#lead me

Our way led us to a diner, close to his apartment according to him. I didn’t really comment this information, I wasn’t interested in any further contact. My reaction before was an attitude I learned in time. It was self defense, being able to make clear what I want and what I don’t. I tended to be friendly and cautious in the past, which led to people being rude and abusive towards my kindness. What can I say, being a bitch was way more relaxing than tensing my buttcheeks and be forcefully nice.

To my surprise, the evening was quite fun. I enjoyed his company, even his flat jokes. Maybe the fact that they weren’t funny, made them funny the most. We laughed and one coffee turned into pancakes and milkshakes. The later the hour, the more he opened up. I was still reserved. He began to paint the way he saw me, I was quite astound about the way he saw me.

He explained: “I saw you the moment you entered the bar, your walk, your posture everything radiated some kind of confidence that caught my attention instantly. You were inviting, like this chocolate you see in the showcase of a chocolatier, but you don’t dare to buy..”

His nervousness was written on his face as he spoke, I got the feeling that every word came out with a certain heaviness, hiding a fear… That I wasn’t able to name. Was I so scary? “..

"I don’t know, please don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to come out weird. You are definitely an exceptional woman. I don’t want to chase you off. I just feel the need to explain that I am still here after a quite for me embarrassing evening with all the rejections from your side. I am not a stalker. And not a creep either. I am just charmed by the power of a woman, that beams from every corner, without making her any less feminine, it’s the opposite. It’s bewitching.”

The way others see us, can often be an eye opener. While I just saw myself as a woman that enjoyed herself, he made me way bigger than I’d ever imagine. I couldn’t deny that it was very flattering..

My brow rose as I settled my hazel eyes on his, allowing a light smile tug delicately on the corner of my lips “Well if its reassuring in any way, you aren’t a creeper, but quite good with words.”

Power? Not that I had ever thought of it much but his explanation awakened thoughts that began to tickle in the back of my mind. How would it be to have the power over someone or be the strong one for once…?

Finally making our way out of the diner, we stopped in front of his home. Waiting for a taxi to pass, so I could catch it and get closer to the rest I was seeking. Again he had this nervous expression stretching over his features and causing his forehead to throw lines, while his hands anxiously lift to the sides of his head. I fought hard not to let the smirk that pulsated underneath my lips to expose my amusement about his reaction. Now that I knew that the cause was him being attracted to me. I tried to help.. “Spill, what’s bugging you?” ... Well I was also curious.

And with that said, the words literally burst out of him “Lead me.”

I couldn’t believe myself, that I knew exactly what he meant.

That night I wasn’t aware of the energy I radiated. I just felt after a damn long time myself again. The reason of my restraint towards men, was simply that I reached a phase of my life where I just preferred to enjoy myself without an other experience that could’ve ended up as disappointment. But that night.. Exactly that seemed to be the misinterpreted aphrodisiac I seemed to emit. Women truly never realise how sexy self confidence can be..

I thought my leather skin tight pants and lace blouse would testify “No, I am not interested in your company. I am just here for a good drink.” as I sat at the bar and let my silky dark curls cover one shoulder, waiting for my drink. Unfortunately not everyone wanted to get the message, I hoped I would be sending. Like this one guy…

He was self confident, had charisma and a good taste about drinks. I didn’t mind him taking a seat on the stool next to me starting a random conversation about drinks which he believed gave away more about the person who ordered them than they believed. I silently listened, offered him a smile and focused back on the dark liquid in front of me.

As I said, I was there for me. No one else.

The guy tried again.. And again,  I didn’t give him a chance to start a conversation. Just as I finished my third glass and reached for my pocket, he placed the money in front of me, saying something about  him inviting me thanking for the conversation I didn’t grant him. I took his money and stuffed it into the pocket of his shirt, offering him a gentle smile “Look Sweetheart, I pay for myself.” Turning around, I placed my money on the counter and shift down from the stool. My curvaceous bottom brought perfectly in scene through my high heels as I swayed my hips towards the exit. I didn’t care about anyone in the bar, didn’t notice anyone but my drink, the bartender and the guy that obtrusively fought for my attention.

On my way outside, I didn’t realise that my admirer decided to follow me until I felt a grip on my shoulder. Turning around I began to get mad, I clawed my freshly manicured nails into the fabric of his shirt and pushed him against the door, hazel hues darkening as they meet his. My sugar coated voice, escaping my lips in form of a hiss “I don’t appreciate being stalked. So whatever you had in mind, leave it. And leave me alone. Clear?” He nodded his head, seemingly impressed with one brow cocked he held my scarf up, murmuring “You forgot this.” My fingers instantly let off his shirt and I burst out into laughter, which echoed louder when he joined me. Shaking my head, I apologised. He answered “Well, I had in mind to give you, your scarf but..” He pulled the scarf around his neck and held it briefly against his nose, which caught my attention “… I will obey Ms, I shall keep it then.” I couldn’t help the aftershock of my laughter exposing itself in form of a smirk that curled upon my plump lips “Fair enough, you are allowed to keep it. It suits you.” Taking advantage of the situation it seemed, the guy asked “Now that I heard you voice, I want to hear more. Would you accompany me for a coffee and a small talk?” It wasn’t just the feeling of guilt that I had for pushing him against the door, but he somehow managed to wake my interest enough to wish for his company a little longer… “Why not?”

With that, I farewelled the date with myself and joined a friendly evening with a male… Isn’t it ironic?