I grew up in a community where being gay wasn’t ok, but I was also taught that we should still love those who are. I ended up becoming a huge ally. My parents always got annoyed with how ‘into’ the LGBT+ community I was. I always said it was because I believed that if you don’t think something is fair you should fight to change it.
For the longest time I wondered if I liked girls. I remember going to Girl Scout camp, and it was the first time I remember people making fun of someone for being gay. I became great friends with a girl that said she was bi. I remember one night when we shared a tent, I was trying to force myself to ask her how she knew, but I was too scared. Now that I look back on it, I definitely had a crush on her. One time we went backpacking overnight. We shared a very small tent, and even held hands. When I realized that she liked me too, I freaked out and tried to push her and any thought of liking girls, away. I was 12 that summer.
After that, I never allowed myself to really explore the idea of not being straight. At one point I was even bold enough to believe (or at least say that I believed) that Bisexuality wasn’t real. I was still really ‘religious’ at the time and believed that if you were attracted to girls and boys, then you did have a choice. In high school I ended up haveing two really intense ‘BFF’ ‘we Finnish each other sentences’ friendships. I look back and realize that I had huge crushes on them, but at the time they were just my best friends, and luckily for me, it’s seen as normal for girls to be super affectionate and touchy with their best friends.
Once I got into college I still considered myself straight, but I would get this weird feeling when watching videos about people coming out. Something inside my head would say, ‘you should come out’. But that didn’t make since because I didn’t like girls. It wasn’t until I started allowing myself to actually contemplate not being straight did I realize the attraction I had for girls.
One of the biggest people that has been an inspiration for me excepting my bisexuality is RJ, rj4gui4r. I related to his story. Watching his videos is what allowed me to feel comfortable questioning my sexuality in the first place.
When I watched Shane Dawson’s coming out video it all clicked. When he talked about how it would be so much easier if he was gay or straight, because then he would at least know what he was, I felt like someone had finally put how I had been feeling for years, into words. I started crying when he talked about how he had to believe that god still loved him. That’s still my biggest battle.
My relationship with god used to be a gigantic part of my life. Then I slowly started to fall away, mainly because of the way the church feels about the LGBT community. My parents and sister comment on my lack faith a lot. I tell them that I need to find a church that doesn’t condemn homosexuality and they tell me that it isn’t following god if they don’t condemn it. I can’t believe it is wrong. I need to believe that it is ok. That I am ok.
It’s still hard for me to tell people that I’m bi. But not for why you would think. I often wish I could just say I was gay. Because there is so much stigma behind being Bi. It’s just as hard for me to come out to gay people as it is to straight people. I’m not out to my family. They think I’m still just a big ally. I honestly don’t know if I will ever come out to them unless I get in a serious relationship with a girl. Its still really scary, sometimes I wish I would just put it out of my mind and just be straight, but I know that’s not who I am. And I’m working on it. I’m working on accepting myself.
If your still reading this, then thank you. I want people to know that sometimes it isn’t a ‘I knew when I was 10’ situation. Sometimes these things are hidden so deep inside yourself, it might take until your out of high school to come out to just yourself. It might take longer. It’s ok if your story doesn’t look like others, or if it looks exactly the same. It’s still import to share it. So that’s why I shared mine! Thanks for reading!
UPDATE I wrote this about two years ago. I currently perform in a Rocky Horror Cast which has become my chosen family. I am out and proud to everyone I meet, except my family, but that isnt that big of deal because we have a pretty good relationship, but I still dont think I’m ready, which I know is ok. The biggest thing is this past year I walked In the Atlanta Pride parade wearing the Bi-flag as a cape. And I had never felt prouder for being who I am!
Imogen*gets all heart eyes and excited around Nick*
Me: I’m regretting my choices
2.) I hate locker room talk. They way they talk about girls makes me uncomfortable. It’s not that bad though so I’ll give the show that.
3.) OH YES!! PLEASE COME TO THE PARTY CHARLIE!!!
4.) Tao!! Stop being annoying. He’s such a pessimist. Are we ever going to find out why?
5.) the blue filter for the party scene really helps to show how out of place this environment is for Charlie. Nothings bright and sunny, instead it’s fabricated and dull.
6.) Nicks friends are so terrible. Ignore them.
7.) love me some lesbians. Yes Nick!! Talk to terra
8.) Terra and her gf kissing was the best thing ever. I love it. I also love how she addressed her coming out. It’s not a formal thjng, she’s just going to love her gf in public and we love to see it.
9.) The blond girl who likes Nick is going to get her heartbroken and I feel bad for her. She doesn’t know what she’s getting into. It’s so sweet seeing her with her friends but it hurts knowing where this is going.
10.) THAT KISS SCENE WAS PERFECT!!!!! 100/10 will watch again.
11.) aahhh. Nick go deal with them.
12.) idk why Charlie is crying. I’d be smiling and dancing around like an idiot but I guess he’s upset that Nick looked scared. Idk where they’re going with this.
13.) Nick needs new friends. It’s cool that they’re talking it out but they shouldn’t dismiss him like this.
14.) No Charlie left.
15.) of course he calls his dad. I’m glad he did.
16.) OH MY GOSH HE RAN TO HIS HOUSE IN THE RAIN. HE RAN TO HIS HOUSE IN THE RAIN!!!
17.) THATS IT!!!
18.) Backtracking a lot, Toas relationship with Elle and they’re talk helps his character bc his protective nature is due to him not wanting to loose any of his friends and the connections they have with each other. The scene really highlights that and I’m glad they touched on that but also the inevitability of change.
2.) Oh wait, that’s Charlie’s mom??? So that’s his cool sister I’ve been talking about.
3.) Noo. Charlie don’t apologize. You’re fine.
4.) YES NICK SHUT HIM UP WITH A KISS!!
5.) Oh my gosh. Nicks break some is going to make me cry. He’s so sweet. He so scared and that shines through. Discovering your sexually can be frightening and I like how the show that.
6.) Oh no. Not another secret relationship. This going to keep hurting poor Charlie.
7.) The umbrella. So cute.
8.) Oh. My boys running. He’s chasing after him.
9.) THE MUSIC!!! THE KISS IN THE RAIN??!!! I FEEL SO SPOILED!!!! ITS SO PURE!!!
10.) NICKS SMILE AFTER!!!
11.) Imogen he’s not interested in that way. She’s kind funny though. But I love how they show how much Nick loves Charlie by putting him with her.
12.) THESE FUCKING DORKS!!! I LOVE THEM!!! The smiles. The “hi,” aaaahhhgggg. I’m screaming they’re in love.
13.) Now, onto everyone’s favorite lesbians.
14.) The good morning kisses. Bless. Also Elle having good friends.
15.) Do I smell an Elle and Toa romance.
16.) AAHHHHH. PLEASE BE NICK!! PLEASE BE NICK.
17.) AAAHHGG I LOVE THESE BOYS
18.) AAWW THE FLIRTING!! THE HAND HOLDING
19.) I LOVE THIS COMMUNICATION. THE ART TEACHER IS BEST BOI I LOVE HIM.
20.) NO!! NO MR. AJYA BEING A DAD TO CHARLIE
21.) NOO NICK DONT HE NERVOUS YOU’RE A GOOD BOY!!
22.) CHARLIE!!! TACKLE SOMEONE. PRETEND ITS BEN!!
23.) Half expected the teacher to say, “lots of gay people are good at sports, I should know I am one,” but what works works.
24.) Yess. This is what being a part of a team is about. You practice and get better for the team. For the game, the the performance, not just for yourself.
25.) Good for them.
26.) I’m sorry the line, “maybe you’re a lesbian and you have no idea,” is the best thing.
27.) NOO. IMOGEN YOU ARE NOT WITH NICK!! QUIT BEING SO STUPID!!!
28.) GOOD FOR TARAS GIRLFRIEND FOR BEING A GOOD GIRL.
29.) oh shit. They threw oh shit they threw something at Tao. Shits about to go down.
30.) Oh shit. He hit Nick. This is a test of character. Nick didn’t take the bait. He kept his cool. Nice.
31.) I love Darcy. What a queen. I love her. But she’s pushing something.
32.) Oh fück Imogen. Do not blow this for us!!
33.) just noticed the little pens on Elle’s jacket. I love that detail so much.
34.) Love how Charlie and Nicks friends are shown in different place and in different lights. Dividing them. Also none of the gays knowing sports I’m sorry lol.
35.) you know a skirts movie is serious when it rain.
36.) the gay umbrella.
37.) CHARLE. This is getting serious.
38.) Okay. Tao’s nightmare scenario is kinda funny to me. But also this guy needs to fuck off. Don’t bully my boy.
30.) NO!! CHARLIE ARE YOU OKAY!!! PRINCESS CARRY HIM NICK!!!
31.) NICK GO TO CHARLIE!!
32.) KISS HIS NOSE BETTER!! ITS CUTE AND IT WORKS.
33.) Getting rid of mud is also cute.
34.) No. Nick apologizing. Also Issaic is my favorite person. He’s such a book nerd and he’s so respectful.
35.) I’m with Elle, Tao not wanting to be involved is shocking. This is why Elle is my favorite, she puts Tao in his place.
1.) He’s legit describing Nick I CANT WITH THESE PEOPLE
2.) Oh he’s going to be athletic and he’s going to join the team and it’s going to be more flirting while the practice together.
3,) *Nick ask Charlie to join the team* oh here we go.
4.) Side note, the way Charlie dreams up a convo is a mood
5.) If these boys bully Charlie I will fight them. Bring it on homophobes.
6.) Yes Charlie, you will indeed die and I am sorry about that.
7.) No but like rugby is American football without padding. Yikes. This is going to hurt. No wonder Hogwarts allowed quidditch British schools are wack.
8.) HES BONDING WITH THEM!!! He’s learning now to play!!!
9.) Toa and Elle!! My loves!! Please talk to each other!!!!
10.) oh boo who. He’s over you Alex. Move on.
11.) love the little cartoon leaves and beats everywhere, nice call back to the original.
12.) Do not like Alex. No trust.
13.) HIS NAMES BEN?? Oops. My mistake. Who’s Alex then??
14.) Why is Ben worse then Alex, like it feels like a red flag (no offense intended to any irl Bens reading this y’all are great).
15.) The way Ben is not being shamed for being in the closet while he figures things out is so refreshing. Please can we stop closer shaming people?? Lgbt rights are still being taken away and the UK isn’t a utopia for gay people, coming out can be dangerous.
16.) *HISSSSS HISSS HISSS* ASSULT ASSULT!! BEN QUIT KISSING CHARLIE HE DOESNT WANT THIS!!! GET AWAY CHARLIE!! RUN!!!
17.) Nick is going to see this and either a.) Help or b.) get the wrong idea.
18.) Option A baby!! This show is so wholesome I love it!! No dumb miscommunication please!!!
19.) “You seemed like something was up so I went to check and see if everything was okay,” Charlie good sir, this is a fine ass man. This is a man, a gentleman. Not a boy, please date him.
20.) Nick: you say sorry a lot
Charlie*trying to say sorry again*
Me: Cuties, very relatable cuties
21.) fellas is it gay to message a guy you like on Instagram?
22.) the be kind bench, the music, solid directing choices that really bring out the emotions of the characters in this scene. I can’t wait to see more of Nick and Charlie’s relationship through out the series.
