#lolzies
pls know who i am referring to and i’ll give you cinnamon sweet beaver nuggets
I like the idea of a cop character who looks and acts like he’s in the Mob.
>He acts SUPER Italian
>He always has some cousin that can help them out on a case (either as an informant or they can fix up a car or whatever) and they’re all different people, but they’re all named Tony
>Whenever he’s interrogating a suspect he always does borderline mob shit like “it sure would be a shame if something were to happen”.
>Hair and fashion sense are 10/10
>Slugger
>His Captain is requesting background checks on him every few months and while he can’t find any connections, it just keeps coming up
Idk. I think it would be a good running gag
Like, he just happens to have a very extensive, close-knit, well-connected family who have nothing whatsoever to do with the Mafia?
Exactly. And he himself doesn’t do anything illegal, he’s a good cop, but he still has the same rhythms and mannerisms of a Mafia enforcer. Like, he only listens to Sinatra on stakeouts, he has connections out the wazoo in Little Italy, he’s super intimidating and he postures constantly. He has regular dinners with his family, his dad is the patriarch who runs a /completely legitimate/ pizza joint.
And the jokes always come from him saying and doing things that, taken out of context, you would think is mob related. Like “I gotta do a favor for my uncle” and he buys a bunch of saws and hammers and everything, drives away all ominously, except then you find out he’s building his uncle a deck.
Or one of his coworkers has some trouble with their sink and he goes “I got somebody who can take care of that for ya” real intimidating like. And a day later this humongous italian guy (named Tony, of course) shows up and the coworker thinks he’s gonna get whacked, but Tony just holds up a toolbox and goes “I heard you had some trouble with your sink?” really polite and everything.
I’m just in love with how close you could make that without going over the line. He gives his squad a heart attack every few days but he always shows up with fresh cannoli.
His family calls him “Vinny the Mangler” or something, but it’s because he can’t cut up a piece of meat without absolutely destroying it
Yes
Or his partner walks in on him telling this story about how his dad keeps giving him grief for “botching the job on that poor son of a bitch” and they think he killed someone and buried the body but he was talking about the time he was seven and messed up a pizza.
He calls every lady “Doll” and every guy a “Bozo” and the way he says it nobody even questions the sexism.
His desk Sargent is absolutely convinced he’s dirty and he has this Beautiful Mind style board in his cabinet drawer pulling absolutely ludicrous connections between Vinny and the Outfit.
One day he just calls Vinny into an interrogation room and goes “Are you in the Mob?!” And Vinny gets all offended and says “Sarge, how can you even ask that? On this, the day of my sister’s wedding?” And the Sarge loses it.
They bust some punk kid for something like vandalism but the kid is clearly just a good kid who made a mistake, and since the owner isn’t pressing charges they let him off with a warning. Vinny gives him a card and puts a hand on his shoulder and goes “Go to this address, ask for Uncle Marco. Tell him Vinny sent you. He’ll take care of ya.” And his partner is like “did you just recruit him???”
But then they go to that address and find out “Uncle Marco” runs a law firm. For domestic violence victims. And Vinny has set up the punk kid (let’s call him Joey) with an internship at the firm.
They see him put a dirty baseball bat in his car after a perp walked on a technicality. They’re real worried until they find out that he’s coaching his nephew’s Little League.
They go through like 20 coffee cups a week because he always smashes one on the ground for dramatic effect
I feel I should stress that Vinny never pushes the metaphor. He doesn’t act up to mess with people. As far as he’s concerned he’s just a normal dude. It genuinely doesn’t occur to him that people think he’s a crook.
I also like the idea that his vocabulary is stuck in the 1930’s. He still calls cars flivvers. He calls baseball Stickball for crying out loud.
“Hey Vinny, what do you do with your free time?”
“I provide a necessary service for the public.”
He volunteers at a soup kitchen.
