her, eventually, and when he takes Tenzin on long-term trips to the other air temples, Katara doesn’t protest. Whenever he returns to the island, of course she’s there to greet his arrival, but they now sleep in separate quarters.
When people ask Aang about the possibility of more air-benders after Tenzin, he replies that it’s Katara’s health that is now preventing them from trying for more children, and Katara confirms this with a smile… assuring that Tenzin will be kept safe and protected, with constant vigilance wherever he travels, before he one day has air-bender children of his own.
In public, Katara still smiles. In writing, Katara still praises the Avatar.
When Aang asks her to write a letter to Tenzin for his air-bender legacy book, she obliges quietly, too tired to argue anymore.
In this letter, she explains to Tenzin what got her to fall in love with his wonderful father, and of course shines light on his fun and kid-like way about living, and how she felt lucky enough to stand by and witness his many deeds for the world and the air-nomad culture. Katara is too enveloped in this internalized, shameful resentment that has sat and grown for the man who has become her husband… she doesn’t realize she has failed to remind Tenzin in this letter that he is also part Water Tribe through his amazing mother… a woman who stood by the Avatar when nobody else would, who was his anchor of hope and strength when he had none… who taught herself water-bending and became her own hero while waiting for one to be realized. Katara’s tears stain the parchment of this letter, so much so that she doesn’t notice she didn’t even mention Tenzin’s beautiful siblings, Kya and Bumi, who – while they might not be air-benders – would still love him and be there for him throughout his life.
The photographs of the family are indeed happy, and courteous… rehearsed, and poised… because this, this is the family that must inspirepeople.
Leave it to Katara – the one who always placed others before herself – to always be thinking about that biggerpicture.
After all, what kind of message would it bring to the next generation… a world, still vulnerable by the consequences of war… if they saw the Avatar’s family as unhappy?
“The kiss in the ATLA finale was perfect. It’s what Aang deserved.”
“So… you didn’t think it was necessary to know Katara’s feelings before that happened?”
“Why should I? Aang was a good guy, he loved her, and stayed true to her. It’s Katara’s fault for leading him on since the beginning. How DARE she so much as even look at another guy, when a nice one is standing right there? She should feel lucky to iron Aang’s robes for the rest of his life, after treating him so poorly. Plus, Aang is the Avatar. He saved the world. If Katara didn’t love him by the end, it would practically be a crime.”
Okay. Accept what you want with canon.
But not in a million years can you convince me that our proud WaterTribe girl,
our progressive,
inclusive,
tenacious,
headstrong,
resourceful,
outspoken,
resilient warrior,
-who’s well overdue for some quality self-care and reflection time-
ended up becoming…
*gestures to all of what the post-ATLA comics, her letter to Tenzin in the Avatar Legacy Airbender book, and Legend of Korra gives us of Katara*
…THAT.
It just occurred to me:
In “The Headband” episode, the Headmaster tells Aang to bring in his parents for a meeting. Aang has no idea how to handle this, since he doesn’t have actual parents.
This episode occurred in season 3, after the Gaang had spent a good amount of time together to establish dynamics.
Does Aang know what “parents” means, at this point? If not, I’m sure that’s the first thing Katara or Sokka would’ve explained: The person who gives birth to you, or coddles you, or raises you, or disciplines you as your guardian until you’re old enough to take care of yourself.
With the outcome of what we got in that Headmaster’s Office scene – and the full understanding of how Aang already feels about Katara – and the assumption that Aang himself understood the concept of “parents…” my thought is that the scene building up to the Headmaster’s Office could’ve gone two different ways:
Aang:“Sokka! Katara! I need you to be my Mom and Dad and go to the Headmaster’s office with me for a meeting!”
Katara: “Oh… um…” (blushes) “Are you sure you want me to play your–”
Sokka: “Yeah– I’m not sure how I feel about being married to my–”
Aang: “Guys, please! I need to look like I have real parents.”
Katara:(blushes)“Right, Aang, but how about Sokka goes, as your Dad? I can just–”
Aang:“Oh! Katara– can you make yourself look pregnant? Like the nice lady from the Serpant’s Pass? That way you’ll look old enough to be my mom!”
Katara: “….!”
Sokka: “….?”
OR…
Aang: “Sokka! I need you to be my Dad and go to the Headmaster’s office with me for a meeting!”
Sokka: “No problem– I can wear a fake mustache and be manly. Sweet.”
Katara: “Wait, Aang– maybe it’s better if I come, too. As your mother.”
Aang:(blushes) “…What?”
Sokka:(stunned) “Yeah. … what?”
Katara: “It’ll be more believable this way.”
Aang: “Oh.” (blushes)“That’s okay. I really don’t think–
Katara: “And I can pretend to be pregnant, in case the headmaster doesn’t believe Sokka and I look old enough to be your parents.”
Sokka: “….!”
Aang: “….?”
Katara: “Great! I’ll go get my belly ready.”
So… either Aang was totally fine seeing his crush as his mother, or Katara was totally comfortable seeing her potential boyfriend as not just a child, but as her own son (in front of her brother and an adult stranger, so it’s not exactly discreet…).
Whatever floats their boat, I guess.
One thing that never sits well with me about Katara kissing Aang in the end of ATLA (besides the whole “unfinished conversations about I dunno… Consent… or Aang admitting to putting Katara on a pedestal and that’s why he couldn’t master the Avatar State… or Katara admitting she idolized the Avatar and coddled Aang to the point of an unhealthy attachment and set aside her own needs for his” arguments) is that that ending shot… of Aang as the Hero Getting the Girl He Always Wanted was a vivid, very textbook example of “The Hero gets the Girl” trope.
Now, the trope is fine– it’s been done so many times before and just as frequently as the “Enemies to Lovers” trope, so it’s not the trope that bothers me so much.
It’s just the fact that it was used specifically for Katara.
The thing about this trope is that it tends to make the Girl somewhat of a “shallow” figure by the end of the narrative. It’s as if to say… “oh… NOW you decide that he was worth it? Now, that he saved the world, and proved something of himself? THAT was what it took for you to realize that you actually liked/loved him?”
And I just… never saw Katara present herself in that way, as to be so uncertain of her feelings that she would wait until the very end, all arguments/conflicts aside, to just quietly go to the Hero.
Since the beginning of the show, Katara was mature, intelligent, unapologetically fierce and loyal to her friends, emotionally demonstrative and certain of her moral decisions, and was calm and collected despitebeing under all of that stress with the war.
From Day 1, she focused on the bigger picture of the war and inspired change, and also found room for crushes (Jet) and fantasized about true love (the Fortune Teller) but didn’t let those things distract her. This was a girl who loved her family and friends with her fullest heart, who would fight for them, and would emotionally express what they meant to her because she knew that war was real, that life wasn’t guaranteed to anyone– that people could die at any moment (read: Yue, Jet, the BSS Uni Professor… almost-Aang…).
There was no sense of explanation as to why Katara would suddenly walk away from admitting any of her feelings to Aang (like how Sokka and Suki became close despite the context of the war), especially when she was aware of the stakes involved. She saved Aang’s life, received a kiss from Aang, and was fully aware of the battle he would face with Sozin’s Comet (and how vulnerable Aang would be without the Avatar State)… and yet those things didn’t make her feelings get any more vocal.
To have Katara be a girl with so much certainty all of a sudden turn quiet and unsure about her feelings when it was meant to be a moment of Truth (on Ember Island, of all places) was a very out-of-character moment for her… if and only if it wasn’t meant to express that she deeply truly didn’t see Aang as a love interest and she just didn’t know how to say that without hurting his feelings.
To add salt to the wound, the show creators/writers skipped all of that conversational resolve between these characters… expecting us as the viewers to just “buy into” the idea that Aang and Katara mended any issues they had, somehow, behind-the-scenes after Sozin’s Comet arrived… as if to say that their dynamic is fine… perfect,actually. As if we didn’t need to see any of that character development because it was deemed unnecessary.
It placed Katara’s deep thought process about the whole “how do I feel about Aang” question as something irrelevant, because again, all of that is ‘skipped” in the show finale. All we get is her looks of awe at Aang as the Avatar, and a silent reciprocation of her feelings in the Finale ending shot.
In the span of a few minutes, she is no longer the vocal, fiery, independent, self-aware character we grew to adore.
In the end, Katara just becomes the Girl.
I wanted to test out this claim about Katara and Aang’s relationship not being as one-sided as people say it was, so I created a version of the “Bechdel Test” to use while watching each episode of ATLA… to see if Aang put as much effort in being there for Katara as she did to him.
I now use this prompt for whenever people ask me why ZK came off as the healthier relationship compared to KA in ATLA:
PART I
1) Throughout the series – meaning, the 8-9 months they travel together – how many times do Katara and Aang talk to each other?
2) Of those times, how many are positive and constructive conversations with a non-combative/dismissive outcome?
3) …about Katara’s emotional obstacles, wants or needs?
4) And does the conversation end with a consensual hug or lip-kiss?
PART II
Okay– so, same questions, except now it’s Katara and Zuko, in the span of only 3-4 weeks they travel together after mid-season 3.
What I’m getting at here is that in the entire span of the show, Katara put on 10/10 effort in getting to know Aang, demonstrating that she cared about his needs, but at best, Aang put about 0.5/10 effort in getting to know Katara as a person (meaning, the person outside of what she did for him.)
This comes off as a very one-sided relationship because Aang says and insists to people that he loves her, but doesn’t really show that he wants to help her through her own inner struggles, or listen to her wants/needs. Aang builds this perfect “dream girl” in his mind– so much so, that whenever she gets angry, Aang gets uncomfortable, or flees, or downplays her combativeness.
Katara builds this guarded wall to herself and has to learn to deal with her issues on her own, never approaching Aang for advice the way he does for her. In “The Waterbending Scroll” in season 1 – she doesn’t express to Aang that she was jealous of his gifted skills with waterbending or talk about how it’s okay to be bitter at someone who excels at something you’re passionate about and eventually let that go and continue working hard– Katara instead keeps those feelings to herself, pretends that she doesn’t want to use the scroll again, and then sneaks away to try and learn Waterbending in secret (which puts the team in danger). The same behavior occurs with “Painted Lady” in season 3– Katara doesn’t express to Aang how she believes they should stay in the village to help more, despite whatever schedule Sokka has for them. Instead, she secretly plots ways to extend their stay, then sneaks away at night to help the village on her own in disguise (which puts the team in danger). From the start of the series, to the end of the series, Katara deals with her own inner conflict and feels like she has to sneak away from the group in order to fulfill what she truly wants. Before Zuko shows up, Sokka is the one who seems to understand her needs (and encourages it in episodes like “Imprisoned”) but Aang remains oblivious on how to help or approach Katara in that mature, comforting way. It’s always the other way around.
Compare all of this to Zuko, where it only took 3-4 weeks starting at the “Western Air Temple” for him to show to Katara that he cared about heras a person– not just as the one protecting the Avatar, but about her past trauma and needs. Zuko didn’t have to care about getting on Katara’s good graces; he didn’t have to worry about making friends, if his whole intent was to help Aang/The Avatar with fire-bending. But Zuko still made the effort. Katara dismisses him, pushes him away, yells at him angrily, but Zuko calmly and persistently approaches Katara to show that he’s not the same person who betrayed everyone in BSS, even if it means going to great lengths to help her find peace.
The hug that Katara and Zuko have after she forgives him for that betrayal feels incredibly earned, because it feels like these two characters who had been at odds for the longest time are finally on the same page. Never was Zuko’s goal to “win Katara’s heart” or to idolize her as a “Dream Girl”– Zuko merely wanted to earn his place at the table with the Gaang and prove that he was a loyal friend to Katara, someone who saw her as an equal, a partner. Zuko puts in the effort to face her (with all her rage) and understand her, and she eventually approaches him warmly in the same way when they meet The White Lotus.
To me these were the strong breadcrumbs of a healthy, long-term relationship.
PART III - Take-Aways
So, as someone who’s been a girl all her life with a decent amount of relationship experience (good and bad)… I want to say to all the boys out there relentlessly pursuing the “girl of their dreams:”
-If you truly care about this girl, don’t just assume that the time and affection she gives you (in words, hugs, kisses on the cheek) entitles you to her.
-Don’t just declare to the world that you love her and assume she feels the same. Get to know her as a person, first. Learn what it is that she wants for herself, how she feels about things she is dealing with internally whenever she comes across as “having it all together.”
-Listen to what the girl is saying (not just through words, but also actions and body language) and respond accordingly. If you feel like you don’t know how to listen or respond, do your homework to understand where she is coming from… learn to see her perspective on things so you can be emotionally available to her in a mature open-minded way. This will help for any moment she does feel that she can trust you enough to approach you with her feelings. Listening to her and getting to know her is the best way to realize whether or not you can also be there for her, and it’s best to have that ready before going for a kiss or any indications that you want a relationship with her.
-After all of this… if it’s apparent that she only sees you as a friend, or is confused about her feelings, or just not ready for a relationship for whatever reason… respect that! Don’t pry or push or guilt-trip or threaten her into having a relationship. Love is not about possessiveness, but about selflessness… about meeting the person half-way, about accepting each other and all the baggage that comes with them, the drama they would have to deal with together in the present moment… believing that these feelings are enough to get through it all. (Suki and Sokka are a wonderful example of this, as they were still willing to openly admit their feelings despite the context of the war).
-True love is knowing when to give someone space, and accepting the possibility that in the end, this girl might not feel the same way about you… and you still being okay with that outcome. In the end, if you really love and care about this girl, you will want her to find happiness with someone– even if that someone is not you.
I hope you will find this useful. :D
1) Zuko and Katara’s elements might showcase an “opposites attract” idea, but they’re the same people: both are hot-headed and stubborn and would be at each other’s throats. Katara and Aang carry the “soft boy/head strong girl” dynamic that is more healthy.
Let’s dive into this idea that Katara and Aang compliment each other better based on their natural responses to danger/conflict:
Aang is playful and cheerful where Katara is serious and focused.
Aang is a patient and peaceful soul where Katara is quick to anger.
Aang encourages Katara to reach for the sky, and Katara keeps him grounded.
Okay– so it’s safe to say that whenever one partner is angry/frustrated, the other approaches them in a calm, collected supportive manner… right?
Actually, look closer. These fun-loving, playful and peaceful kid-like traits embedded in Aang’s personality are traits that Katara always had in her– she just needed someone like Aang to remind her that she had them. The focused, serious and disciplined traits of Katara are all traits that Aang should be adopting into his own sense of maturity as he gradually becomes more confident and determined to be The Avatar.
It’s not so much that Katara and Aang compliment each other enough to manage a relationship together, but more that theyinspireeach other to become more complex, beautiful, individual human beings. Romantic potential between them has nothing to do with that.
This “soft boy/head strong girl” idea of Kataang doesn’t even address the way Katara always hides her dark side/emotional issues from Aang in order to be a capable “voice of reason” for him on any given moment, or the fact that Katara is always defending Aang like a mother to a son, chasing him every time he literally or figuratively runs away from problems. The dynamic between them is an imbalance of maturity rather than a balance of character traits.
Which leads me to Zutara’s dynamic; yes, Zuko and Katara are quite hot-headed, stubborn individuals who easily get frustrated when people don’t see things their way. They have been at each other’s throats in the past… but here’s what people forget – they stopped fighting the moment Zuko learned the error of his ways, stood by Katara’s side without judgment when she faced YonRha, and they became an unstoppable well-oiled machine of a duo who understood, respected and trusted each other enough to lay down their lives for the other.
It isn’t to say that Zuko and Katara would never argue or fight again, but the difference here is that their shared maturity, their understanding and mutual respect for one another would keep them at bay to hear each other’s point of view. They have seen the darkest sides to each other and would know how to approach it calmly and collectively. Neither of them would downplay or ignore the other’s anger; they would face each other until the conflict is resolved.
And that’s why Zutara’s dynamic, despite sharing similar character traits, holds a lot more weight and power that Kataang.
2) “Their bond is so epic that not wanting them together is like not wanting Han Solo/Princess Leia to be together.”
Okay, so, I’m not completely disagreeing here.
I do understand that Katara and Aang had a spiritual connection since the beginning (very much like how Hayao Miyazaki sets up two protagonists to have a special, unspoken bond) and the adventures/obstacles they face together make their relationship all the much stronger. I see Katara seeing Aang as the culmination of all of her dreams come true with the revelation that he is the Avatar, and that she brought him back, and I see Aang seeing Katara as the person who not only welcomed him into this second chance to fulfill his destiny, but to also guide him as a voice of reason into this darker war-torn world that he isn’t prepared for. As Bryke once commented, Katara and Aang are the “DNA of the show” and I interpret this as the two of them moving the story forward… taking the initiative to go from plot-point to plot-point to fulfill all the needed tasks (ie. finding Aang bending masters) in order to have Aang become a fully realized Avatar.
My argument here is, why does it have to turn romantic? Why can’t the bond remain as a spiritual, wholesome connection between friends? Even Roku and Toph brought up the idea of friendship being such a powerful bond that it can transcend lifetimes in “The Avatar and the FireLord”… and I think the beauty of Aang and Katara is that it was a powerful friendship that occurred serendipitously and yet perfectly, setting up the entire arc of the ATLA story. To me there is more emotional weight in keeping Katara and Aang as life-long friends rather than making things romantic.
The problem with turning their bond into a romance is that it brings up a lot more issues. Katara is not a nomad like Aang; she would give up her own personal wants/needs to not just be at Aang’s side but traveleverywherewith him as the Avatar’s SO, when we know that she is a girl who prefers setting roots, building connections and helping people for as long as its needed (”Imprisoned” and “The Painted Lady”). She has a strong connection to her family in the SWT and would want to rebuild her home after the war and especially train new water benders. Her SWT culture that greatly values quality family time, a meat-based diet, clothing made by animal skins would also clash with Aang’s personal tastes– he’s not even discreet about how much he doesn’t like SWT food. Furthermore, Aang as the Avatar would have so much responsibility fulfilling his work to the world that he would have a lot of trouble understanding the emotional needs/wants to Katara as a partner– especially since in the show, he’s so accustomed to seeing her be mature enough to handle tough situations calmly and collectively. Aang has even repeatedly avoided, ignored or downright down-played Katara’s angry and aggressive outbursts, so it goes to show that he wouldn’t know how to properly “be there” for her dark moments. Katara has gotten accustomed to setting aside her own emotional headspace to instead nurture/coddle/support Aang. It becomes a very lonely, very unsung existence, carrying that responsibility to be “collected” one in the relationship. It’s easy to determine that this would continue as they’d get older, and Katara would continue to carry that heavy burden of always “being there” for Aang, but not vice versa.
The emotional imbalance in a romance between Katara and Aang would be palpable (and it’s implied in LoK and the comics that they did have problems) especially since healthy relationships are meant to express equality and partnership– where the two people interchangeably give love and support as needed.
So yes, Kataang is indeed an “epic” relationship in the sense of friendship, but turning it into a romance would come at the cost of the individual characters’ wants/needs and development, and the healthy dynamic that they had as friends would suffer.
3) “But… what about Aang?? He’s loved her since the beginning and would be so devastated from Katara’s rejection, he wouldn’t be able to fulfill his duty as the Avat–”
Stop. Just– I’m gonna stop you right there.
It is not Katara’s responsibility to be there for Aang, especially as PR/damage control for the Avatar. She does not owe Aang a relationship just because he harbored strong feelings for her, or because he’s grown to depend on her over time, or because he has this unbelievable power of the Avatar State that he hasn’t learned to control without her influence.
Aang is the one who must grow up, who needs to be the Avatar and understand how to manage this power and sense of duty to the world. On his own.
Aang needs to learn to be enough on his own.
… And while we’re on this topic, it is neverhealthy for someone to be figuratively “stuck” or “trapped” in a relationship just because their partner would be a lost, broken wreck without them.
That is called “codependency,” and that is not okay.
