#lee dokyeom imagine

Please read this (W.C.Hotel) if this is the first post of this series that you see.
Warnings: Swearing, Mentions of death
Genre: Angst, Hotel Del Luna AU, Choose your own adventure, SVT x Fem! Reader
Staff: Yong (Spirit General Manager) / Jiwoo (Human General Manager) / Soon Bok (Room Manager) / Mun Hee (Front Desk Receptionist) / Shin (Grim Reaper assigned to Waning Crescent)
Word Count: Ending A - 4.4k / Ending B - 4.2k

W.C.Hotel | Seventeen Masterlist|Masterlists

After Mun Hee runs away from me, I’m left to search for someone who can give me the answers that I want to know. In the lobby I search everywhere for Jiwoo, Yong, or Soon Bok but they’re not around. Deeply exhaling, I begin to search the halls for them seeing as I, stupidly, left my only communication device in the garden. The main floor yields no results, forcing me to search the 100 level.

As I near the 160 rooms, Soon Bok’s aggressive instructor voice reaches my ears. I pick up my walking pace and near the room that she’s in. 168.

“The left side of the corner goes UNDER the right side.” Soon Bok demonstrates with her hands. “No, no, under. UNDER.”

I lean against the door frame and, with amusement, watch her get fed up and take the sheet corner from the employee and fold it herself.

“Under.” She repeats the instruction and rises to full height. Picking up her clipboard again, Soon Bok turns on her heels and nearly jumps out of her shoes when she sees me standing in the doorway. “(y/n)!” The other employees in the room shoot into an upright position at the mention of my name.

I wave a hand at them, dismissing them back to the duties at hand. “I don’t need that. Don’t do that again.” I tell the employees, letting a tiny ounce of annoyance slip in to emphasize my distaste for the attention.

“Can I help you with something?” Soon Bok asks without malice and steps closer to me.

“Mmm,” I hum, “What room did you put Dokyeom in?” I ask, tapping her clipboard.

She glances down for a second, “218.”

“How long is here for?” I continue to ask for information.

“9 days.” Soon Bok states simply.

I nod, “Good to know.” Then I glance behind her at the trying-not-to-be-obvious obvious gazes from the employees, “And I think the manual says left over right, Soon Bok.” I say loud enough for the room to hear.

Soon Bok pushes me out of the room, “(y/n), stop it.”

I let out a short laugh and notice the employees in the room stop moving, shocked that their cold CEO can let out a laugh. Some of their eyes even grow large. Others don’t really know how to process the new information. I, on the other hand, enjoy their confusion immensely.

“Hey!” Soon Bok looks over her shoulders at her mannequin employees, “Get this room ready. And it’s UNDER.” She instructs with an underlying threat that they all understand.

With another small push, I’m standing in the hall and Soon Bok closes the door behind her.

“Will you stop messing with my employees, please?” She pleads, readjusting her clipboard against her body. “At least give them a few months before you pull stunts like that.”

“But where’s the fun in that?” I ask, playing innocent.

“You’re going to confuse them and send this hotel into a downward spiral.” Soon Bok explains, walking away from me.

I quickly catch up to her and match pace. “The Gods would never allow that.” I reason. “When I’m gone, they’ll keep this hotel running swimmingly. And instead of hearing my annoying voice, you’ll get to read instructions off of little notecards left ominously on your office desk.” I say with a cold chill.

Soon Bok just blinks blankly at me before nodding her head to the side, “But I won’t be able to joke with anyone.”

“Mun Hee and Yong will still be here.” I remind her.

“Mun Hee doesn’t understand half of my jokes and Yong is really busy with the rest of the hotel.” She says with a sigh.

“Oh.” I’m at a loss for words.

We reach the elevators and Soon Bok presses the ‘up’ button.

“I’m headed to the 800’s, do you want to come with me?” She inquires, watching the number in the little square above the elevator doors decrease.

I shake my head, “No. I have some champagne to finish in the garden.”

“Alright, enjoy your champagne.” Soon Bok smiles warmly at me as the elevator reaches us.

Now, I watch as the number above the elevator doors increases until it stops on 8. Just one less than the amount of days I have to wait for Dokyeom.

~The Ninth Day~

Thunder booms through my ears, lightening cracks across the dark sky, and rain hurtles at the windows of the conference room. I needed a change of scenery for today’s form signing and decided this was a good, quiet place. My fingers drums against the table as I rest my hands on either side of a stack of boring forms with another stack a little further away. I stare at the pen laying on top of the stack in front of me.

Sighing, I pucker my lips and give into my hotel duties. I pick up the pen and start scanning the top paper.

“And if the blah blah blah creates an un-blah blah blah with the blah…” I mutter under my breath. I fight the urge to roll my eyes.

I finally reach the bottom of the page and a small 'x’ next to a blank line tells me that’s where I need to put my signature. Putting the pen to paper, my muscles pull my signature from memory. Two seconds later, I pull the pen away and reveal the signature that I consider retched but other seem to consider beautiful.

Thunder claps again, this time so close that the walls rumble. I sigh and place the signed paper on top on the other signed papers. Then I work on reading the next one, and it’s a stapled packet.

The door opens quietly but I think nothing of it as it’s probably Yong coming to check up on me. But it’s not Yong’s voice I hear.

I hear giggling. A child’s giggling. Children giggling. And pattering footsteps.

“Hi.” A young girl runs up to my right side with a smile.

“What are you doing?” A young boy asks from my left side.

“Yeah, what are you doing?” Another child asks and as I look around, more children crowd around me.

“Hey, give her some room.” Dokyeom’s voice says to the children from the doorway. “Be polite. Remember what we learned.” The children back away a few steps but stay relatively close by.

I raise my head up and meet his eyes. He smiles brightly with his eyes squinty.

“Sorry, they wanted to come and visit.” Dokyeom says sheepishly, “And I couldn’t say no to that.”

I hum with amusement and look down at the children who all smile up at me with bright smiles. “You can come visit me anyti-”

As I lift my head up to Dokyeom’s, a crack of lightening flashes through the room and I’m left alone. Like I’ve always been. They were never here. My brain just created them and my eyes thought…

I sigh and rub my hands over my eyes. I should’ve known it wasn’t real. I wasn’t allowed to interact with his students but that didn’t mean he couldn’t tell me countless stories about them.

Refocusing, I reread the first section of the stapled packet and trudge my way through the rest of it. On the last page, there’s a spot for me to put my signature.

My hand floats just above the paper when the echo of Dokyoem’s hand guiding mine takes over.

'You may have better cursive than most of my students.’ He chuckles, 'But you’ll never have better cursive than me. Let me show you how it’s done.’

I remember the smirk he had on his face when I glared at him. The ghost of his chest pressed against my back grows more prominent and I can feel his warmth as he guides my hands through the loops and straights of the cursive of my name.

'See?’ Dokyeom’s voice whispers, 'Doesn’t that look so much better?’

I look down at the paper and notice I’ve signed my name in the way that Dokyeom showed me. Something I haven’t done since I left him. Running my hands over the dried ink, a smile full of warm memories grows on my face.

I set the pen down on the table and hold the papers in my hands while resting my elbows on the table. Tilting my head side to side, my eyes trace over the ink and after all these years, I think I finally see the beauty in Dokyeom’s version of my signature. There’s a childish vibe tangling with a chic one. Much like his real personality. It’s why he was such a good teacher. Playful with the students and polite with the parents.

Flipping the packet to the first page, I place it on top of the signed pile with one hand while the other picks the pen back up.

As I near the bottom of the final form, somebody actually knocks against the conference room doors.

“Come in.” I say, while signing the form.

“You’re still signing those?” Jiwoo asks, stepping into the room and I set the pen down.

Looking up at him, I smirk, “Actually I just finished.”

Jiwoo nods, impressed, “I actually thought it would’ve taken you longer.”

“You underestimate the magic in these hands.” I raise my hand and wave my fingers at him.

He laughs out loud, “There’s no denying that you have magic.”

“Do you need anything?” I ask, thinking that not much time has passed since he gave me the forms at nightfall.

“Just your presence in the garden.” Jiwoo says calmly.

“It is not…” I trail off, looking around for a clock but of course, I never set one up in here.

Jiwoo pulls out his phone and shows me the time, “Oh, it is.” He smiles warmly and replaces his phone in his pocket.

I push back from the table and walk to the doors. “I guess the storm screwed up my timing.”

“Well, you can’t see the moon so it makes sense that you lost track of time.” Jiwoo comments.

“The moon doesn’t dictate that.” I argue as I reach him at the doors.

He raises his eyebrows like the answer is obvious, “For you, the moon dictates everything. Including your mood.”

I open my mouth to defend myself but Jiwoo speaks before I can even form a word.

“You know it’s true so don’t even argue. Crescent moons you’re in your best moods. Full moons require 2 bottles of champagne and Blue moons require a minimum of 4 bottles.” He lists off the reasons and I have to admit, it is true. The moon reminds me why I’m here and I retaliate by swinging my moods to the different phases.

I sigh and lower my head in defeat, “Alright, you win. Just be prepared for the next Blue moon, I will not be so kind.” I threaten him.

“If you’re still here.” He points out and then nods his head towards the hallway, “He’s waiting for you.”

My head rises and I happily smile, “I’ll be going then.”

Jiwoo waves goodbye and I make my way through the halls. My feet continue to walk me to my garden while my heartbeat beats harder. By the time I’m a few feet away, I can hear and feel my heartbeat in my ears.

“You are a tree. T. R. E. E.” Dokyeom’s voice trails out from the garden. “A really pretty tree.”

I walk in and find Dokeyom facing the tree with his hands clasped behind his back.

“I think that’s the first compliment it’s gotten in its entire life.” I say while holding back a giggle.

But Dokyeom is startled by my 'sudden’ presence and nearly jumps out of his skin.

“AH!” He screams, jumping to face me. With eyes wide and blinking like a deer in headlights, Dokyeom just stares at me.

I cover my mouth with my hands and try so very hard not to laugh.

“Why would you sneak up on me like that!?” He screeches when he’s collected himself.

“I’m sorry.” I stifle out, really trying not to laugh because I should be feeling kind of guilty but… it’s Dokyeom. “I forgot how easily you scare.”

“Has it really been that long?” Dokyeom pouts.

I lower my hands and smile sweetly, “I guess it has.”

Dokyeom instantly wraps me up in a tight hug and my arms instinctively wraps around his waist, resting snugly against his form.

“I’m sorry for making you wait so long.” He whispers into my ear, all traces of his earlier scare gone.

“I’m the one who should be sorry.” I tell him, glancing over at the bare tree.

“No way.” Dokyeom pulls back and holds me by the shoulders at arms length, “You don’t have to be sorry. I guess neither of us have to be sorry.” He realizes with scrunched eyebrows.

I hold his hands that are still at my shoulders reassuringly, “I guess I won’t be sorry if you won’t be sorry.”

He straightens up and nods, “Fine by me.” Dokyeom then walks behind me and wraps his arms around my shoulders, his chin resting on my shoulder. “Though, you did wait a long time.”

“Dokyeom.” I warn him and turn my head to glance at him.

“Just saying.” He mumbles through a pout, then he wonders, “Where did you go?”

“Back here.” I tell him and hang my hands from his arms.

“Just here?” Dokyeom wonders, looking around the garden.

“Just here.” I confirm. “Someone has to run this hotel.”

“Who’s going to run it when you leave?” He asks, giving me a small squeeze.

I shrug, “Whoever the Gods pick.”

“Ah, I see.” Dokyeom says softly.

I tap his arms to release me and begin to walk forward towards the bench. Dokyeom follows but keeps his arms wrapped around me.

“You know that Yong lady?” He asks as we settle onto the bench.

I chuckle, “Yes, I know her.”

“She reminds me of you.” Dokyeom says.

“How so?” I question.

“Well,” He clears his throat, “She’s got this like cool, unbothered aura around her but when you get her talking, I can sense she’s softer and more relaxed. Like you. And, and, I told her a joke once and she laughed but then a guest arrived and it was like someone flipped a switch. She changed her resolve so fast.” He explains.

“This is a hotel.” I remind him, “We have to be on our best behaviors for the guests.”

“We? I never saw you out on the floor though.” Dokyeom comments innocently.

I give him a questioning look.

He readjusts his posture so he’s angled towards me, “In the nine days I was here, I never really saw you out in the hotel helping guests.”

“I, I don’t really do that work.” I stutter. “I’m usually in my office… or here.” I nod towards the tree.

“So then 'they.’” Dokyeom giggles.

“What?” I ask.

“They have to be on their best behaviors for the guests.” He corrects my earlier statement. “Since you’re in your office or here.”

“No, I mean, yes, but I occasionally help guests too.” I defend myself, stumbling over my words a bit.

“Wish I could’ve seen it.” He puckers his lips.

I roll my eyes before saying, “You know what I wish I could’ve seen?”

Dokyeom looks over at me with curiosity, “What?”

“You teaching.” I nod at him with a small smile.

“Why?” He asks, his eyebrows scrunching together.

I shrug, “Why not? You always talked about how much you loved it and you were always going on and on about your students. So I’ve always wanted to see you in your element.”

“You remember all of those?” Dokyeom wonders, “Like all the stories I told you?”

“Maybe not all of them, but a good majority.” I tell him, “I never forgot them.”

“Even with 12 others you didn’t forget them?” He asks, looking at the bare tree.

I smile and link my arm with his, “You’re a little difficult to forget.”

“I am, aren’t I?” Dokyeom looks back with a playful smirk. I laugh at his ability to switch moods so quickly.

Pulling him closer, it’s now my turn to rest my chin on his shoulder. “Will you tell me more?” I ask, batting my eyes at him.

“More stories?” He asks and I nod. “There’s not really much to tell.”

“I still want to know.” I tell him and his shoulders relax while he inhales deeply.

“Alright, let’s see.” Dokyeom grabs my hand and laces his fingers through mine. “I will say that it was a bit difficult after you left.”

“A bit?” I question his wording.

“Okay, extremely.” He corrects himself, “But I couldn’t really show it in front of my young students. I kept teaching though, for a lot of years. When I retired, I think I was the teacher highest number of years at the school. My kids were nagging at me for years to retire because they could take care of me and their mother but I guess I was kind of stubborn.” He chuckles, “Eventually I left the teaching world though.”

“You married?” I ask with relief, “And had kids?”

Dokyeom nods happily, “I did. My relationship with my wife took some years but then the kids came quickly.”

“How many did you have?” I question, pressing his arm tighter into my chest.

“3 kiddos.” He says proudly, “My first son grew up to be a chef. My daughter went on to be a doctor. And my youngest son followed my middle child, he became a doctor.”

“You must’ve been proud. Having children who could support you once you retired.” I sigh happily that his children lived comfortable lives.

“I was. I am.” Dokyeom says and nods. “Though I never understood how my oldest became a chef. He was always so clumsy and then he went on to choose the career with some pretty big and sharp knives.”

“He didn’t every hurt himself, did he?” I ask, suddenly worried for a soul I had only ever seen from a distance.

Dokyeom shakes his head, “A few knicks here and there but no, he was never seriously injured from his job. His silliness did cost him a few bruises though.”

“Oh no.” I breath out but Dokyeom simply laughs.

“Like once, he was playing with my daughter’s daughter and somehow got his feet tangled in her toys and face planted onto the floor.” Dokyeom recalls, “My youngest son gave him shit about it for weeks. The poor kid couldn’t live it down until the next time he clutzed up.”

I let out a breathy chuckle and he continues with stories.

“My daughter was so aggressive towards my oldest sun but she was an absolute protective angel to my youngest son.” He say with a smile. “But my youngest would always try to combat it and protect her from any and all things dangerous. Including her future husband.” Dokyeom suddenly points a figure at me, “And no, I did not tell him to do it.”

I raise my free hand up in the air, “I wasn’t going to ask.” I say with a giggle.

He narrows his eyes at me, “But you were thinking it.”

My eyebrows lift slightly. “Maybe.”

Dokyeom barks out a small laugh and his eyes sparkle with delight. Just like they did back then when I could pull laughter from him like a magician pulls the scarf from his sleeve. With ease.

“Were there any more stories from your teaching?” I ask, “Those were always my favorite.”

“That I do remember.” Dokyeom says and squeezes my hand. “Mmm, let’s see.” He thinks for a couple seconds before telling the story of a school picnic that somehow ended in a large water fight.

I listen in awe and wonder as he retells the tales of his classroom where everything from stuttering presentations to wild test answers were seen. He tells me about how some single parents were super, super nice to him and I have to point out that I’m sure they had some other motive. Dokyeom, of course, doesn’t believe me until I point out that the super, super nice single parents were usually mothers. His face of realization is pure gold and I memorize it in a flash, not wanting to forget it.

From school stories, we move to stories of his household. The quiet years when it was just him and his wife to the chaos of raising three kids. He vividly remembers when his daughter went to her first school dance and how fast his heart was beating because his precious princess was growing up. Dokyeom swears he was not that protective but his sons were telling everyone about his 'over’-protectiveness.

Dokyeom says he did a lot after he retired and his stories certainly prove it. He has stories from his simple life, from his experience with grandchildren, and from the outings he had with his friends as they all aged together.

Throughout all the stories, Dokyeom’s warm smile never fades and I hold onto that warmth, even when the sun’s warmth begins to disappear below the horizon.

“I hope it’s going to be warm.” Dokyeom shivers and presses closer to me.

“It will be.” I say softly. “It’s simply perfect.”

“Do you think any of my students will be there?” He wonders, staring at the chrysanthemums sitting at the base of the bare tree.

I run a hand through his hair, “Maybe. Depends on how many lives the Gods gave them.”

“I hope none of them are there yet.” He wishes, “They all deserved to live many, many lives.”

“I’m sure they lived a great many.” I tell him, “After all, they crossed paths with you.”

“They did, didn’t they?” Dokyeom lets the thought lift his spirits a bit. “Will you walk with me?” He asks, gripping my hand tighter.

“Of course. I will go as far as I can go but I will go with you.” I reassure him.

He nods and we stand up together. With my hand wrapped securely with his, we walk out of the garden. One foot in front of the other and I feel like each step gets heavier and heavier the closer we get.

“You won’t forget, will you?” Dokyeom asks but doesn’t look at me. Instead he looks straight ahead with his head held high.

“Forget what?” I ask, watching his face closely.

“That I have a mole on my left cheek.” He lists off the items he doesn’t want me to forget, “That I’m afraid of lady bugs. That I’m a movie nerd. That you can’t be trusted with the directions because that one time you got us lost for 3 hours. That I still remember the night you tried to surprise me for my birthday but you tripped over your own feet and spoiled it. That I was one of the 13. And that I love you.”

We stop in front of the departures door as he finishes. I turn to him and lift the corners of my lips in a small smile.

“I won’t forget.” I tell him, “And that means you also can’t forget that I love you.”

Dokyeom gives a single curt nod, “I would never.” He grabs the door handle and swings the door open, “Wow, the sun sets fast.” He comments at the darkened sky.

“She’s got places to be.” I joke and step out, “And I like the moon better anyway.”

“Everyone always told me I was like the sun,” Dokyeom says, “But secretly, I always did like the moon better.”

“I do remember you telling me that.” I say as we get closer to Shin and the waiting car.

“February 18th.” Dokyeom blurts out suddenly.

“Your birthday…” I trail off in confusion.

He nods, “That’s the one thing you need to remember. You can forget the others if you can’t remember them but please remember my birthday.”

“I remember all 13 birthdays.” I grab both of his hands in comfort, “I never forget birthdays.”

Dokyeom presses his lips together, “Just, just make sure you eat an apple on my birthday.”

“An appl- why?” I’m taken aback at his request.

“You know,” He looks at me with wide eyes, “Apples are things you give to teachers and I was a teacher so you should eat an apple every year on my birthday. To remember your teacher.”

I glance over at Shin and he also has a look of confusion, though not as obvious as mine. “I-”

Dokyeom giggles, “I was joking.”

My confusion dissipates and a small smile reaches my face. I reach out and cup his cheek in my hand, “I’m going to miss you. You and your jokes.”

He grabs my hand and presses a kiss into my palm, “I’m going to miss you, too.” Dokyeom then pulls me into a tight hug and nuzzles his face into my neck.

I close my eyes and breath in his comforting scent. The one that could always settle whatever storm the Gods had brewed up. The one that would wrap around me on the coldest of days.

All too soon, Dokyeom pulls away and presses a kiss onto my lips. Then he pulls away completely.

“I love you, (y/n).” He says confidently, not caring who may or may not hear.

“I love you, Dokyeom.” I smile and wrap my arms around my waist.

Dokyeom smiles happily and walks to the car. Shin waits until every last bit of him is inside the car before he definitively shuts the door. The car begins to drive away and in the back seat, Dokyeom turns around and waves at me. I raise an arm and wave back, hoping he can’t see the tears filled with sadness that line my eyes.

Only when the car is completely swallowed by the forest fog do I lower my hand and replace it at my waist. It is then that a white chrysanthemum waves its final goodbye before withering away.

I wait at the forest’s edge for a few more minutes and let the tears fall. But the hotel’s glow grows bigger and I know the hotel is in full swing. Which means I have more work to do and more loves to wait for.

Return to the Navigation Page (Waning Crescent Hotel)to choose the next guest.

“What’s the first thing you’re going to do on the other side?” Dokyeom asks, looking towards the setting sun.

I shrug, “I honestly have no idea. What are you going to do?” I throw the question back at him.

“I’m going to try,” He emphasizes 'try,’ “To find you and win you over.”

I giggle, “You might just succeed.”

Dokyeom hops onto his feet, “Then let’s go test this theory.” I stand up next to him and he grabs my hand.

“Not just yet.” I tap the top of his hand with my free hand, “I have to say goodbye to my people first. They’re technically my family.”

“Of course. I always knew they were close to you but I never realized how close.” Dokyeom says thoughtfully.

“It’s hard to know when you didn’t have the whole story.” I tell him with a knowing smile.

We walk hand in hand to the lobby where Yong, Mun Hee, Soon Bok, and Jiwoo stand solemnly.

“So this is it?” Mun Hee asks with tears in his eyes. “This is the day you leave us?”

I wrap him up in a hug, only a tiny bit annoyed that he’s being so sappy. “Maybe I’ll get punished again and be back here by the end of the year.” I try to joke but Mun Hee abruptly pushes back from me.

“Don’t you dare say that. You better not return here.” He says angrily through his tears.

I chuckle, “I won’t come back. I promise.”

Turning to Soon Bok, I thank her for her service and her amazing work. Something I never did and should’ve done more.

Next onto Jiwoo. I also thank him for his and his entire family’s service then I unclip the bracelet that has held him to this place.

“When you leave today, you won’t be able to find this place again.” I inform him, “I hope that you’ll be able to go and live your life happily.”

Jiwoo nods, “Thank you for letting me work with you. I won’t ever forget you.”

I smile sadly, “You will. But thank you.”

Finally I reach Yong who is sniffling and trying so very hard not cry.

“You’d think after all these years of waiting that I’d be prepared for this day.” She says through sniffles.

“Thank you, Yong.” I rests my hands on her shoulders, “For everything. Thank you.”

With lips pursed together, she leans forward and wraps me in an unexpected hug. But I soon wrap my arms around her and squeeze her tightly.

We pull apart after a couple seconds and I wipe the few tears that have escaped from her eyes.

“Keep this hotel running beautifully.” I tell her before Dokyeom grabs my hand again.

With final waves of goodbye, Dokyeom and I walk out to the foggy forest that will take us to our resting place.

At the edge of the forest, Shin stands next to an idling car, a somber look on his face.

“(y/n).” He says when we reach him, “It has been an honor working with you. I wish you both a peaceful rest.” Shin bows his head and I pat his arm.

“The honor was mine.” I tell him with a smile. Now the tears start to line my eyes as the realization fully sets in.

I’m free. I served my years of punishment and now I’m free to let my soul rest.

I turn back towards the hotel and look up to the top where the rooftop patio is outlined with bright string lights. Then to the mid floors where random room lights are turned on, some guests staying in while others opting to experience the hotel’s many services. Then to grand base where guests would be milling around, waiting their turns to leave this world.

“(y/n)?” Dokyeom softly asks pulling my attention to where he sits just inside the car, “Are you ready?”

I take one last quick look at the hotel before turning away from it. “Yeah, I’m ready. Let’s go.”

I lower myself into the car and Shin securely closes the door after I am completely inside. As the car begins to drive forward, Dokyeom securely grabs my hand and I let his warmth guide me towards our final destination.

In the garden, the final chrysanthemum withers and dies so that no more stand at the base of the bare tree.

당신을 사랑할 만큼 용감했으면 좋겠어요. I wish I was brave enough to love you.

Description: The aftermath of a budding relationship that you ended because the life that would’ve followed made your heart cower in fear.
Song Inspiration: Brave Enough - Lindsey Stirling ft. Christina Perri
Warnings: Swearing (?)
Genre: ANGST, Idol!DoKyeom x GenNeut!Reader
Word Count: 2k

SeventeenMasterlist|Masterlists

The excited screams and chatter filled your ears as you slowly made your way through the concert hall. Females with banners and fans with the names and faces of the idol group you had become so close to and then ripped yourself away from. All because you couldn’t muster up the strength to take that one particular (metaphorical) step forward. Because you couldn’t give him the answer the both you wanted to hear so badly.

Stumbling forward as a couple of girls bumped into you, you caught a bit of their excited chatter.

“Ah! I’m so excited!” One said while gripping a fan with Dino’s face on it.

“I can’t wait to finally hear Dokyeom’s vocals LIVE!” The other squealed, “I’ve been waiting YEARS for this!”

The mention of his name made your heart pinch and you started to wonder why you were even here at their concert. But you had to remind yourself that you needed to do this for yourself, so you pushed further into the venue.

As you made your way to your seat in the middle of the large concert stadium, a nervous buzz filled your body. The same buzz had overtaken you when you were standing in front of him for the last time. Your seat was a few rows above the bottom of the section and in front of the section you saw that the stage extended out and you began praying that no one would notice you.

The stadium was filled with excited chatter and you could somewhat make out the instrumentals of their songs playing through the speakers. The screens rotated through selfies of the members from their most recent album and when Dokyeom’s appeared, you looked away as though he’d actually been looking at you.

Girls walked past you to get to their seats, they walked down the stairs, they took their seats all while having the largest smiles on their faces.

Their smiles remind you of the days when you and him would laugh until your cheeks ached. You remembered the time when he promised you that as long as you were next to him, he’d make sure to that you’d always be smiling. Smiling softly to yourself as he played around with the other Seventeen members, loving his energy and playfulness. Remembering how even a terribly blurry candid photo of him could bring a smile to your face in most inappropriate settings - like the lecture on appropriate workplace behavior you were forced to sit through.

It was honestly his smile that pulled you deeper and deeper into him. The brightness, the happiness that he gave you was everything you desired. But his ability to talk to you, talk with you, about every and anything was what hooked you in. The late night conversations that dug deep into your soul while laying on the couch with the static from the TV serving as the soundtrack. The way he comforted you, supported you, and encouraged you to do everything you wanted to. Even when said thing scared you shitless. He was still there.

And the opposite was so very true, too. You were always where he needed you to be. You wanted, you craved, to see him succeed, to seem him accomplish goals. Waiting outside the practice room for him to finish. Opening up your arms when he hadn’t even said a word but you knew he wouldn’t be able to hold himself together for much longer. Giving him little nudges of encouragement when his own courage failed to make itself known. The giggles that passed between the two of you as sat together watching your favorite episodes of Going Seventeen.

Everyday you fell harder and harder, and so did he. You knew he was your person, the one that fit next to you like a seamless stitch. You knew it. And yet, you couldn’t do it.

The lights dimmed and the screens went black. Screams erupted from all sides of you and Caratbongs sprouted like stars in the night. Your heart hammered as their intro VCR pierced through the screams of fans. You followed the actions of others around you and stood to your feet, willing yourself to enjoy the show.

The screams somehow pitched even higher when the first song started and the members started popping up one by one.  Each member getting their ten second solo shot on the screens and when Dokyeom’s face appeared on the screen, your jaw clenched with unintentional worry. Because even through his stage makeup and his expression, you could still see the sadness that lingered behind his eyes. You could see the sleepless nights swimming just behind the eyeshadow that colors his eyelids. You could see the many late night conversations he had with Jeonghan cowering under his concealer. You could see it all in the ten seconds he was on the screen. And then he was gone.

No one would have thought that Lee Dokyeom would have been a man to have the strength to knock down your walls. But he did it. And he did it all in the sweetest of ways. In ways that you didn’t even know he was breaking them down until the walls were nothing but clouds of dust.

He held onto you while you showed him everything you harbored away from the world. The sides that were scarred, bruised, and tattered by experiences that you ran into throughout your life. As the dust swirled around you, Dokyeom was wrapped around you, sturdier than any wall you had ever built.

But then, with the force of a tornado, you pulled yourself away. Ripped yourself from the comfort of him and left him hugging nothing but a ‘what if?’

What if you were it for him? What if he never felt like this again? What if the hardships you would’ve faced would have only made you stronger and your connection shine brighter? What if you truly were never coming back?

What if you had been brave enough to start a relationship with him?

For weeks, if not months, you had tried to convince yourself that you could be brave, that you could overcome anything with Dokyeom at your side. But in the end, you were still so afraid.

Afraid of the obstacles that came with dating such a big superstar. Afraid of the dark nights that would haunt you for years. Afraid of the secrecy that you would have to keep. Afraid of the possibility that you would slip up and cause tremendous damage, not only to Dokyeom but to the other members who had become some of your closest friends. Afraid that your desire for a normal dating life would make him take irregular risks that would get him into big trouble. Afraid of the nights that you would have to spend alone while he would be busy with schedules or tours. Afraid that you would realize too late that this life - his life- wasn’t meant for you. Afraid of how much you would hurt him.

The concert continued on and while everyone in the stadium bought Dokyeom’s mask of excitement and energy, you could easily see that this wasn’t easy on him. He was hurting and you were the cause of it. You knew how you could fix it but you just couldn’t do it. That night you hated yourself for not being brave enough, for making him force a smile even though he wanted to cry an ocean of tears.

The songs played through one by one, and every so often, you’d catch one of the members give Dokyeom a reassuring pat on the back or a tight hand squeeze. Then you realized that while some of the others would go off on their own to greet the fans in the stands, Dokyeom was never alone. One of the members was always by his side. Almost like a crutch.

You swore you could hear your heart shatter into a million pieces knowing you were the reason the usually happy, sturdy, bright, ball of sunshine now needed support just to make sure he wouldn’t fall to his knees. The pieces of your heart scraped down your inside and made your every inch of your skin feel like you were getting pinched everywhere.

As the slower songs of the setlist began, they settled around the outer stage walkways. You held your breath as you saw Dokyeom walking towards your section. But he stopped in front of the section next to you instead. Jun was the member who stopped closer to your section and you forced yourself to focus on him instead of the man who’s heart you broke.

Beginnings of “Without You” (“모자를 눌러 쓰고”) echoed from the speakers and you could feel tears prick at your eyes. They stood in their positions for most of the song, but just before the last chorus, they began to move and Dokyeom walked towards your section.

You cursed under your breath, trying to convince yourself that he wouldn’t notice you. But who were you kidding? Dokyeom would’ve noticed you even if you were in the very back of the concert venue. He would’ve noticed you if you had put on a crappy disguise. Because he always noticed you.

The moment his eyes locked onto yours, both of you felt a sudden wave a calm. Like for a moment, everything was okay. It was alright. Nothing was broken, nothing was shattered. Like the possibility of you together still existed.

You watched him bring his microphone to his lips and your ears tuned into the lyrics as they flowed out of his lips like water you’d been searching the desert for. His eyes shined with a layer of tears but his voice never hitched, something he trained himself to do. But you could hear him straining against the emotions that were begging to be released.

As he sang like he was singing only to you, you felt every word as if they were a piece of sandpaper being forced down your throat.

’어리저리부딪혀아파도 Bumping and hurting’

’관심도없는넌 But you don’t even care’

But you did care. You did. It broke your heart to see him covered with so many pieces of tape just trying to hold everything together. It hurt to know he was hurting as much as you were. You hated yourself that you couldn’t be brave for him and follow him to the next stage of what could have been.

The ending of the song rang out through the vast space but Dokyeom’s eyes remained locked onto yours. His eyes holding so many emotions and thoughts but one stuck out.

The one that was nearly pleading with you to come back to him. To stand in front of him so he could wrap his arms around you. To be the one who wouldn’t have to make him change.

Dokyeom knew that the song had ended and that he needed to gather with the rest of the members in the center of the stage but he didn’t want to. He wanted to stay and talk to you and make things work. But he had a concert to get through and an appearance to keep up.

You watched Dokyeom turn away to gather with the rest of the members as a lone tear fell down your cheek. Realizing this was all you could take, you whispered a small goodbye before running up the stairs and out of the venue. Hating yourself more with every step you took away from him.

“I wish I was brave enough to love you.” You had said to the back you hoped you’d never have to leave behind.

Dokyeom nearly made it to the center stage before his desire glance back at you overtook his self control. He glanced back but you were gone. Searching the seats in your section, he began to wonder if you had really been there at all, or if all the sleepless nights were finally getting to him.

“Come back. Don’t make me change.” He prayed silently before Mingyu wrapped an arm around his shoulder and walked with him the rest of the way to the others.